life inside the olive jar

Jump Start on Resolutions

2011-12-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

Things that I realize:

1. It's now December. Meaning it has been far too long since I've written anything that wasn't for academic purposes, or texting...

2. There is one lonely month left in 2011. And 26 days until I am in Ecuador [YES was my decision ;) ] Thanks to all who gave me their advice, which I gladly followed. I'm looking forward to this new journey!

3. You all are amazing, wonderful people who I'd really like to stay in contact with, so I'm really going to make the effort to keep blogging and keep this whole thing going. Thank you to everyone who's stuck through with my struggling, infrequent blogging, you all have a special place en mi corozón ♥.

4. Knowing I'm going to Ecuador in less than a month, I should really brush up on my spanish.

Hellooo December!

It feels pretty good to get my words down on a post once again. Liberating almost, when I think of how they've been reserved for Five star and Mead, scribbling down notes in the lecture halls, and banged out at ridiculous hours of the night for midterm and final papers. The end of the semester is nearing, and I think I'm in decent standing--probably not as good as last semester, but I haven't been slacking too bad or anything, I'm hoping for A's and B's, preferably more A's.

So, a crazy little bump in the road of this thing called life.. My dad fell down and broke his ankle. You're probably thinking "what's the big deal," but being a dairy farmer, if you can't walk and do work outside, you're really kind of screwed. My dad is self-employed, and pretty much runs the whole farm himself, along with my mom, a neighbor that does chores here and there throughout the week, and of course Tom, who comes as needed. Well, my dad certainly needs him now :P. This actually happened in the beginning of November, and everyone has been pitching in to help all month. I've been coming home whenever I can in between work and school to help Tom out, because he's stuck working alone all through the week usually. The majority of my Thanksgiving break was spent milking cows and pitch-forking manure. Real relaxing.. But honestly, I'm not really complaining. It did start to wear me down, but it was good spending the time with Tom, and feeling really useful to helping my family. I probably liked the milking the best. I always sort of knew how to do it, but Tom really upgraded my education, and together we made a pretty good team. Morning milkings were rough, it took a few days to get used to waking up at 5:30 a.m., but once we did, the day felt so much longer. Today my dad went back to the doctors to get his cast off, and now he should hopefully be able to do a little work outside, but he isn't supposed to rush right back into anything, it won't completely heal until April.. It's all just been sort of a lesson of how hard my dad has to work, and has taught me a little more about sacrifice the mornings I just really wanted to sleep in, but knew the cows needed to be taken care of.

Recent explorations: Sometime at the end of October or beginning of November before this whole thing with my dad, Tom and I went on a nice hike on a mountain called Sleeping Beauty. And yes, we brought supplies for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ;).

^^ Caught some great views of Mordor apparently, hahah.

ALRIGHTTT, now back to the title... Me, yes me, who sucks at updating my blog, and procrastinates like nobody's business, I am making my "new year" resolutions in DECEMBER.

This is mainly because I have been thinking about them already, and got the notion in my head of, "why wait?" Plus I will be in Ecuador for New Years Eve, and most likely unable to post--although I think there may be internet cafe's available certain days--but either way posting will not be easy. Also some of my resolutions involve getting ready for Ecuador, so it only makes sense to start now..so without further ado...

* Become as close to fluent as possible in spanish. This pertains to Ecuador obviously, because even though I don't have much time to brush up (I know some things from highschool, but ), I'd still like to kind of understand what is being said around me, and to be able to communicate back. Eventually, I'd love to go to Spain with fluency. My contemporary Latin American film class is really getting me interested in the South American countries, and understanding the language. I'm thinking of getting my hands on a Pablo Neruda poetry book to accompany me in Ecuador.

* Start going to the gym regularly, not once every couple of weeks.. My target is 3x/week, or comparable alternative exercise when I'm home, since my gym is near my college. 3x a week will be my strict plan until I leave for Ecuador, starting tomorrow. I refuse to have my beach photos be embarrassing.. :P, Hopefully planting trees all morning will help to kick my ass while I'm there too.

* Start compiling a recipe/nutrition book for myself. I've expressed this before on here, I'm a total novice at cooking. Spending most of my dinners at Tom's house has helped me improve, but it isn't often that I complete a meal from start to finish.. So I would like to get better at that, take note of what dishes are really good, what works and speeds the processes along, and eventually maybe my own twists on recipes. I feel like it will be something useful throughout my life, a good reference to look back on if I have my own family, or decide to host get togethers when I have my own home.
Another part of this goal includes cooking more for my family.
My mom is awesome, I love her to death, but I can't stand the way she eats. Let me tell you her daily lunch, which she eats pretty much every day: a microwaved hot dog and a glass of Pepsi. When I bring it up, she admits it's strange but she doesn't mind.. "it keeps her going." We never run out of soda..especially Pepsi. We will run out of milk before we ever don't have atleast 3 of the 2 liter bottles sitting in the pantry. She's not really interested in changing her ways, and personally hates cooking, much preferring the quick n' easy microwave method. In her defense, she spends a LOT of her day outside working on the farm, and from my contributions lately, I know it is not easy work. It's tiresome, and she doesn't enjoy cooking to begin with, so of course she's going to go for the processed, quick foods.. This is why I want to step up and make meals for them myself, so they get the chance to eat good food, and hopefully stray from their current eating habits. My dad's on board with me, he "wants real food," but he's also too busy and doesn't really know much about cooking..so he relies on my mom, who hates cooking. It's a vicious little cycle. I'm doing what I can to educate them, especially my dad since he cares more because his doctors are getting after him for his diet. Also I want to note that neither of my parents are obese...they do so much work that it's pretty much impossible, so I'm not worried about their appearances, just simply their health.

* Read regularly, blog OFTEN, be inspired and share what inspires me.

There's definitely a lot I have missed out on telling you all, but that only means that I have plenty of more posts left to fill you all in. I'm back, and I think this time I really mean it--I mean it's a resolution! I never forget about Blogger, even when I'm not posting, I still can't help but to creep on everyone else, I like to try to stay somewhat up-to-date with you all, you're just all too interesting and inspiring for me not to!

Anyways, Happy December, I hope you all are doing well. I'll be playing some catch-up, starting now :).

Love,
Olivia

Where are you going, what are you doing?

2011-10-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

Are questions I ask myself regularly.
The idea of traveling and seeing new places keeps circling in my mind. I even thought seriously about going somewhere for the whole spring semester (although upon further thought I realized I should start with a much shorter trip,) but then this program for 16 days of winter break in Ecuador came along. I would have never thought to go there on my own, but the guys who run it gave a presentation in my class and after that I just had to go to the meeting. It's a grassroots organization, separate from study abroad, but still affiliated with the school (Global Student Embassy if anyone's interested,) and basically a group of 25 students from my school as well as another group from California, travel with group leaders to la Bahia de Caraquez on the coast of Ecuador and work on reforesting the area. Ecuador has always been one of the most biologically diverse places in the world but environmental degradation is starting to threaten that. A lot of deforestation happens there, and trees are being cut faser than people are re-planting them. The GSE aims to reverse some of this damage and restore Ecuador's ecosystem. Other projects include building a rainwater catchment system to help with the town's water supply and planting gardens in an Ecuadorian school. The deal is you work on these projects from like 8am - 2 in the afternoon, then the rest of the day is yours to relax on the beach and explore. We're supposed to be spending 2-3 days in the nearest city, la Bahia de Caraquez (our camp is a little ways away from the city on an isolated beach,) and we will celebrate the New Year there. The trip goes from December 27-January 12. The itinerary says we have a few different trips, visits to museums, and hikes. One day we're supposed to be learning how to surf too. The trip costs a litte more than I'd like..$2300, which covers airfare, food, transportation, travel insurance--basically everything but souveniers and extra necessities. We don't stay in hotels, I think we might spend a night or two in a hostel that the program always uses and has pretty much privacy in, but most nights are spent camping on the beach in large tents the organization provides.
Here's where you guys come in.. I have friends who really support it, friends who are neutral, and a couple of family members who are practically begging me not to go (primarily Grandma...the news always gets her worked up, she doesn't want me traveling at ALL, anywhere..). Then I have a relative, my dad's cousin, who has traveled a lot, but usually is more into tours and sightseeing, although she has been to Africa, Ecuador(briefly and in a different area than my trip would be,) and other third-world countries. She thinks I should go somewhere "easier" first, like Ireland or England. She's worried I'll be disappointed, but I don't know.. I feel like we might have different tastes when it comes to traveling. She loves to go and see the places she's read about and seen photos of--while I like that aspect too, a larger reason for me wanting to travel is just to get a taste of somewhere different and broaden my views. But anyways, I'd like to get some of your opinions on if you think this is a good idea or not. Don't worry about offending me--I'm just trying to make my decision and I know a lot of you have traveled before :). Eventually I do want to go all over--and I REALLY want to go to Australia. My dad's cousin suggested I save my money and go there, but I'm trying to decide if Ecuador really is an opportunity worth giving up. It would definitely reflect well on my resume, there's a chance I can work out some college credits for the trip, and it could defnitely be a life-changing experience. What do you guys think? Please be honest. The financial aspect sucks, but they did mention fundraising usually being successful in the past. Here's some photos I stole from the email they sent out to applicants.

Think I should fundraise and go? Or save my money for a future trip to Europe or Australia? Honestly I'm going to Europe or Australia eventually while I'm still young and free of heavy responsibilities, but I would probably go later on if I did this trip, and if I didn't do this Ecador trip I would probably go to Europe or Australia sooner.

Straying away from life-changing decisions, things overall have been good with me. I spent most of this week with Tom, which was really nice. I don't advertise it much on here, seeing as we don't bother with the boyfriend/girlfriend titles, but we have been seeing eachother for a really long time (yes exclusively, just no title,) and it's definitely nice when we get time together during the chaos of my college career. I like to consider Tom to be my rock. Whenever the little stressors of life decide to gang up and attack me, I know I can just let myself unravel in front of him. I'm never too worried about looking stupid, and it's pretty much a sure thing that he'll find a way to make me feel better. I always look forward to taking turns reading stories out loud from A Treasury of Sherlock Holmes with him before bed, waking up past ten and making big hearty omlettes for brunch. It's not always that glamorous, sometimes I just snooze on his shoulder while he kills godknowswhat on his xbox games, but I love the time together all the same. He's suppoting the Ecuador idea, which has a certain impact on my decison as well, because I know he's got my best interest in mind. He came to a meeting with me too because he was visiting me that night--and he was sold on the whole idea of the trip. He was also there for my emotional call with my dad when he told me that my grandmother was "devastated" by the very idea of me thinking of GOING. "If you go on this trip, just know it's going to cause some serious problems back here." Pretty heavy words to hang above my head. Again, Tom was my rock after I got off the phone all teared up, trying to collect myself before I had to go to class. Tom and my mom are probably my biggest supporters of the whole idea--my mom thinks it's a good thing, she's a little worried about international travel, but she doesn't want to stand in my way if I think it's a good opportunity for me.

Anyways, Thursday and Friday I had off from school due to the Jewish holiday, so I went home with Tom Thursday. Wedneday night was a Rise Against concert(!) so we stayed in my college city instead of driving the hour back home. The crowd was so crazy, everybody moving, everybody so amped up. I even lost Tom at one point when he got separated from our group of friends---but surprisingly I was able to find him and bring him back through the sea of sweaty, rowdy concert-goers, back to our friends. I crowd surfed for the first time! Pretty awesome ;), I didn't really go far, but it was a cool feeling, those bouncers pick you up like you're a piece of lint--you feel like you weigh NOTHING. Definitely cool to feel that way.

Once we were back at home, time with the friends was in order. We had a game night playing Apples to Apples at Derek's house, which is always a blast. The next day Tom and I went to our local apple orchard with the intent to pick apples, but it was pretty pricey, so we settled for cider and of course apple cider doughnuts!!!! There was NO way I was leaving that place without a bag of those, I've been craving them ever since the temperature dropped below 75 :P. So we played with the goats a little, got our doughnuts, walked around, and then went home.

I was lucky enough to catch this group of senior citizens checking out the goats---something about it kind of makes my heart melt, haha.

I'm pretty much pro at getting creeper shots of Tom ;), I couldn't help it though, it was too cute.

MY WEAKNESS...... Here you see like..10 out of the dozen we purchased. Yeah, well before the evening was through I managed to pig out on 6 and a half of these bad boys, by myself. Looks like it's time for me to visit the gym again.

So I am currently at my college, by myself. How did this happen you ask? Everyone at work was requesting this weekend off for the holiday, and being a newbie, I decided not to push my luck and only asked for Wednesday-Friday off, hoping I would magically get Sunday off atleast. But alas, I'm working both days over the weekend and the rest of my suite won't be here until later on tomorrow. I'm not really complaining though, I saw a lot of my friends this week and I do need the money. Plus it gives me time to just chillax and watch things on Netflix, BLOG, and hopefully do some reading.

Have a wonderful weekend! Please feel free to give me any imput/advice you have on my traveling situation :), and don't worry about offending me, I'm trying to be totally open-minded about this whole thing.

