Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Life inside the olive jar has been revived.. :)
It has been awhile since I last left off with you all.. A few pages have turned, a new chapter has begun. I just want you all to know how sorry I feel for neglecting this for so long, it was never bcause I wanted to.. I have had the worst time management ever since senioritis kicked in during highschool.. :P. I just get too caught up in living in the moment to take a step back and reflect. For awhile that's a good way to live, but to me, self reflection is very important, and when you don't allow yourself the time to do that, you don't really learn or grow. At least not as much as you could. Life has just been moving so fast. It's insane, it really is. Just one month remains until I leave for college.. Where did the time go? I'm realizing that I haven't been taking much time for myself lately.. I just run from one fun thing to another, down for anything ;). It's a fun way to live, but again, I'm the kind of person who likes to live a life with balance.. When your friends are your life, and socializing is your fuel, you know something is off-kilter in your balance. I love being around people, it's just the way I am, I'm not about to try to change that. But I do need to take the time to relax and take care of myself, and most of all, think and reflect.
I can't believe I graduated. I GRADUATED guys, I'll never take a class in highschool again. I think that's an enormous part of why I've been so social lately.. I'm afraid of what the next year to come will bring. Many of the people I'm close with are staying back at the community college for a year or two. On the other hand, I'm going away. Distance is inevitibly going to grow between some of us.. Ever since I realized that, I've been trying to soak it all up while I still can, make those bonds, have those memories to look back on. I want people to really get to know me before I leave.
What I really want to do is to get to know myself on a deeper level than I already do. Up until recently I haven't even been writing for myself.. I used to keep up with a journal, I used to blog regularly, but then it all slipped from me. I'm supposedly a writer, how does a "writer" quit writing? An unexpected someone inspired me to get back into writing in a notebook, I'm really thankful for that.. Another reason I feel like I've taken so long is the pile-up of events.. I'm the kind of person who likes to get most every detail, and after all of the writing opportunities I've missed, I know I'll have to skimp on detail, which it very hard for me. I'm pissed at myself for neglecting to write so much, and I'm doubly pissed at all of the posts I have missed from you guys.. That's what really gets me, I find it difficult to just read the latest post without going through and reading what I missed up until then.. but at this point, reading and commenting on everyone's life
moments that I have missed out on would be a little insane. So I suppose I'm going to start from scratch, sort of. I definitely understand if I have lost some readers, if not all of you :P.. But I really appreciate everyone who reads this or has read my ramblings in the past, I love getting your feedback and support.. And I miss you all, I really do.
A very much condensed re-cap.
I turned eighteen. I have legally crossed into the "adult world". I have yet to really use my new age for anything cool.. But point is that I am ;D. My wonderful friends yet again made sure I had an amazing, memorable birthday..:) I love them all so much. They gave me a picnic with PANERAS(and chocolate covered strawberries) in the park, we walked around this artsy festival, followed by a delicious dinner back at Tom and Julie's. Above are two of the greatest presents I've ever received :). Shayla ordered me my own personal JONES SODA, of my favorite flavor, green apple :D. It was such a thoughtful, cool idea. I think I'll keep the bottles forever. Then over on the right is a really awesome painting Amanda did of me in Disney :)!! She's such an amazing artist.. I can't wait to hang it up in my dorm :D. Seeing it makes me really wish we were all back in Disneyworld.
Das German ;)
This summer has been slightly different, a new member was added to our group :). Amanda's cousin Helene came over from Germany for 3 months. It has definitely had an effect on our summer, in a good way. We all want to show her a good time, so there's rarely a night where we sit around and do nothing. We try to find something, at least, to do every day. Of course we knew how to have fun before Helene came, but I feel like now we have more fun, more often, and I will really miss her when she departs back for Germany in two weeks.. :'(. She's become a really good friend to me, and I hope we all can go to Berlin to get a taste of Germany with her next summer.
I feel like I've kind of been forced to grow up lately. Not only with age or graduating, but I've gone through some shit that I won't go into detail with on here.. But I'll just say it wasn't anything I was wanting or expecting to happen. When you don't keep watch of the fire, sometimes you get burned.. And it doesn't always happen the way you expect. People are human. Humans make mistakes. I don't know, it all really hurt me, but I made myself take a step back and think about how I wanted to react before I did.. thought about the value of the relationships before I severed them by overreacting, or saying things I might regret later, doing things I might regret later. It's all been hard, but I think I handled it well.. and hopefully it will make me a stronger, less naive person in the future.
As I said before, I've been pretty focused on having fun this summer. Pool parties, boat rides, drive ins, a roller derby, and trips to the cupcakery cafe are only a few of our memories.. :)
Sometimes you have to just let go.
Of all inhibitions. All uncertainty and fear.
Sometimes you have to say that thought lingering in the back of your mind. Sometimes you have to listen to that impulse. Sometimes you have to reach your hand out a little further, and sometimes, you have to pull it away when you realize it's not wanted. Sometimes you have to let your mind go blank so you can jump off of a 30ft high cliff without a second, or fourth thought. Sometimes you have to take off without asking when you want to see the ocean. Sometimes you have to just live.
I don't belong here, I've got to move on here, escape from this afterlife
Cause this time I'm right to move on and on, far away from here
Got nothing against you, and surely I'll miss you..
This place full of peace and light, and I'd hope you might
Take me back inside, when the time is right.
[Avenged Sevenfold - Afterlife]
A couple of weeks ago I got to go to my college for Orientation :). That was pretty interesting.. I met some nice people, so I'll know some faces around campus, although there will be many of them.. It's so weird to think I'll be going to such a huge school. Everyone I talked to found it so hard to believe that I graduated with a class of 35. It'll be a change.. I'm ready for it though. I need it. The lectures got boring pretty fast, meeting people was fun, the games were okay. The food sucked one day but was good the next? Dorm rooms are shitty, but that's to be expected. I'll like it better with my stuff in it :). I hate the idea of sharing a bathroom with a hall of other girls. I really liked the fountain, and how you can play in it. I'm excited to be on my own. I'm sad about leaving my friends. I'm nervous about my future. Oh man, this is growing up.
Thanks again for keeping up with me, I appreciate it so much.. I hope you're all doing well. If there's anything I missed that you want to catch me up with, feel free to tell me! I'd love to hear from you all :).
Yours truly, ♥