♥ Olivia

Change of the Seasons

2011-09-05T23:14:00.000-07:00

Summer is gone and it's been almost a month since I've updated, again! But I am pleased to at least note that a lot has happened since I last wrote a blog post. I made a trip to New York City to visit my college friends, I bid farewell to Polo Ralph Lauren (until winter break perhaps,) I went job hunting and succeeded, and I have started my sophomore year of college. Alright, it doesn't seem like much, but I've been feeling pretty busy.

This is already starting off to be an amazing year at college. My suitemates are all just so chill this semester. Last year I dormed with a group of girls from Long Island who had all carefully chosen eachother beforehand, and my roommate and I were just the extras they were stuck with, ha ha. We didn't really click with their group because they had different friends and things going on through their sorority experience, but me and my roommate basically went together like peanut butter and jelly. And we chose to be roommates again this year :). For our suitemates we chose girls we met during freshman year that we had a lot of fun with, and felt the closest to, so now we have a pretty sweet suite. Our rooms are actually smaller in this building, but we compensate by actually using our space. Our common room last year housed everyone's desk, and that was all. And if the other girls were getting ready to go out, the common room felt off limits because who wants to sit and work at their desk in a room that's blasting music with hair straighteners and blow dryers going? Needless to say I did a lot of homework on my bed last year. This year, my desk is in my room, and so are a few of the other girls', so we had room to purchase a cute futon and set up a little living room area. It's so much cozier to be able to sit out there with the girls and watch bad tv together(before them I never watched an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker or Real Housewives.) My classes are pretty good this semester too; Abnormal Psychology, Environmental Science, Childhood Development, News Writing and Reporting, and Film in Contemporary Latin America.

Cozy right? Makes it awfully hard to get up and leave the dorm though, haha.

New York City was a lot of fun too. It was in the middle of August so I can't remember all of the details, but I'll recount what I can :). We went to Coney Island, Central Park, St. Mark's Place, and saw the Metropolitan Museum. I think I was actually getting the hang of the subway system after awhile. The night we went to St. Mark's we almost saw Johnny Knoxville!! We were walking past Union Square and these guys were like "Hey! Hurry up and go to Ray's Pizza, Johnny Knoxville's over there!!" I mean yeah... maybe they were lying, but it could definitely be credible--it's NYC. I could imagine a drunk Johnny stopping in a pizza place at 1 AM, it seems pretty plausible. But once we hurried over there, there was no Knoxville in sight...sigh.

Coney Island was pretty cool :D. I've never been to an amusement park so close to a beach before, I thought it was cool the way the structure of the rides contrasted with the beach scene. We were kind of broke that day so we only paid to go on one ride (they're like $7-8 a pop!) and we walked along the water. Of course neither Tom or I had bathing suits with us. We also saw the original Nathan's Hotdogs stand--pretty epic I suppose :P.

This little boy was ADORABLE! I can't believe I caught him just as he was trying to join in on the fun, with dad desperately reaching to pull him back, haha. They incorporated him right into their thing though, it was so cute to watch this todler teeter after these gigantic bubbles. I must've taken like...15 pictures of him, I feel like a creep. But I couldn't help it, it was adorable.

I found Waldo ;).

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but one of the things Tom and I like to do together is play chess. He basically taught me everything I know--I didn't know any of the pieces or have a clue how to play before him. So it was pretty cool when we went to Union Square and came across these chess games. How it works is if you win, the other guy gives you $5.00, and if you lose, he gets your $5.00. Usually Tom's pretty boss at chess, I've only beaten him a couple of times out of all the times we've played--but that night wasn't his night :P. He said he made a silly mistake, and I can't blame him, it's a little nervewracking to play in front of and against strangers, but it was still cool to watch.

One night we devoted primarily to hookah. It was actually during Ramadan, so a lot of the hookah spots were setting up for buffets after sunset, so we had to find one that wasn't going to be so crowded. We talked forever and had a contest for who could blow the most smoke, and tried making smoke rings. The fresh fruit hookah was really good, definitely worth the few extra dollars. Again, my nights in the city are al jumbled together and I can't really remember that much, but it was definitely a good time.

Back to the present: I did a little job searching at the end of the month and landed a job at Fossil! If you aren't familiar with them they sell vintage items ranging from leather bags to really nice watches, sunglasses, and charms. I went through two interviews with different managers and filled out all of my employment paperwork, so I'm just waiting for them to give me my employee number and start me in on training :). I'm pretty excited. The brand is something that's a little more "me" than Polo, although they were great to work with, I feel like this is going to be a good experience for me.

I kind of really want one of these watches already...yupp, there goes my paycheck!

I hope everyone is doing well, I'll be catching up on blogs really soon. The transition back into fall has been busy, but I intend on posting a lot more frequently.

♥ Olive

Home is wherever I'm with you

2011-08-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

For starters, my car is back on the road! It only took a day to fix, but of course managed to cost me $150.. Automobiles are quite the investment. You have to pay for little unexpected breaks like this, then there's buying gas, paying for service appointments..insurance if you're not under your parents..the list is practically endless. My best friend actually has to pay for a new license plate because she hit a bird which somehow caused the front plate to become detached. On her way back home she went to try to retrieve it, and saw an old man crawling up from where it fell off, get in his truck, and drive off. She went to the spot where she lost it and it was gone. Apparantly the DMV pays for returned plates but charges you to replace them, so traveling grandpa must have snatched her plate.

Chicken Roast

In case I haven't made it clear in previous posts, I'm pretty inexperienced in the kitchen. A few days ago I pulled out a recipe from my "Absolute Beginner's Guide to Cooking" and decided to make a greek chicken roast. I made a trip to the grocery store, bought a fresh whole chicken, idaho potatoes, lemons, and oregano(all things that are totally uncommon in our kitchen) and got to work on it later in the evening after I got out of work. It wasn't too difficult. It's kind of fun to prepare the chicken..is it morbid if I made it dance a little before I put it in the pan..? Then I coated the chicken and the potatoes and carrots I cut up with olive oil, lemon juice, oregano, and salt and pepper. Then I just let the oven work her magic. Since I started the whole project after 9:00 and finished around 11 I had to wait for lunch to know whether it was a success or not. And a success it was :).I was happy to hear that both my parents sat down and ate it for lunch together, they never eat together because my mom is a picky eater and when my dad wants to eat she has to fix something up for them, so they wind up eaing separately. I was glad to fix something they could enjoy at the same time. So atleast now there's one more thing I can feel confident that I know I can make.

Something new.

I cut my hair! I had been thinking about it for awhile, with dead ends driving me crazy. Plus my hair has been the same style/roughly the same length since like...9th grade. So Tom and I went to the hairdresser in town and got haircuts together (insert "Aww" here..haha). So I basically got it as short as she could do it without it turning out poofy, because curly hair gets poofier the shorter it gets. I'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out. It looks different when it's curly like below, but yesterday it was poofy from the humidity so I took the straightener to it. I had forgotten what a total pain in the ass it is the straighten the back of your hair.

I began this post yesterday, which was Saturday, but I never got around to finishing it until today. We went to see Cowboys and Aliens last night, which was a good movie, but I kind of ruined it for myself by having a sour mood. I think I've discovered what one of my biggest pet peeves is--- sitting on the end in a movie theater. It just makes you feel isolated if you're not sitting next to someone who's making an effort to include you in on the whispering and jokes. Plus it worked out that Tom was on the opposite end of the row, when he wanted to sit next to me. Our two friends in the middle were talking, but I couldn't hear what they were saying, and they didn't ever turn to say anything to me. And I was to grumpy to come up with anything to say to them first. I didn't want to be a pain in the ass and ask to switch the seating around since I'm like with Tom, and didn't want to be that girl who CAN'T be separated from her guy, but it would've been nice to have been able to socialize with someone. Okay that's the end of my rant, it wasn't really a big deal, it just kind of sucked.

Tonight I made steak and mashed potatoes for my parents and grandma. Other than getting a little splashed with oil from the pan when putting the steaks on, it was a pretty smooth experience. No pictures though, I was in a rush to make it when I got home from work, so by the time I finished everyone was ready to dig in.

Well the power just went out, and my laptop battery lasts for like..twenty minutes..so I think this will have to be the end of my post. Maybe I'll read something by candlelight.

Let's keep this going

2011-07-31T10:17:00.000-07:00

Hah, just to prove exactly how long I've been detached from Blogger, I just now got the "new" version of posting. Undo and redo buttons, WAY easier way to post photos(before I had to drag photos inch by inch from the top of the page ALL the way down to where I wanted them in my post)...I could get used to this ;).

After I wrote this little opening I had my dad go outside to look at my car. The past couple of days it's been kind of struggling to start, like I put the key in the ignition, turn it, and it sputterssputterssputters until 3 seconds late it finally kicks on. So he comes outside, lifts up the hood, decides I could use an oil change. He takes it for a drive down the road and back, says it seems to be running fine, gets out, then asks if I smell gas. I smelled gas yesterday too, but I assumed it was just because I was in a parking lot, and then I guess I smelled it again later but didn't think too much of it, but I smelled it when he did too. So under the car he went, and sure enough I have a gas leak. A bad one. Apparently it's right next to the exhaust pipe too, and I don't know much about cars, but gas on or inside of a hot surface like that is never a good ending. So I am out of a vehicle for a few days, but I am glad to have not exploded while driving to work.. Very thankful for that. It makes me nervous to think if there's anything else wrong with my car.. Hopefully it's a quick and easy fix because I'm not really in the position to purchase a new car.

Not entirely sure what's up with the gray on the sides of the photo, I guess because it's from my crappy camera phone, but I took that of Tom and his dog Shadow when we reached the summit of the mountain on our hike the other day :). It was totally a stalker shot that he didn't know was being taken, but I feel like it captured a nice moment. I regretted not bringing my real camera up there, the view was gorgeous and my phone quite honestly did not do it justice. It was a pretty easy hike though, only took us an hour or two to get up there, then we ate our pb&j sandwiches and sat around for a little while--I'm sure we'll go back up there again and I'll get some better shots of the scenery, but I was satisfied with this photo. With the uselessness of my car, I'm sure I will be posting again pretty soon with being stranded at my house.

Hope everyone has had a great weekend!

This always happens

2011-07-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

But perhaps this time will be different.

When I fail to keep up with my blog, I miss it. I'll think about it regularly, and of things I could write about, but the thoughts all seem to vanish when I actually have a few hours to spare to sit down and do it. I always feel like if I've been gone for a long time that I need to come back with a "really good" post to somehow make up for my absence, but then I continue to postpone it because I can't come up with anything good enough. Today I'm just going to wing it.

I think my biggest obstacle when it comes to doing anything for myself, particularly taking the time to write in this blog (or even my journal), and doing things like reading a book or watching something by myself, is that I have a problem with being left out. Sometimes I think it stems from being raised as an only child and relying so heavily on friends coming over, or going with friends, that I really treat hanging out with other people as a priority. And I am SO thankful to have the friends that I do, I don't mean to boast, but my friends are pretty awesome ;). So when somebody wants to do something just about every night, plus I'm working most days, it leaves very little time to be alone. I have no intention of isolating myself from the amazing people in my life, but lately I feel like I am on track to learning how to better manage my time and to take time for myself when I need it. For instance my best friend asked me to go shopping with her this morning at a place an hour away from home, before I have to work at 3:00. We probably would have been able to get back before 3, but I felt like what is the point of rushing? I enjoy the time I spend with her, and I enjoy it more when there isn't an expiriation time hanging above our heads, and I felt like it would give her bonding time with her younger sister who is also going. And now, I'm here blogging :), but I will happily meet her after work to go see a local concert tonight.
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Alright, so I left off there yesterday, and now I'm finishing this up today :P. The local concert was a bust because apparently you have to be 21 to get into this bar--I was always under the impression that it was 18 to enter, 21 to drink, but I guess bars have their own individual policies they choose to enforce when they please... I'm really starting to believe that being 18 or older grants you no special priviledges until you turn 21. We still had fun though walking around the village with our two guy friends, killing some time seeing as we put $2.50 in the parking meter for no reason.

Today is my day off, so I'm pretty happy for that. And Tom decided to take the day off from his roofing job too, so now we get to spend it going hiking together :).

I know sometimes I really ramble on about school on here and it's a little excessive--I'm not going to do that today-- but I think I have decided that if this next year I don't fall completely in love with the psychology major and the idea of making it my life's work, then I am transferring to another school. The school I'm at now is great for psychology, but they definitely don't have what I'm looking for in the journalism department. I'm specifically looking for magazine journalism, I know the news is important, but that's not what I want to make a living from. I'd rather just be a regular consumer of the news, and specialize in an area in magazines, particularly health and wellness. I'm a pretty big fan of SELF Magazine, so working for them would be ideal as of now. So basically it's between that and continuing psychology studies, and if I transfer, right now I'm pretty sure it would be a move out to Chicago for their Columbia College school that has a magazine journalism major.

Recently I've been growing more and more concerned with health. When I was younger I was in the chubby category, I was never quite obese, but I was certainly a hefty little girl courteosy of a diet of pepsi, frozen dinners, and oreos. Back then I was too young to understand the real connection between what you fed your body, and how your body looks and functions. I was a kid, I didn't care. When I talk about this, I want to make it clear that my parents are wonderful, kind, hardworking people and I wouldn't trade them for anyone else in the world, but nutrition was something I really had to learn on my own. Being farmers food has to be quick and easy to eat because cows are a full day's work and you can't spend hours preparing a meal, you just can't. Add in the fact that my mom absolutely loathes cooking/baking/anything of that nature and my dad never had to learn because my grandma always made his food. So we would heat up frozen Schwan's chicken wings for dinner every Sunday night, our freezer stockpiled with the frozen entrees that looked like good homecooked meals from the supermarket. We would have ready-made roast beef with those powdered instant mashed potatoes, and every Tuesday after school my mom would take me to grab a bite at McDonalds on my way to my piano lesson. Once elementary school was coming to an end I started to realize how unhealthy I was and hated the way I looked. I'm thankful to say that I never suffered an eating disorder, (unless you count overeating when I was younger) and I can't imagine the difficulty of overcoming something like that for those who do go through it. I started relying on magazines for help, particularly FITNESS and occasionally others while I was younger like Seventeen and CosmoGirl. I'd like to believe they had a good influence on me because they offered nutritional information and ideas to start being active that I began to follow. I never looked at those magazines with an "I want to be skinny and perfect" attitude, it was more of an educational resource for me. A combination of cutting down my excessive portion sizes, cutting back majorly on soda, going the YMCA, and going out and doing things with my friends helped me through junior high to reach an average size that I was always content with in highschool. I'm still about that size, maybe I've gained 10-15 lbs, but I've stuck within the same range, but although I'm not overweight, I don't feel as though I'm really in shape either. My diet has improved since my childhood but it still isn't always balanced and totally nutritous. For me it isn't about pushing the needle lower on the scale or an embarassment of my pant size, it's about being all around healthier. I want to feel leaner and more toned, and I want to feel stronger as a result. I definitely don't want to be "buff" hahah, I just want to feel fit. So I recently joined a Bally's Total Fitness down where I go to school. Yes, the school has gyms that are free, but from my experience last year it kept me from getting fat, but it never really got me in shape. I think this had a lot to do with the crowdedness that usually occured unless you somehow went at the perfect time, and the smallness of the facility that made it boring to stay in for long periods. At this gym, there's a lot of room and variety from the hufe selection of strength training machines to the cardio area upstairs, then the walk-in free exercise classes that come with my membership--it just seems more worthwhile to me, and there's also that little trick that if I pay out of pocket for something, I'm more likely to use it. It even came with a free orientation with a personal trainer(and you get this once a month!) who talked to me about my fitness goals, and determined my weight and body fat percentage. Turns out I'm average, right in the middle of average with 26% body fat. I've made it my goal to get myself out of the 20's. The trainer also gave me some important information like you're supposed to use the strength training machines first, otherwise if you just hop on a treadmill or an eliptical it takes like 30 minutes or something of exercise before your body actually starts taking energy from your fat cells! And I was always the person who went on the treadmill first under this assumption that it would get my heart rate up and make my workout better, but I was wrong---machines first, cardio after is the most effective. I'm also pretty excited to participate in an exercise class like spin, kickboxing, or pilates. Since I don't start school until the end of the month and it's a little over an hour's drive away, I won't really get into a regular workout routine until then. For now I can start focusing on my diet. Because my mom always hated cooking I never learned how to make a healthy, home-cooked meal. Embarassing as it sounds, I went out and bought a book called "The Absolute Beginner's Guide to Cooking." It reminded me of one of those "...For Dummies" books, but I began leafing through it yesterday and it actually has a lot of useful information. Information that may be common knowledge to people who grew up in a kitchen, like measurement conversions, and what temperature different things bake at, and explanations of all of the various cheeses and herbs and spices. It even gives you lists of things that are useful to keep stored in your kitchen, and is full of thoroughly explained recipes. I'll try to keep you guys updated as I begin this whole cooking adventure. I'm not just doing this for myself and my own health but also for my family. I know my mom is hesitant to change her ways, she's never been concerned with diets and she's happy with eating the same thing every day( like she seriously has a microwaved hotdog and a glass of pepsi every day for lunch). She says it's weird, but she really doesn't mind it..so it's not really my place to try to force her to do otherwise.. All I can do is start cooking and hope that maybe she'll be interested in trying something homemade and fresh. My dad on the otherhand hates all of the processed food we have, and is concerned for his diet because his doctor has been griping at him for years about his excessive sodium intake. But my dad doesn't cook either, so he just takes what's put on the table for him. Recently I've been trying to educate him about what's good and what's bad, and I've been buying substitutes for things like real deli meat instead of the pre-packaged over processed stuff we usually have. And urging him to use whipped cream cheese instead of slathering his bagels with butter, and trying to keep fresh fruit on hand. It's just difficult to be healthy in a household where oreos, pringles and pepsi are always on hand, and nobody goes out to buy fresh vegetables and healthy alternatives but me. But to me, it's worth spending the money out of my own pocket and making the trips to the grocery store to take care of my body and hopefully influence my family to do the same.

Things that have been missed since I last blogged.

* 19th birthday

My wonderful friends treated me to a Japanese hibachi lunch at a place called Sushi Yoshi ;). It's so cool the way they make a performance out of the whole thing, tossing knives, making the "onion volcano," it's definitely something worth checking out if you have never been. It takes the boredom out of waiting for your food, that's for sure. Afterwards we went to see Super 8 which apparently was to distract me while some of my other friends set up a barbeque/bonfire to surprise me when I came back :). My friends know how to make me feel pretty special. Last picture is Tom and me during the barbeque party.

* Working at Polo Ralph Lauren again. I ended up working through the summer and it hasn't been a bad decision. I've needed the money and the people there are pretty fun. Retail isn't always a joy to wake up for and spend your day doing, but being in good company and not having shifts every single day has made working pretty tolerable. Except sometimes you encounter miserable customers, but you learn to brush them off. Yesterday this one old man in particular set me off. We're doing this thing where we ask if you would like to donate a dollar to cancer research, and this man says no. That's fine, I don't care if people don't donate, it's not their obligation. But this guy continues to ask what the research focuses on, and I told him it was the Pink Pony fund for Breast Cancer--and he scoffs and says "You women get enough support as it is. Why don't you focus on one of the other ones, like lung cancer." MAYBE because lung cancer is fairly preventable if you don't smoke...?!!! UGH. I just wanted to make him see how bigoted and rude he was.. but instead I gave an awkward laugh at his ignorance and continued with the sale. Yes I agree all cancers deserve attention, but I really don't think women are like getting "TOO MUCH" support, and men can also get breast cancer FYI, old grouch. And lung cancer is a terrible thing, I worry about it for my uncle who is a lifetime smoker. But what is the point of criticizing the cancer one charity chooses to support? Anyways, my last day is August 11th, and then I'll need to find a job down near my college.

* My college friends came up for a visit.

Paige, my roommate, and Madiha, also our friend that happens to live in the same part of the city as Paige, both came up north to experience a little bit of the countryside :). We showed them the lake, as well as my farm and woods, and introduced them to the concept of a bonfire. Madiha had her first real s'more and our friend Shayla treated us to a free meal at the high class restaurent she hostesses at. 3 days was definitely not long enough but I feel like we gave them a good taste and I'm sure they'll come up with me once in awhile on weekends once school starts up. Hopefully I'll be going down to the city again to spend some time in their neighborhood as well ;P.

[Amanda,me,Madiha,Shayla,Zack,Paige]

I realize this post was a lot of information, not entirely coherent, and maybe not all that interesting.. but bear with me as I get myself back into the blogging groove---I think we are pretty well caught up to speed now, and I'll be trying to check out everyone's blogs and start commenting again. Thanks for reading, I appreciate you guys and your comments more than I know how to express!

♥ Olive

Back Home.

2011-06-04T15:41:00.000-07:00

Summer for me has really, officially hit the ground running ;). It was nice to go to Iowa and see family, but 9 days was a long trip, and I was happy to return to the freedom of having my car, and get back into my routine of staying out until 12 or so hanging out with my friends. In Iowa I felt pretty isolated as far as friends go, and now I barely get a minute to myself (which explains my lack of posting). This isn't a complaint, I like keeping busy, but wow, what a switch.. :P. It's starting to settle down though, I think. Everyone including myself is getting back into the summer job routine, so that makes it more difficult to get everyone together. We still manage though, just not as often.

Photos from Iowa:

Yes, my grandpa recently purchased a working SCHOOLBUS. I hope I inherit it.. ;).

A couple of weeks before I went to Iowa I went to this event called Tulipfest with Amanda. Basically it's a big festival in a park where there's a few bands playing and they have a bunch of vendors and a lot of pretty tulips and other flowers out on display. I never got around to writing about it or posting pictures, so here's making up for lost time. Cold War Kids performed there, and we got to get pretty close, maybe the second or third row from the stage.

[How's it gonna feel when summer ends, Out of money, out of friends]

Last weekend I went on an overnight excurison with Tom and his family to one of their family and friends gatherings. They call them "Sapperknackers," because Tom's dad and his friends grew up in the whole hippie era, and these are continuations of their get together's from their youth, basically, so it's a bunch of friends from highschool and their families. I think the name comes from what they called themselves when they went hiking and stuff growing up, or something. I've gotten to know most of the people there pretty well because I've gone to so many, and a lot of them are related to Tom and Julie, so I've seen them multiple times. It's pretty nice to go to these events though, since my own family is so small and we never have parties like that. It's like an extension of family. It's cool being older too because us "kids" can be more independent.

^ Which reminds me, I'd really like to ride in a hot air balloon. It just seems like it would feel cool. My uncle used to have a balloon, but of course he got out of it shortly after I came along :P, just my luck. It's just something that's on my long list of things to do.

Roadkill breaks my heart. Or worse than road kill, road-injured :/. I went for a run last night, and I saw this little black bird just chillen' in the road. As I approached it closer I noticed the blood, which is why it didn't fly away from me in the first place. The calm expression in its eyes really got to me. It's the look of the acceptance of death. I wanted so much to help it, but there wasn't much that I could do.. I finished my run, and on the way back it was still there, even though a few cars had gone in that direction. I went back to my house and decided maybe I should get my car, it was only a short ways down the road.. I thought that if it was still there, the kindest thing to do would be to put it out of its misery. But I didn't see it on my drive past, and I turned around and it had somehow dragged itself out of the road and onto the grassy shoulder. I didn't want to try to drive that close to the ditch, and I thought maybe if it could get that far, then maybe there's hope for it yet---but I imagine it's just dragging itself into the ditch to die. It's just so sad. Fortunately, I haven't really hit anything in my own car. I know I've hit those toads that flee across the country roads at night, and I might have hit a chipmunk, but I really try to avoid it. It's such an unnatural way for an animal to have to die. It happens, and most of the time the people who hit it feel terrible, and they certainly aren't to blame, but I just think alot more animals would make the trip across the road alive if the people who aren't observant or careful stepped it up a little. And if you hit an animal that you suspect is somebody's pet, do not just flee the scene.. I see cats just left for dead all of the time and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened to dogs too. Sure, plenty of them are barn cats, but it's just the considerate thing to do to stop by the nearest house and let them know.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping and started a little experiment. My dad has been hearing for years that his sodium intake is through the roof. He salts everything. Like, he doesn't even taste it to see if it needs salt or not first, he just sprinkles it on out of habit. And most of the food my mom buys is frozen or processed food that ALREADY has more salt than a person should be eating. Plus he uses salted butter on everything too.. It just makes me worried about his health. He isn't even like, "heavy-set," he's not scrawny either, but he's not really in the overweight category, because he does so much farmwork, but still. He has really bad cholesterol and blood sugar levels, and nothing is really being done to help it. So I bought "lite salt" which supposedly still provides the nutrient iodine, but it also has 1/3 of the sodium and less calories than regular salt, and isn't quite so harmful. So I filled up our salt shaker with that as it was getting empty. Let's see if anybody notices the difference ;). Kind of sneaky, I know.. but I really don't think him or my mom will even NOTICE the difference, and it's better for their health, his especially, with the way he uses salt in such excess. I even did a taste test first, and it tastes like salt to me.

Greetings from Iowa!

2011-05-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

Hey, remember me? I'm that girl who writes a post once every two months saying that I need to post more often. Well, here I am again ;).

It's hard to find a balance with all of the things you love to do, and all of the obligations you know you have. One thing I am happy with myself for has been achieving my academic goal for this semester. Actually, I out-did it. In the fall I ended with a meek 2.8 gpa, and I was determined to push myself a little harder than that in the spring, setting a goal of 3.6, and last week grades were posted, and I was thrilled to see a 3.8 as my score. Hard work pays off sometimes, and now I just need to make sure I don't let it go to my head and start slacking again when I go back. With college fresh on my brain, I'll share some pretty basic things I learned from my freshman year:

* GO.TO.CLASS. This sounds pretty basic, like DUH, you have to go to class if you want to do well.. but sometimes people actually let this slip. "The class doesn't have attendance, the notes are posted on blackboard, the professor is boring, ect.ect." While you can afford to miss a day here and there, it's really in your best interest to just suck it up and go. You're paying for these classes and your professor's time, so you might as well utilize it and soak up every thing that you can. It will help, I can almost guarentee it. Sometimes attendance doesn't count for much according to the syllabus, but do you really want to miss out on freebie points for just sitting down in the classroom? You might not fare so well on your next test, and some professor actually use attendance to determine a curve on your exams. Don't screw yourself over :P.

* Find your zone. Atleast for me, it's really important that I have the right environment when I'm trying to study. For me it went like this: reading and note-taking was done sitting all comfy and lazy on my bed. (Unless my ghetto-fabulous neighbors decided to put on the Lil Wayne full blast, then I went to plan B) My second study spot was at my desk in the common room, that's where I'd usually work on my papers, provided my suitemates weren't out there listening to their music and getting prettied up for whatever middle-of-the-week party they were going to.. but after the 11:00 mark my desk was usually a safe bet. For papers I'd sacrifice the comfort of my bed so I could be forced to actually sit upright and be far enough away from my bed to do my work and not just doze off. Then for projects, or papers I just couldn't concentrate well enough in my room to do, I'd go to the library. I only went a few times, but from my experience, it forces you to get your shit done. So my advice is to just know the places you feel like you get the most accomplished, and make a habit of using those areas to get you in the zone to get your work done so you can have time to do things that are, well, fun ;).

* Take whatever extra-credit you can get! Think of it as counting, write it down in your planner as an assignment so you won't think of it as just being optional. The more points, the better, unless you're really overloaded.

*Expand your social circle. When I first got to college, I reallly kept a small circle. Like I mean it would just be me and my roommate, and our other good friend eating together every day. I love those girls, and sometimes I like it when it's just the three of us catching up, but this second semester we finally made some more friends to add to the group. We were never against making friends, we just somehow weren't meeting anyone, it was frustrating. It's nice to know more people, so if your roommate can't make it to the gym or dinner, you can text so and so, and spend time with them instead of having to go by yourself. We even made some guy friends in the end who let us hang out and smoke their hookah tobacco a couple of times towards the end of the semester. It's just cool getting to know people, and the more people you meet, the more they'll introduce you to over time. I still feel like I have a relatively small network of college friends, but meeting more people is a goal of mine, and my roommate's next year.

* Don't drink in your room. atleast not in your common room. Just don't, if you get caught and your resident director isn't feeling particularly generous, you could wind up on probation for the rest of your college career. Sometimes they WILL randomly knock on your door and do a "suite check" so be forewarned. This usually only occurs on notorious "drinking holidays" like Halloween, St. Patty's, whenever they catch wind that they should be suspiscious. Atleast have a quick plan for in case someone comes, a designated hiding spot for bottles/shot glasses, a concealed trashcan for cups and cans.. Have fun, but be smart ;).

* If you go out partying, stick with friends. It's a given, but try not to even wander off for a little bit, try to always stick by/within view of someone. I personally know a girl who wandered out of the pizza parlor or something she was at with her friends late one night, a guy started running his mouth to her, and she's not one to just sit quiet and take it, so she dished it back, and his "girls" attacked her, and the GUY kicked her in the face! It happens... It's a very sad, sickening thing, but some guys are just bottom-of-the-sewer-scum.. Luckily her friends and the police were able to break it up, but some people won't get that lucky. Some people will attack in groups, and some won't care what your gender is.. Not even if you're beautiful like this girl was, and I've had another close friend get threatened by a random guy who thought she "took his seat." Yeah, there's some real gentlemen out there.. My roommate carries pepper spray, I'm pretty happy for that.

* Buy books ahead of time! I always screw myself over this way. I wait too long to figure out what books my classes need, and thus am stuck spending an arm and a leg at the University bookstore. Amazon and chegg.com are two of the sites alot of students use to buy or rent their textbooks. We also have a cool used bookstore downtown from my campus, so check into things in the area like that. And if you feel like the textbook is something you're never going to find use for again, sell it back to the bookstore after! I've made $60+ back in a semester for returning a few of my books.

* Don't be afraid.. to take classes outside of your requirements if they interest you. It's all about learning, don't just think of your education as a checklist. Don't be afraid to change your major either, I went from Journalism to Psychology already in my first year. Don't be afraid to exchange contact info with someone in your class; it's really nice to have someone to text if you miss a day and want to know what happened while you were gone, or to double-check about something the professor said. I've had to do this more than once, and it was nice having the convenience of asking another student rather than emailing the professor and waiting days, or possibly never getting a response, depending on the professor... Some are good about getting back to you, others aren't.
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So, what exactly am I doing out in Middle of Nowhere, USA? Truthfully not very much. Which can be pretty nice for awhile. Some days have been busier than others with visiting with my mom's friends, this is where she grew up afterall. We went to a couple of really nice shopping areas in Nebraska the other day, where surprisingly, I didn't buy any clothes! Instead I scored a couple of nice deals on accessories including wooden and gold bangles, a good hairwrap, a couple of books at B&N (Catcher in the Rye, Sarah's Key), and I really went crazy for this one place called The Body Shop. I've never been to one in New York, but they had pretty environmentally friendly products and they advocated for creating jobs in poor economic countires. They just seemed to have a lot of good messages behind their company and were reasonably priced, so I bought a few seaweed based face products, hoping they'll help keep me looking clean and fresh for summer. I'm trying to do a lot for my health overall lately. Trying to remember sunscreen, and getting in the routine of a morning and/or evening run along with a little abs and arms workout. And trying to eat healthy. It's easy here at the house because when we went grocery shopping I was very particular about what I chose.. wheat thins, whole grain bread, strawberries, v8 strawberry banana juice, special k, ect. But it's harder when we have lunch at the diner, there aren't really any "healthy options" to speak of, so that's my indulgence, I usually have a grilled cheese and fries, but I atleast skip the salt. I'm not really trying to lose weight although if a few pounds shed I won't complain ;), but I'm really just trying to give my body the best, get somewhere close to "optimal health" although I doubt I'll ever get quite that far. I'm just trying to be more conscientious about what I'm putting into my body and how I'm keeping my body in shape and preventing health problems I don't need to have. I definitely need to tone up, my arm strength is pathetic hahah. I'd like to be a lot more active than previous summers. Tom sent me a text the other night that we're going to go running in the woods when I get home, so now that really motivates me to shape up while I'm in Iowa. I don't want to be huffing and puffing 20 ft behind him, feeling like a burden holding him up. I want it to be a good experience where I can keep up with him and we can push eachother to keep going.

So in Iowa I've been practicing my endurance running on the gravel roads. The unstable ground seems like decent preparation for the woods, although the woods are going to be much steeper. I really just want to be outside and do a lot while I'm off from college and free from the confines of my dorm room. How do you guys keep active in the summer?

I'm not really sure what I want to do about employment this summer either. Lately I've been working with my old art teacher, flipping a house. I find stuff like that to be so much more fun than sitting inside a store all day. I like doing work that you can actually see yourself getting things done, you witness the progress. At my retail job, I feel like I'm just folding clothes that are going to be messed up again 20 minutes later, bugging customers who don't want to be talked to, and sweating in the limited number of work-approved outfits I own.. the same ones I wear through the winter. I guess I'm weighing my options.. but if I can work on the house flipping deal all summer, I might not have the time for a secondary job, and the house work actually pays better too with alot more flexibility. I appreciate that my previous job has kept a spot open for me while I went to college, but I want to spend my summer having fun and doing things I want to do.. If I can get away with just working for my teacher, and working enough to get by for the summer, that's what I'll do, although the idea of quitting makes me nervous. Then there's also the prospect of working at this nice hotel in the restaurant part which is what my friend is doing. She's pretty sure she can get me in, and it sounds like a good job, paying better than the one I have now, plus the opportunity for tips.. so that's an option too. I just don't want to overwhelm myself with work this summer, it passes too quickly to not enjoy it.

I kind of like doing work that gets my hands dirty. I like scraping wallpaper and getting paint splatters on my sloppy clothes. I like feeding calves, but I like it more when Tom does it along with me. I want to go hiking this summer. I want to plant a vegetable garden. I want to go to bed smelling like bonfire smoke 75% of the time and wake up atleast one morning to take a drive to the ocean on a day that just seems right. I want pictures, and pictures, and pictures so I never forget the fun and the youth I once had.

I'm so ready for summer, how about you?

Disappearing Act

2011-04-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

On the very last minute of this Tuesday evening, I'm making a comeback. I will not guarentee for how long, because sadly, I always wind up disappearing after a few posts. I hate that I do this, but it always seems to happen. I refuse to just give up and delete this blog though. It's like that brown, dying houseplant that nobody has the heart to quit watering. I'm just going to keep watering it when I remember, let it sit in the sun, and hopefully one day it will turn a lush green again.

I'm really excited to catch up with everyone though, it's going to be a challenge, but hey, I'll embrace it. Things have just gotten so busy with my college life, as they did in my highschool life, and I see that it's really not a good excuse. I need to drill the concept of "time management" into my head. It's getting there.. I'm atleast doing well with balancing a social life and an academic life---but now I need to learn to incorporate my introverted/"me time" life into the mix..including working out. Tonight was the first time I really exercised in WEEKS, just like with blogging.. Lately I've been going home a lot. Friends have been offering me rides left and right, plus it's MAPLE SEASON!!!!!, so I've been making maple candies and cream from our own maple syrup. We're actually having a great season, which we desperately needed after last year... Last year we only made around 36 gallons of maple syrup, and this year, not even finished with the season, we've made 100 gallons. I think it could be a good idea to get some sort of website started up for it.. like, that stuff sells.. and honestly we don't charge nearly as much as most maple producers do for the same quantities and grades of syrup. So.. when I decide I have a bunch of time on my hands.. maybe I'll make a website, haha. I know I just wrote a big post last time, forever ago, about my uncertainty about my future, and lo and behold, I've gone and made it more complicated. Now I'm seriously considering going on the Psychology track. I know I sound really inconsistent. I can admit that I'm not really at all sure what I would like to spend the rest of my life doing.. But I know this, atleast. I do not want to be a reporter. It isn't me. These journalism classes I've taken so far, all news related, which should be a big DUH, but it really isn't my thing. I had an interest in doing magazines, but that wasn't really the direction my classes have been going in. Next semester I'm planning on taking a Magazine Writing course to affirm my decision.. but I took a Psych 101 class, and I think there might be something for me there.. I have always had an interest in helping people, actually I make it a priority a lot of the time.. I thought about Psychology before, but I had the idea in my head that it would be too hard, it's a "science," and I never could retain scientific information in highschool. But this class has proven to be different. I'm pretty interested, and I'm getting phenomonal(please excuse the bragging) grades in it. That's one thing I've been trying to do this semester, step up my grades. First semester I was just gliding along, doing average, on the verge of poorly. I passed everything, but not with flying colors. Now I'm realizing that even though I'm at a big university, I can still excell if I actually put forth effort. And.. if I'm paying for it, it's definitely worth the effort. I'm learning that this isn't 13th grade. But back to psych. I'm not 100% sure what I'd definitely do with it, whether I'd go all the way and get a Ph.D and open a private practice, or maybe I'd find a concentration and go into something like School Psychology. It's just another option though, I probably won't really have a solid idea of what I want to do until next year when I take more courses in it. I'm definitely more interested in the counseling side of it than the research/experimental concentration. But then again, maybe I'm really a writer. Or maybe I'm none of these future identities I try to claim. It's all just trial and error, this college thing. Oh, and I'm kind of over the last two colleges I was talking about. I still think I want to transfer after next year, but my desired location/school has changed. It's all about Champlain College in Burlington now.

I just want to take a moment here to say Rest In Peace to Sean Laflash. Last week my town lost a really great kid, much too early. He was such a polite, sweet, and respectable person. He spent his entire life in boy scouts, and was recently awarded his Eagle Scout status.. Sean had a passion for photography, and he worked hard all summer for his DSL camera.. He lived up the road from me.. I would drive by his house and wave at him nearly every day. He was a senior this year, only a grade below me. He knew how to make people laugh. He had good friends. He died doing something he loved, skiing.. He was a great kid, and it is truly a tragedy that his life was cut so short. He could have done a lot of good things.

I really want to encourage anyone who skis or snowboards, or does any sort of high action sport/activity, to please be safe, and wear a helmet. It can't always save you, but it is worth the investment in case it can. I always wear mine. Freak accidents shouldn't discourage anyone from going out and exploring their passions, but just use a little precaution. Watch your speed, wear a helmet, be aware of your surroundings..

On that note I think I will end this. In exactly a month, May 5, Cinco de Mayo, I will take my two final exams and officially be done with my first year of college ;)! That's part of the reason I made a point to post today, aside from it being waaaay past due.. I really don't want my last month of freshman year to be forgotten. I haven't even written in my journal in ages. I can't let it continue to go this way. I lose out on a lot of self reflection that way, and I espeically lose out when I don't blog, because I don't get the feedback I love from all of you. You are all really, truly dear to me. I'm sorry that I go off the radar so often, and I can't express how much it means when some of you continue to keep up with me despite my lack of good, frequent posts.

Internal Conflict

2011-03-01T18:30:00.000-08:00

When I think about where I want to transfer to after next year I am conflicted. When I think about what kind of work I want to be doing once I get out of school I am conflicted. It's all one big self-confliction and I haven't the slightest idea how to sort it all out before it's too late.

Thinking about it I've always kind of had this identity issue (don't worry, this isn't about to get psychotic), but I've always been torn between my farm girl roots and my curiosity for the bigger world. A Country Mouse and the City Mouse dilema if you will.
There's a simplicity to the country life that I love---there's something beautiful about deep green grass and a hard day's work and an honest living. The older I grow, the more I admire the country people. The more I appreciate the work my parents do to produce high quality milk--the more I see the injustice of how little farmers get for doing so much. My parents work 12-14 hours every day (including weekends) on the farm, all year round, yet we're just making ends meet. Seeing our struggle always kind of pushed me away from the lifestyle, "I just want to do anything but that..," get me to the city, give me tall buildings, clean structures, modern interior design. Give me a desk and an office and a steady paycheck that has no dependency on the inconsistent prices for milk/hundredweight. But now as I get older I'm drawn more to the pride of producing something, creating something of your own that can better the world somehow. I get ideas in my head of expanding our maple business, of possibly starting up some kind of other venture.. I get ideas of having a nice house out in the country with plenty of land.. If I have a family that's something I definitely want.. I can't picture myself permenantly living in a city.. It's something I would do for awhile for the experience of it, but I feel like it isn't where my roots are. So it makes me wonder where my future is headed. I always thought I was bound to be this big city girl, you know? I mean maybe.. but it's all so confusing. There's like two images of myself that I conjure up when I think about the future.
On one side I see this professional journalist. This magazine editor, or this columnist, this successful woman who's aware of the world and has a voice to speak about it. She knows the issues, she cares about the issues, and she pushes them to the surface. She conducts or contributes to meetings with big fancy posterboard with expoential growth charts and vibrant photos to be selected for the publication. She writes down story ideas and her words hit the printed press in copy, after copy, after copy. She has Starbucks in one hand and a ballpoint pen in the other, she gets down the business.
Now meet the other self, she's in the sugarhouse boiling down tree sap to make maple syrup. A lively Austrailian Shepard paces in front of her, asking for attention. Once she finishes boiling for the day she goes inside to work a little more on her novel with a cup of hot chocolate sitting on her large wooden desk. The dog sleeps beneath her feet and only stirs when the front door opens signaling that her husband is home. Maybe she's a notable author, or maybe she works for a local media outlet, but she resides in the country. There's room for dogs to run and a family to grow. She might have some livestock, maybe if she gets ambitious she'll start up a small dairy business, or maybe she'll raise puppies, or maybe her husband is a crop man. Or something else entirely, or a mixture. Whatever she does she loves the land and loves the animals, she takes care of them both. An agricultural hippie.

This is why I'm so conflicted. I see these two persons, and I don't know which path I'm supposed to take.

College I feel is a major step in either direction. Two of the schools I'm considering go hand in hand with these opposite persons. One is a media arts college in Chicago, supposed to be fantastic for gaining a media-driven education, they even have Magazine Journalism as its own independent major. Usually everything is just lumped together under the vague title of "Journalism." Great facilities, wicked cool dorm options (bathroom and kitchen in every suite), really modern look.. And they have a minor in environmental science option. Problem is, it's a big change to a humongous city--and it's 15 hours away by car. Coming home, I'd be on a plane for sure. Needless to say I wouldn't be coming home too much.

School #2 is half an hour to 45 minutes away, but in Vermont instead of New York. It's a small liberal arts college, focused on environmental sustainability. It's a close-knit community, and they do have a Communications/Journalism major, but it isn't nearly as focused as the city college, but that doesn't mean it can't be a good program. This school has Agricultural programs and a Writing program along with many environmental applications, that's its main thing afterall. It even has its own campus-run farm, where the students take on the responsibility of making sure the chores get done and the plants and livestock are taken care of. You learn about farming and how to do things like make your own cider and honey. There's a lot of chances to do things outdoors for recreation. I'm not sure if I would be better off commuting or living on campus if I went to this school..I'd kind of rather live on campus, but if the cost is greater than the gas---then it's up in the air.

I just don't know.. The city seems so interesting, but I also love the charm of a small, close-knit college full of other peace and earth-loving hippies like me. What if I try to snatch a bite of the city mouse cheese, only to be caught in the paws of the big cat? I just don't know, I feel like I'm at a crossroads. There's options beyond these two schools, but they're my top contenders at the moment, so I thought it'd be best to pair them against eachother.

There's one constant across my inconsistent string of ideas, and that's to receive a good education. Regardless of what I wind up doing, I want to always be learning, and college grants the best opportunities for that--the best intellectual environments, and I want to sieze the opportunity while I still can.

I know this was one big annoying argument with myself, so if any of you read this, I give you major credit.. Hopefully my next post will be on a different sort of topic.

OH WAIT, maybe I should let you guys know about my trip.. So I went in positive spirits, a chance to do something with my mom, and a "Farm Show" honestly didn't sound too bad to me, as I've admitted in this post, I'm kind of into that stuff. So we go late Thursday morning. We do a little shopping at the mall and go back to the hotel because we intend on going to the farm show in the morning. Hello major blizzard... It was snowing non-stop Friday, my mom was too weary to venture out in it.. So we were stuck in the hotel room, all day. I think I watched "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and "The Shining." Perfect for being stranded in a hotel, no? So somehow I managed to survive through that, I tried to keep my complaining at a minimal, I knew my mom hadn't planned on this happening--it was right at the end of my vacation from college too.. so I really didn't want to be stuck for a day of nothing. But the next day we packed our bags, checked out of the Best Western, and headed to the Farm Show.It was pretty alright stuff. Mainly vendor booths advertising their product or services, spoke with some of them. It'd definitely be neat for someone who knew what everything was. Lots of big machinery, like huge. It was neat to be around so many "farm folk," wearing their Carhartts and boots, seeing both children and boys my own age climbing up into the tractor's to look them over. Did I mention this was all inside, thank god.. So my mom and I went around and looked at most every booth, she talked to company correspondents that she knew, we got a free buffet lunch from some friends of hers, and I bought maple cotton candy in the maple part. Although I wish it hadn't been a three-day-excursion, I'm glad I went and spent time with her, and it was a good experience to go to the show.

It was nice to come back though. I finished up visiting with friends, saw Amanda again, spent more time with Tom and Julie's family. One day, the day I was supposed to be heading back to college, Tom had the idea to go snowboarding on the hill behind his house. So much fun. It was pretty warm out too, so we were just in jeans and sweatshirts, falling down in the snow, and it didn't even feel that cold! I just got right back up, and trudged back up the mountain, it wasn't uncomfortably cold at all, it was weirdly..refreshing. I fell alot though, I have a ways to go in my snowboarding career, ha ha. Luckily the snow was deep too, so no pain. One run, I fell directly on top of the burdox bush... Smooooooth. Thankfully I had Tom to help pick the burs out of my sweatshirt. I went grocery shopping with them, and I had my own list too, and we didn't get back until 6:30 or so, and my mom wanted to take me home by 5, or I needed to find an alternative ride, she's not a night-time driver. So I decided what the hell, I'll just stay another night, because Julie offered to take me back the next day. So I went home and said my goodbyes, got a nice visit in with my grandma :). Never again after that one time, will I ever let myself be home without seeing my grandma atleast once. That time I ran out of time before I had to go back to college---guilt ate me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner all week. It felt nice to have an extra night too, not to rush right back to school. Julie and I had a nice drive down here too, I wish it had been farther kind of so our conversation didn't have to end as soon as it did. I'm hoping her and Amanda will come down to hang out here this weekend, but it's undecided. But here I am now, at college once again. Procrastinating homework once again ;), but atleast I'm blogging. I hope everything is going well with all of you.

Olive

2011-02-23T20:17:00.000-08:00

I am happy to announce that I'm on "winter break," but it's more than halfway over. I've just been too busy and stranded from my computer to update. I have spent every day of the break working at Polo, and nearly every night with Tom and Julie at their house. Needless to say, there hasn't been much solitude with my computer. School has been hectic too, homework assignments, tests, club meetings--- I got my act together and joined this Society of Professional Journalists club--- so hopefully I get a more solid background in my major as a result of it. There's only been one meeting but the people who are in it are all really nice, laid back, knowledgable people. I think it's definitely going to be good for me.

So there's this cat at my house. Actually, there's a lot of cats at my house. When you live on a farm people find it acceptable to just drop random cats off that they decide they no longer want, or lack the time to take care of. This leads to cats multiplying, and a farm overrun with felines. Anyways, this one black cat has been hanging around, coming in and out of the house for over a year now, regularly giving birth to litters of kittens outside. A couple of weeks ago "Mama cat" gave birth to a kitten. Yes, a single, solitary kitten, and she took it upon herself to pick it upwith her teeth by the scruff of its neck, and bring it into our bathroom closet. So we now have a kitten in our closet.. :)

While I'm on the subject of pets, Tom caught a mole in his house awhile ago. It has been living in the wall for quite some time, sneaking out to steal from the dogfood bowl. He's never been quick enough to catch the thing, but finally he did. He constructed a little mole habitat in a large white bucket filled with like a foot of dirt, the top of a jar for a water dish, and a piece of wood. We named him Molson, after the beer. He burrowed in the dirt and drank his water and ate the dog food Tom would put in there for him. Things were great, until Julie caught a second mole, and her and Tom decided to put it in the same bucket as Molson... :/ only one mole remains. I think the second mole murdered Molson, he had a mean look to him.. and he was a little bigger. So sad.. Tom named this mole Ivan, as in Ivan the Terrible. I know you're probably all thinking "man, that's cruel, just let the creature go," but here's the dilema. It's damn cold out. The moles are chillin' in the walls for a reason. Let them go in the woods, they're going to burrow into a snowbank and die. If Tom's going to keep up with this mole catching business though, he's going to need more buckets and more dirt. RIP Molson..

Netflix has been treating me well. I got to watch one of the best movies I have ever seen.. "Into the Wild." Some of you have seen it I'm sure, but in case you haven't it's about a young guy, right out of college named Chris McCandless who gives up everything and leaves his life behind to seek adventure and hitchhike his way arond. He meets many people along the way who influence him and his ideas, but ultimately, his journey is his own. His final destination is the beautiful Alaskan wilderness, where he will sustain himself from the land, on his own. It's just a really good, inspiring movie.. Breaking off from society, pursuing happiness, self sufficiency.. It's based on a real guy, and I think the movie actually holds pretty true to the story, and there was also a book before the movie, which I really need to get my hands on.. Anyways, I loved it, and I reccomend it to anyone who hasn't watched it yet. Personally I'm a little on the hippie side sometimes, and watching this definitely brought that out. I feel like I need to go on some sort of adventure before I get too old and boring for it. I want to backpack around somewhere, maybe. Maybe Europe..Ireland, somewhere beautiful. Also unlike this guy though, I would rather not do it alone.

"Two years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return 'cause "the West is best." And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climatic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual pilgrimage. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitch-hiking bring him to the Great White North. No longer to be poisened by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild." - Alexander Supertramp

Things of late

Tea, tea, tea.

NPR and This American Life broadcasts

Stonyfield BaNilla yogurt

Reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns"

Hanging out with my dog.

This post has lacked in the visual aid department. I've honestly been too tired to go through the effort of uploading or searching for fitting pictures to accompany anything.. My apologies. I'm actually leaving for Syracuse in the morning to go to a farming convention with my mom. Should be interesting.We'll probably go shopping and check out the city too. We're staying atleast one night there, possibly a second if the weather is as bad as they're saying it's going to be. Well, I have to be up and getting ready in oh... 6 or 7 hours.. yikes. I should probably get to sleep. I'm hoping to post again about our trip fairly soon, but I wanted to squeeze an update on everything else in beforehand. Hope everything's going well for everyone :).

UPDATE:
I arrived safely and timely to my destination. I went shopping for awhile, picked up some books at the closing sale at Borders---is anyone else upset about this??! I felt like I was going to like, cry when I walked in there to see bare shelves and a shut down Seattle's Best :(. Now if I ever want a vanilla bean kula from there I'll have to actually GO to Seattle I bet. UGH :P. But it really does make me sad to see Borders go.. Now I'm just hanging out in the hotel room. I really like hotels, is that strange? I'm with my mom for this trip, but I would be perfectly okay with staying in a room by myself going on business or whatever, as long as it isn't a shithole or in some majorly creepy location. I just like traveling in general.

To increase the cute-factor of my post, I got around to adding a photo of my closet kitten. Now everybody say "Awwww" ;).

Olive

An Update? Why yes.

2011-02-09T19:55:00.000-08:00

Yo. ;)
Things here haven't been too wild-crazy-exciting. But I have been working on that whole "let's be productive this semester" thing, and it's actually yielding some results. No missed classes[yet], my homework is usually done by class, or atleast done enough for me to understand what we're talking about and not fail a quiz. I have been going to the gym religiously. I am becoming a news junkie, which I have been trying to become ever since I started this whole journalism major. It takes awhile to get in the habit of checking the news, but Huffingtonpost.com makes it a lot easier for me to do. I like having a nice, print copy of The New York Times though, makes me feel savvy. Haha. But really, I've grown to love the articles I find in there. I finally got myself around to joining the college newspaper too. I hope I can write well for them, I haven't really had to write for a print audience before, but it shouldn't be much different than this. Except for less of my opinions and minescule tidbits about my every day life, hahah. Sometimes I try to throw something more substantial in there, I need to start doing that more.

Can you keep a secret? I didn't watch a second of the Superbowl. Dead serious. I realize this strips me of a few "American" fibers of my being..but I'll survive. I did watch Christina Aguilera's national anthem fail on youtube today though ;), talk about embarassing.

I honestly don't watch a lot of television to begin with, but I'm starting to get into the shows on National Geographic. I watched this special on Explorer called "How to Build a Beating Heart," that was pretty interesting I have to admit. Using the body's own stem cells to regenerate organs rather than sitting on a donor list, crossing your fingers that you aren't dead by the time it finally goes through. I don't know, I mean there's a lot of ethical issues behind the whole deal, and I know I for one am already concerned with the human population as it is--but maybe it could be a good thing. I would need a lot more research than one tv special to make that sort of call. They had this "skin gun" though, and I thought that was an amazing thing. Typically when you suffer a severe burn, it's a long, excrutiating process to get your skin back to a healthy state. It's hard on your whole body. I know what I know about burns and skin grafts from Tom, he was burned at 9 years old, and it was pretty bad..that's probably an understatement. I didn't know him back then, but he's told me about it, and you can still see the grafts though they've faded over the years. Anyways, on the show they had a gun, similar to that of a paint-spraying gun, except filled with your own skin cells, and with the aided percision of a computer they will coat the burnt area with adequate skin cells, and in a matter of DAYS, the skin looks normal. No removing skin from other body parts, no waiting for weeks or more to heal in a hospital, it's amazing what science can do. From what I could gather they're still working on getting it to be a standard procedure, but they have had a lot of success so far, and I think it would be a nice option for burn patients to have if it really works as well as the NatGeo special led me to believe. Another part of the video that was crazy, to see a rat heart beating independent from the body, that's a wow-ing visual. I don't know if anyone is like, into that kind of stuff, but here's the link to the preview if you are. http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/series/explorer/4828/Overview#tab-Overview

I WANT this, so much. Splurge...??! Ahh, I don't know. It's on Etsy. I love Etsy. But I need to be conservative with my wallet damnit. It doesn't help that I can't allow myself to walk out of Borders empty handed. But man, this shirt is so unique haha. Why must I care about fashion?

I'm going home this weekend. I feel so thankful/grateful/giddy that I have a best friend who

misses me to the extent that she'll drive down here and pick me up a weekend before the weekend my vacation starts, because she doesn't want to wait that long to hang out. That's a true friend right there :).

I hope that everything is splendid and well wherever you all may be.
Olive

Hello February

2011-02-02T20:35:00.001-08:00

So I've tried to post an entry like three separate times.. Each time I began a post, then lost momentum, felt like what I was writing was mundane. Or I started on a rant that I thought I'd regret later, and turns out I'm glad I didn't rant on here, because thinking it over, I was in the wrong.
Maybe I should explain. I began writing a post about how frustrating it can be to live as an only child. I went home for the weekend and most of it was spent, well, not at home. That's kind of how it usually turns out. See, my parents are hard working people, they're always out on the farm taking care of the animals, fixing machinery, things of that nature. So when I come home it's usually to an empty house, so of course when friends want to do something I'm totally game. Something I always make sure to do when I'm home is visit my grandma. There was only one time that I didn't have the time to, I was at my friend's too long and for punishment/because of the lack of daylight left to drive, my mom wouldn't let me go over and say goodbye to her. I was infuriated that day. I kept thinking to myself, "what if something happens while I'm at college, what if I never get to say goodbye.." Thankfully she was still in good health the next time I came home, but it definitely drove the point home to me that I need to prioritize. This weekend I actually thought I was doing better with making time for my family than I had in the past.. The day my mom picked me up we went grocery shopping together, made plans to go on a weekend trip at the end of February, and on the way home we took the long way because there were some things she wanted to check out. We ran into my dad on the tractor along the way and we went over to the field with him so I could take photos of him using the corn picker. The snow was like a foot and a half deep and I didn't have my good boots on, so I went trudging alongside the tractor in the snow, barely keeping up, trying to get good shots.. Then when he made his way back towards me, he got out of the tractor and went on and on about my speeding ticket at the beginning of the new year. I knew it was coming, but it was just agonizing to bear through while my boots and bottom of my jeans were soaking through, and I was out of breath from chasing after him for the pictures.. I didn't argue back though, and I promised to stay under the speed limit, yadda, yadda, yadda :P. I know he was right to scold me, it just wasn't a great way to start the weekend. I hung around the house for awhile, then went to Tom's to kick back and relax. I guess this is what makes my family life the most complicated, Tom and his family feel like family to me too.. I recognize that I don't spend enough time with my own family, and I really want to change that; but I think why I spend so much time with my "second family," is because it's so much easier. Basically what I got in a quarrel with my mom about Sunday, was that I don't make the effort to come out to the barn and help them/see them, and I'm always running off with myfriends. I do realize that. And I do want to change that. It's just nice to hang out with people my own age.. not growing up with siblings or cousins or anyone with less than 40 years age difference between them and myself---it's been difficult. Now that I have real friendships, ones that really mean something, it's hard to put them on the backburner for other things, but I need to. I really love my family. I guess the part of the whole thing that did make me feel like the blame wasn't fair, was that sometimes I feel like my parents should try more too. I'm willing to come out on the farm more to see them, but I hope they're willing to try to find time to spend with me in other ways too.. I can say I honestly don't remember the last time we went out to dinner together. One Fathers Day or some kind of holiday, I made my dad a coupon for a meal that'd be "on me" anywhere he wanted to go--he just needed to figure out a day that he could go. We haven't gone yet. I know my parents are busy, I know that they work hard.. Maybe I'm selfish for expecting them to take time out for me when they already have so much to stress over.. We're just kind of a weird family. We never ever eat dinner together because my dad comes in from milking so late.. then my mom doesn't even eat real meals, she usually just microwaves a hotdog and eats some bread and calls it good because she snacks throughout the day. Neither of my parents cook, or enjoy preparing meals. It's all about quick and convenient, and most of the things they eat aren't really things I like to eat. We can't do family vacations because we don't have the money, and my dad can't take time away from the farm.. so overall it's kind of an untraditional set up, so that's what makes it harder to spend time together I suppose.. Tom's family is always having me stay for dinner, and bringing me on their trips, so they kind of fill that void for me, and I love them for that. I love feeling like a part of their family. But I love my own family too. Just because we can't be the traditional family it doesn't mean we don't have anything special. I just need to put more effort into making our time together count. I'm an adult, it's time that I step up.. I could make dinner for them, or help with the chores so they have time to go somewhere.. I'm not doing enough. I felt angry when my mom confronted me about it at first, but now I realize I was just mad because it's true. It put a lot into perspective for me.. It's so hard to achieve the right balance of things, of time, of love.. but the more I learn and the more I accept about the mistakes I've made and the flaws I have, then the better able I'll where it is I want to be. I have to admit though, it'd be easier if there were other kids in the family, if my actions weren't always in the limelight.. it would be nice to have someone else to make effort, to draw their attention. To pick up the slack, to screw up sometimes. I think the most difficult thing with my family is an ability to relate. My parents lived a totally different lifestyle than me. They tell me themselves, they never really cared about going everywhere with their friends. My dad's main priority ever since he was a child has been the farm. He's never left it.. he went to college locally and farmed all through that, he's never held a different job.. he didn't have time for much socializing. Not to say he never did, he has friends, but it was never a big part of his life, farming was #1. My mom was kind of the same way too, she's more like me than my dad atleast, and back home she definitely had friends, but it still wasn't the same. Neither of them understand why I want to spend so much time with my friends, they come right out and say it, it's just one of the obstacles that keep us from fully understanding eachother. Being an only child in my situation makes me who I am though, I just need to learn to step up and make things better, and be more open, and spend more time listening.

While things were a little helter skelter with my own family this weekend, I did have a good time with my friends. I got to spend a full day with Amanda, catch up on the things that are too long for us to text about. I saw my friend Rachel one night who I haven't seen once since we originally left for college, so that was really good.. and Saturday night a bunch of us went to a concert which was totally awesome, and we continued the tradition of going to IHop afterwards and I had chocolate chip pancakes, again ;). It was good to see Julie too. That girl can drink tea like nobody's business. No seriously, two-two-liter bottles on the stuff in one day. I really have to give some kudos to Tom for this weekend too.. He made some money and repaid me in cash for when I covered him in NYC, drove me back to college the Monday morning..DIDN'T laugh at me when I hit a patch of ice walking out of the pharmacy and dropped like a sack of potatoes as he witnessed the entire thing from the car.. he said the only funny thing about it was that I smiled the same smile I had before I fell down once I got back up again :P.. he's a good guy. I say that a lot, but it's true. Things with my family and just stress in general were getting to me this weekend, but hanging out with him definitely made things better.

One of the photos I took for my dad of the corn picker with our valley's mountains in the background.

When I went to visit my grandma over the weekend I was greeted with a nice surprise---the chance to sift through some of her jewelry, and being able to have whatever my little heart fancied :). The first box has most of the items I took, I didn't get everything in the shot, but the silouhette clip-on earrings are one of my favorites, and the other photo is of my grandfather's class ring(1944), the one who passed away in the fall. I'm giving the ring to my dad--but I loved all of the things my grandma let me have, there's a golden shamrock bracelet that I cannot wait to sport in Ireland one day.. and she let me have a beautiful locket that has a photo of her and my grandpa glued inside. It was so sweet.. I'm going to cherish that box forever.

I think I've reached a decision about college. I've been weighing it out over the past week or so, and I think I'm going to keep going to this school for the fall semester atleast, but most likely the whole second year, then transfer out. College here will be different when I have my car, and I'm thinking it'd be better for me to make it through a SUNY school for two years with good GPA's to show for myself before I try to go onward. Last semester I had a 2.8...that's mediocre. I want to do better than that. I'm striving for a 3.6, we'll see how it goes. As of now the school I want to transfer to is a media arts college in Chicago. I've been fawning over that school for a couple of years, I feel like it would be perfect for me, in every way except for the distance.. 15 hours from home. The school I'm at now is a quick hour drive from my house. Sometimes I come home for the weekend and go back Monday morning right before class, it's that easy. Living in Chicago would mean I wouldn't see anyone from home except during breaks. That's a big step. Right now I miss my friends if two or three weeks pass without a visit. Chicago I feel would be best for me as a little more grown up. College is making me grow up quicker, but I don't think I'm quite ready for a big city on my own yet. I need to work on myself here, work on getting journalism experience, work on the smaller newspaper here before I think I can jump right into Chicago. I need more cultural enlightment, the phrase Nicole cleverly coined. I'm only beginning to catch up, I'm only beginning to really read the news, really do my research. Having a way with words isn't enough anymore. It was enough to get me to the top in highschool english, but that's long gone now. Now I have an english class that I'm doing poorly in, yes, POORLY in english. It's so frustrating. I don't get how to answer the woman's questions. A lot of them seem to be asked around her opinion...they're analytical questions where the answer is how she interprets it. I'm used to english having leeway. I think I'll be able to pull through the class just fine, but her quizzes are definitely throwing me for a loop. My other english class on reading literature is just fine.. the teacher is more open to interpretation it seems, and it's more of an open discussion setting than a quizzed one. Anyways, I think I'm going to stick it through another year. Give myself more time to think, plus around that time most of my friends will be ready to transfer out of the community college, so if I go away, I hopefully won't be the only little bird leaving the nest.

Tonight left me feeling sad and shocked because a girl on my campus, actually in my close friend's building, committed suicide. You hear about teen suicides all of the time, but it's an unbelievable feeling when it happens so close to where you are.. It was a floor below my friend, she heard the police, they blocked off the hallway near the bathroom where it happened.. When I was walking to the campus center, I saw a hearse roll by. It gives me goosebumps. I never met the girl in my life, but to think a girl here, a girl I could've become friends with, decided to end her life right here, it's crazy to think about. I can't imagine being the person to find her. Her poor family.. her poor friends.. It's such an all around tragic thing :/.. My friend found out her name and looked her up on Facebook, now I have a face to put to the thought.. I almost wish I didn't. She was a really, like really really pretty girl, and smiling in all of her photos.. I wonder what drove her to feel like she had no other way out. Things like this break my heart.

Olive

Just Chill

2011-01-22T20:27:00.000-08:00

First of all, tell me that isn't amazing! Amanda made those for best friend necklaces, it's her, Julie, and me if you couldn't tell :)! My best friend has talent, and I'm going to brag for her because she's much too polite to do it herself. They came down to my college to go shopping and visit me today, it was totally unexpected and totally made my day.

This weekend has been rather uncharacteristic of most college weekends. I don't know if it's because I'm over the inital excitement of the college scene, if it's the frigid, miserable weather, or if I'm just changing my interests, but I had about zero desire to go out partying this weekend. It's not like it was my main focus last semester either, but if I was down here, I usually went out atleast one night out of the weekend. It's kind of worked out that my friends here are broke, and now my roommate's getting sick, so there hasn't been much pressure to go, and that's kind of relieving. One of my really good friends here wanted me to come out, and part of me wanted to so I could be with her, but everything else about it is unappealing. The cold. Waiting for the buses/taxi cabs. The money spending. Did I mention the cold? Last night Paige and I sat in our room on our separate beds watching Everybody Loves Raymond. I felt like a 50 year old married couple, and I enjoyed it. It feels nice to be able to just relax, just chill for once. Normally I feel like I'm running around doing fifty-million things, making plans, going places, but now I have the luxury of just being, and I like it. I do love exploring the town though, and going out can be loads of fun, but I'm going to choose my nights wisely. The last thing I want is to feel overwhelmed. This semester is about me getting my shit together. I want to come out of it having a greater understanding of myself and what I want to do with my life. I want to know how to manage my time, and learn to accept the idea of missing out on things. That has always been a problem for me, I want to be a part of everything that's going on with my friends, or sounds appealing. In the words of Aerosmith "I don't wanna miss a thing." That's been one of the hardest things about going away for school, seeing the photos and hearing the stories that I wasn't there for firsthand. It's an important thing to go through though---you can't always be there for everything, and when you aren't, you have to learn to be happy for people's happiness in your absence. I do love it when you get surprises though, it was so nice to roll out of bed around 11:00 and receive a text from Amanda asking if I was free today :). I wasn't expecting to see any of my friends from home until next weekend, which I hope to come home for.

It just feels good to have everything under control. I have time to do my course assignments, there's oatmeal in the room so I no longer have to starve after the dining hall closes since I'm basically nocturnal...I hopefully will be getting a job, if I apply for TAP I should be getting money back so going to college won't cost both my arm and my leg. I'm still uncertain about what I want to do college-wise after this semester.. if I want to continue here, or possibly transfer, it's all up in the air. I like this school, but I don't know that it's specific enough for me. In theory, what I'd like is to determine the path I want to go down, and then be in a place where it caters to that field. Going into college I just picked journalism, thinking my love for writing and my interest with publications, especially National Geographic, was enough. News was never my thing and neither was broadcast, and that seems to be the majority of the exposure to journalism here---and since that isn't the part I wanted to be a part of, it makes it difficult to figure out if it's the right field for me. I'm still glad to be getting the foundation in it, and there's a lot of things I'm learning that will help me, but I still wish I was getting a better idea of what it would be like to do things beyond that---like photojournalism or working with magazines.. I feel like it's going to take me forever to get to that point here, if I ever do.. There's another part of me that's curious about where my life might lead if I took the psychology path. I've always had an interest in that, and I genuinely like being able to help people with their problems. But everyone wants to be a psychologist these days. I don't know, I don't know. I'll probably take a path with writing, but nothing is for certain, and there are a lot of things I need to hash out in my mind with reason. I just want to wind up doing something I love.

This was a thoroughly boring post aside from Amanda's artwork, I always wind up using Blogger or whatever medium I'm writing in as a place to vent. I'd like to make it be something more than that, something more interesting than that. I want to have better things to share with people.

Olive

And the New Semester Begins

2011-01-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

Vacation is officially over, I'm sitting on my twin sized dorm bed, 4ft above the floor--which doubles as my workspace/desk on most evenings. I rode here with my dad during the noreastern storm yesterday, going about 30mph the entire way, it took over twice the time that it usually does to get there. I did a lot of reading :P.
It was nice to be re-united with Paige and Madiha though, I missed those girls. Today I had my first classes, Info Strategies and Growing Up in America. The first is a journalism class, the professor was wicked nice, I think I like her already. I liked my last journalism teacher, but I don't know.. he was kind of a hard ass, and I felt like I didn't meet up to his expectations--plus back then I was completely oblivious to current events. Like I failed multiple quizzes. It was an ongoing embarassment. I hope I've made atleast some improvement since then. But this woman seemed like she's really understanding and if I do start to have trouble, I think I'll be less intimidated to come to her than I was to ask him anything. Then the other class is an english class, that was acutally pretty interesting. We're going to be doing a lot of group activities. In the past I have found these to be annoying, but maybe it'll be better if I'm collaborating with college students, rather than the average Joe slacker in highschool.

First meal back at school, now I have to re-adjust to not having the luxury to just whip up whatever I want. Not that I could cook well anyways. The dining hall does have the best raspberry lemonade though, that's what's in my glass :).
I have a lot that I need to get done. I need to see the financial aid office and talk about my last bill, and discuss the loans I accepted from FAFSA or whatever--I'm so ignorant with financial stuff.. but since my parents are too, and they're too busy to learn, it's kind of on me to step up and get to know all that I can. I have to buy the rest of my books from this bookstore downtown. I need notebooks, groceries, and a brita from Walmart. I need to resume exercising..

I'm thinking about applying for a job. Here's how my schedule goes: Mondays and Wednesdays I'm done wth classes by 4:05. Tuesdays I'm done at 1:05, Thursdays aren't an option( 3 classes all spread out) and Fridays I'm done at 11:20. I feel like that leaves enough time for a job, like 3 days out of the week.. My parents think it's just proposterous that I'd want to take one on in addition to going to school.. but honestly, I could use having the extra cash flow, and I don't really start my homework until later in the evening anyways--that's just when I work best. Maybe I'm too confident in myself, maybe it's too much for me to handle.. but I feel like if it is, I could always just tell them that and quit. It's a perfectly fine excuse.. but if I could manage my time with it, I feel like it could be a good decision. If anything I'd just work a job in a store at the mall, which is just a 10 minute bus ride from the school. I don't want to work all of the time, I just don't want to feel like I'm always spending money without making any. I was at the mall today and asked the guy at EXPRESS if they were hiring, and he said that they were and gave me an application--so that's an option on the table. I was also thinking about Borders, I'd LOVE that.. but the girl didn't know if they were looking to hire anyone, and told me to apply online.. meh. We'll see, we'll see.
Why am I such a night owl? It's past the midnight mark now, and I'm still here, not really feelings that tired. Paige is so good about going to bed, she's over there asleep, and I feel bad for having a lamp on, and for continuing to clunk around on my keyboard. She swears that she'll sleep whether that stuff is on or not, but I can't help but feel bad. I need a booklight, I feel like that'd be better than keeping the lamp on my side on. Tomorrow is a new bunch of classes, I hope they're as good as the first two have been. I feel bad right about now though, I can't help but be paranoid that I'm keeping her up--and I've run out of things to update you all with, yeah, seems like a good spot to end it.

Yours truly,
Olive

Realizations

2011-01-13T20:10:00.000-08:00

I spent the past few days in a way that I haven't in a very long time---primarily at my house and alone. This sounds like the beginning to a sad post, but it really isn't. I needed this time alone, it was honestly refreshing. You see, I'm the kind of person who's always up for anything. If a friend tries to make plans, you can almost count on me saying yes. And a lot of the time if nobody else makes plans, I do.
Recently though, I've started to feel like by always rushing around, always having to have something to do, someone to be with, I've missed out on a lot. I barely read. I run myself into the ground so the time that I do spend at home, it's spent sleeping/in a vegetative state sitting on the computer checking Facebook. I don't even watch movies, so I miss out even on that cultural aspect. I have a TIME subscription and I barely read more than an article when I get it, because I have somewhere to be, something to do. I feel like I don't learn a goddamn thing, ever.

I used to have a passion to learn new things, I used to be so much more aware of everything around me, and somehow I managed to lose that. I feel as though I've gotten progressively dumber, or atleast much less curious and motivated. Growing up I was always considered "the smart one" among my friends, I think after awhile I got it in my head that it meant I didn't have to keep working for it. I was just smart, that's who I was, naturally, nothing I needed to work on. But intellect extends farther than your grades in school, and now, I feel like I know so little. Friends will tell me random facts or news about things that they're interested in--but I feel like I never have anything like that to offer and that scares me.
So during my solitary confinement(which I'm over-exaggerating because I did leave the house a couple of times) I realized that the only way I'm going to fix this problem is if I motivate myself to have more interest in learning and less interest in always being on the move/always available to do whatever. Being around people is usually a great way to learn, but in my case, I really don't spend much time relaxing by myself, at all, so it's something I really should work on. Then when I'm not with people, I'm usually working. Even when I do have my time to myself, a lot of it is spent running errands so I'm still just as worn down. I think these past few days have put me in a better direction. I FINALLY cleaned my disaster zone of a room.. I took down a lot of wall decorations too, I want my room to look older, not the same as it's been since the 9th grade. I still have some favorite drawings/cards hung up from friends, I can't bring myself to take those down.. Nor do I really want to.. but my room looks a whole lot better now. Then I made a point to watch a couple of movies I've been dying to see, but never took the time to rent or buy.. I caved in and set myself up with Netflix, which I feel has proven to be a good decision.. I love the watch instantly feature. I caught myself up with 'Shutter Island' and 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. Both blew me away, I can't believe that I've been missing out on this stuff. And reading. This I still need to work on, but I'm getting closer to finishing 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo'. I have so many books just sitting here in my bookcase, waiting for me to read them. I don't know, I just feel really "uncultured" as Tom put it awhile ago, we were feeling the same way about not feeling like we know much. I really don't enjoy that feeling, so I'm going to do whatever I can to change it. I've got to get these wheels cranking and these creative juices flowing.

I know this post has been kind of well, weird.. But sometimes you just have to throw your feelings out there and hope that there's some sense among the babbling.
I guess I never really explained why I have been stuck at my house lately. You see, when I'm not at my house, which is a large portion of the time, I'm usually at Tom's house. I really love that place though..it honestly is my other home. The past few days they've been away on another snowboarding trip--I was invited again, but this time I chose to sit it out. I was supposed to have work Wednesday(which I ended up having a snowday from), plus I need to quit spending all of the money I have. They were planning to come back today, but now the plan is to come back tomorrow, which I really hope happens. Four days at home have been good for me, but now it's about time that I see them again. Also when I'm not at their house, I'm usually hanging out with Derek and people in his basement. Him and Zack have been in Jersey for the past three days. Luckily I've gotten to spend a little time with Amanda, we went out to dinner one night at a place called the Circus Cafe, that was a really nice time :), but I have missed seeing the rest of the gang. Tuesday I head back to school, so it's pretty necessary that I get to see some people. On a random note, I'm trying to teach myself german. It will probably fail miserably, I'm only on the alphabet/simple pronounciation stage in my book, but I'm really going to try to get something out of it. If you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to lay down with my book and read until two o' clock in the morning for the third night in a row. This time I'm getting a bit of a late start on it though, but it has to count for something..
Have a wonderful weekend!

Listening: On Melancholy Hill - Gorillaz
Craving: A glass of water, that's a surprise
Reading: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Olive

Cheers to a New Year

2011-01-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

Following Christmas I've really been legitimately busy :P.
The night of my last post was Christmas dinner over at Tom's house. Then the next morning we packed our bags and went up north to Saranac where we stayed with his dad's girlfriend and enjoyed riding the slopes on Titus Mountain. Despite having snowboarded last year---I still suck. If I'm simply riding, just staying upright, I can go all day. But if you throw in trying to do S-turns, and actually ride with the front of the board facing down the mountain, and not at some cautious diagonal stance, I begin falling on my rear left and right. Tom was trying so hard to teach me, and I really, really appreciate that, I know I was slowing him down(which added guilt to my frustration). I don't think it was all in vain though, by the end of it I was starting to get the turns right, but I was just so tired and sore from two full days on the mountain that I was ready to collapse by the time I was actually getting it. Oh well, there will be other times, and I did have a lot of fun. On the second day their cousins joined us there and we ended our boarding session early and bought tickets for the tubing part--that was a lot of fun for sure, especially with a crazy bunch like us.
We came home for New Years because SIRSY was playing a show near us :). It was cool to actually "go out" for New Years, typically we're at a house of some sort, but we were actually in a nice bar--hands sharpie branded with thick black X's of course. Before they went on stage both Melanie and Rich came up to us at separate times to say hello and laugh at our under 21 X's, it meant a lot that they realized we came, and made a point to show us it mattered that we were there :)

Then New Years day I took a drive up to Plattsburgh to see Tom's cousins for the night and give him and John a ride home since their dad was planning to go back with his girlfriend up north. On the way, first day of the new years guess what happens---I get a speeding ticket. I knew this day would come, I'd let my guard down and a nice little police car in the u-turn would catch me, and it did. The worst part was that I knew I was going too fast, and I was actually slowing down, but it was too late, I ended up with a nasty ticket that I need to mail in to some random town off the highway that I've never heard of before. I don't feel like I drive recklessly..my car actually goes faster than I mean to a lot of the time without feeling unstable, it's like made for it, haha. I just need to pay better attention to the speedometer. I sure how how to start the new year off right ;).. Other than that the trip was good. We drank and sat around a table on the porch reading passages of Ginsberg's 'Naked Lunch' out loud for awhile, we didn't stay up too late. Everyone else was tired from partying too hard the previous night for New Years. The next day we hung around for awhile and eventually went home where we relaxed a bit and packed for New York City the next morning.

Some of you might remember, but I have been to the city once before during the summer, but it was only a day trip, so it was way different to have more time to work with and have a place to stay overnight at my roommate's house. The first day we spent exploring Manhattan, starting with St. Mark's Place and making our way to Times Square and the infamous tree at Rockefeller Center. I'd never seen it in person before so that was definitely a cool experience, along with seeing all of the people iceskating down below. I'm so glad that I decided to bring my new Nikon along with me--I was hesitant at first for fear of it being stolen, getting broken, ect. I ended up buying a big purse in the Forever 21 down there which was perfect for my camera, there's a separate zipped compartment just the right size in the middle of it, plus I just loved the bag.. It worked out well ;).

I was honestly just trying to get a shot of the cool necklaces from this street vendor, and I end up with an unexpected creeper in the background ;). I'd say he makes the picture though.

Times Square, my roommate Paige and Tom are on the right.

Tom and I in front of the tree

A better shot of the tree :)

St. Mark's Place was pretty interesting--that's where I spotted this pissed off, dirty Barney. They also had a pretty good selection of hats and gloves that you could haggle the prices for. One of the vendors saw me taking a picture and yelled at me, but I got sneaky and took a couple anyways ;).

Characters hanging out by the tree--after getting the photo Spongebob then started shaking a stocking at me and asking for money in a Spanish accent. It was kind of weird and I didn't even have much cash on me to speak of at the time, so I just kind of hurried off. Paige gave a dollar to the Minnie Mouse though, so it'sall good.

Hahah, I didn't even mean to get this guy in the shot, another instance of a stranger making the picture.

The Toys R' Us in Times Square was insane. Inside was this crazy ferris wheel, and all of these awesome sections like Candyland, WonkaWorld, and there was a giant T-Rex from Jurassic Park too. There was even a life-size Barbie house, but it was filled with merchandise rather than furniture or life-sized Barbies. That's where we found the Edward Barbie..haha. I can't imagine the joy of being a kid in that place.

On our second day we visited the Museum of Nature History for most of the day. Night at the Museum anyone? So that was pretty neat, there was a lot to see and I definitely didn't see close to all of it. The blue whale was probably the coolest thing that I saw, it's unbelievable how big they are.. Then the dinosaur was awesome, I didn't end up going to the room that had more of them unfortunately, but there's always next time. I like museums though. I think I'll start going to them by myself more, that way I can just go at my own pace and feel like I'm learning more, you can learn so much in those kind of places. After the museum we took the subway to Chinatown to find some cheap, good food and to look around. The place we went to was pretty good, I bought General Tso with rice and an order of dumplings as well as a peach snapple for about $10. Not bad.

The delivery truck for McDonalds stopped in front of where we were waiting for Julie and Ben to go to the restroom on Times Square--so of course I had to take a photo.

Madiha wanted to kill me for taking this, but because of the snowstorm the garbage in the city had been behind schedule so there were a lot of trashbags and old Christmas trees lining the streets. She assured me that it's not usually like this ;P.

Both nights that we were there Paige brought us to one of the hookah lounges in Queens. None of us from upstate had ever done it before, and if you aren't familiar with it, hookah is smoking flavored tobacco in a waterpipe that has a single hose or more connected to it. Tin foil covers the bowl where hot coals are placed on top of. Each hookah was generally shared between two people, and the flavors our group got were vanilla, peach, mango, and watermelon. I don't smoke cigarettes and I have no desire to ever get into that, but the whole hookah experience was definitely interesting and I'm glad I did it. It was really chill, we would all sit at these long tables with padded seats and smoke the hookah while talking. It doesn't get you high, but it does give you a certain headbuzz. I'm taking it as a cultural experience. We don't have these places in my area, so I'm not really concerned with getting hooked on hookah, it was definitely something cool to try while I was in the city though.

That was a great trip, and I've certainly started the new year off busy..Now I finally have some time to sit down though and that feels pretty nice I have to admit. Now I can start with that whole exercising more--reading more--learning more--thing I was talking about before. I hope everything is going well for all of you :)

Olive

Happy Holidays

2010-12-26T11:20:00.000-08:00

Time management is not high on the list of things that I am exceptional at doing and often, it leaves me disappointed. When I try to prioritize, it's not even that I spread myself too thin, it's almost like I slap a slab of butter on one side of my toast and let the other half be dry and bland. This is the most fitting analogy I can come up with :P. I put so much into my social life, and my time with friends that my introspective life tends to take a backseat. I can't remember the last time I took hours out of my day to just sit and read. To sit down and write a post. To draw. I'm very lucky to have found the amazing friends that I have, but I desperately need to learn how to take a step back and be by myself from time to time. School was a big factor too, because the time that I had for myself had to be given to my education. If I was just sitting around and decided, "hm, maybe I'll write a post" or "maybe I'll start that book.." I'd remember whatever assignments are coming up, lurking over my head and I realize I just don't have the time.. It isn't quite New Years Eve but I really think that my resolution will be involving time management and taking more time for myself, to grow as a person.

I love blogging, and I love reading what each of you has to say, and I love that you take the time to read what I have to say. My lack of writing isn't due to a lack of interest in blogging, it's always been an issue with being disorganized and poor time management.. It's something that I hope I'm able to turn around for this upcoming year. I know it's been forever, but I'll attempt to give an update on my life, I'll keep it short since it's been so long.

I've got a Nikon camera, I love to take a photograph..

This was an early Christmas present to myself. After much deliberation and talking to my highschool art/photography teacher and a lady who I knew had the D3000 and raved about it, I decided it was time for me to upgrade to my own big camera. I still have a lot to learn about it but I'm really enjoying what I'm finding it can do. Thanks to Allison for suggesting the Nikon to me :).

Sirsy played another local show recently, and of course we had to go :D. If you aren't familiar with the band Melanie is the singer/drummer/flutist/whatever she needs to be, she's right next to me, and her guitarist Rich is next to her. We'll be seeing them again on New Years Eve.

IHOP feast following a concert in Albany. Chocolate chip pancakes..♥

Last week my friends and I got together for a fancy Christmas dinner. We cooked ham, potatoes, green beens, and Amanda brought a dish of macaroni and cheese. Brandy cider and white wine complimented the dinner well. We exchanged presents too. I forgot to take pictures but I fixed up these little Christmas cups with penguins on them filled with Lindt chocolates, hershey hugs, Snickers, and rock candy. Julie knitted me an AWESOME scarf, it's such a cool combination of colors, I'll try to remember to post a photo. Then Amanda gave me yankee candle chapstick and Whoopie Goldberg's new book, "Is it Me or is it Nuts Out There?" I almost died laughing! I can't wait to read it! Overall a very fun and memorable evening.

The mandatory Christmas tree pic ;). This is actually the biggest tree that we've ever had, all thanks to Tom the woodsman ha ha. I went over to his house and we walked up into the woods and he climbed right up the tree and cut the top off. Yeah, he's pretty impressive :).

I love the holiday season, and I love giving present, but I am pretty glad to have it be over now. I feel like I can finally relax and get myself back on track. I made myself step on the treadmill for the first time in months this morning. The freshman five is growing to a freshman ten and I am putting an end to it right here and now before the freshman 15 becomes a reality. I actually think it's more holiday weight than college weight really.. Well maybe it began before finals because I was pretty stressed and pretty unconcerned with health around that time, then came the holiday break.. so, you know :P. Now I'm going to get back into shape and get feeling healthy again. Plus I'm going to really work on that whole time management and improving myself thing. I'm sure the rest of my college friends on here are glad to be home for the holidays, it sure feels nice to have the first semester under my belt. I didn't do outstandingly well, I came out with a 2.8 GPA, but I passed everything, and now that I know what to expect, I think I'll do much better in the next semester.

I hope you've all had a wonderful Christmas or holiday, and I'm anxious to catch up.

With love,

Olive

In the end, only kindness matters.

2010-11-12T15:05:00.000-08:00

I think one of the greatest feelings we can encounter as humans, is the feeling when someone reaches out to you, and you're able to help them in return.

I was waiting for the bus today, by myself, and another

student comes up to me and starts talking. I forget how he initiated the conversation, but he began asking me questions like what year I was, my major, what classes I take, ect. At first it was a little off-putting, haha. I'm just waiting for the bus, I didn't sign up to play 20 questions.. But the more I spoke with him, I started to find things out, and he started to really like, open up and talk to me. I found out he was born in China, and he's been going to school here for a few years, but doesn't really know anyone too well because he lives off-campus, and he has a lot of trouble with the language. It broke my heart that he seemed to be so...alone. He was getting pretty personal, saying he was going through a tough phase and saying how he really needs to be more thankful for everything. It's really hard to advise someone when you well, don't exactly know them, at all.. but I told him that we all just need to appreciate the little things, like how it's such a beautiful day[which it was]. I can't tell for sure, but it seemed to me like that might've helped him somehow. Just having someone listen, and share their thoughts, and their stories(I told him all about my farm and my small, small school which flat out amazed him haha) can sometimes be just what a person needs.

This weekend is sort of different, I have the dorm to myself. My suitemates are still in and out of course, but my actual roommate went home for her friend's birthday. Usually when she goes home, I go home. Plus I go home pretty often in general, hahaha. But this weekend I decided that I need to actually act like I live here. It's kind of nice being able to go places by myself, don't get me wrong, I love going places with my roommate and friends, but every once in a blue moon, it's refreshing to be on your own. It's nice to be on your own schedule, spending as much time in the world as you'd like doing whatever you see fit. It felt like forever that I roamed around Macy's in a daze, admiring their kitchen-ware that I have no use for here, strolling down their "Holiday Lane", which made me long for Christmas to hurry up and get here.. I'm in like, such a holiday mood :). It's weird though, because at home we honestly don't do much for the holidays, sadly. My parents are busy people, busy farmers. They don't want to spend the time they have to finally sit down, decorating the house. My mom doesn't want to spend all morning taking care of the calves, to come inside and cook a big Thanksgiving dinner. So we don't really go all-out decorating and we usually order a dinner from Hannaford. It makes sense. Sometimes I wish I had the ambition or time to take care of that sort of stuff, maybe now that I'm an "adult" I will :P.

I'm off for round two of exploring this 'city' of mine. I hope everyone's having a great weekend!

Olive

Crossroads

2010-11-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Thinking about the future makes me panic.

I feel as if I'm approaching a crossroads. Even though I'm young, it seems like the path I choose to take now dictates a lot of things for me. The further I go into college, the more set on the track of becoming a journalist I become. Why would I spend four years working towards a degree only to push it to the side and never use it? If I'm here for this, I have to be serious about it. It costs a lot of money, money I could be saving for something else. So why am I uncertain? I don't know if media is really my thing. It interests me, but can I handle the fast pace of it, am I really passionate about it like others are? I honestly don't know. I haven't even gotten my feet wet and I'm trying to determine if I can take on the waves.

Sometimes, especially lately, I wish I could lead a double life so I could know what things would be like if I went in a different direction. What if I went to Community College like a lot of my friends to get my gen-eds and load up on credits? I would still have my job, I wouldn't feel like I'm constantly losing money without gaining a cent of it back. I would see my friends and family daily, I could play with my dog. I could experiment with cooking, I could be driving myself places.. I just don't know. I contemplate "what if's" too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went away for school and for the experiences that I've had and the people I've met. I'm just thinking about where it's going to lead and the consequences my choices have.

All I want to do is read for enjoyment, sit around a bonfire with my close friends, take pictures of beautiful things.. I want to try yoga, play the piano and I wish I had time to make maple syrup and candies this year. I want to get to know my grandparents better while there's still time left. I want to take the time to learn German and I want to travel. I feel so restricted and pressed for time, the moments I take to relax and do something for myself are overshadowed with the obligations I know I have. Perfect example, I shouldn't be writing right now, my Nutrition assignment is past due and I've barely started it.. But I can't keep doing this, I need to give myself creative freedom and a chance to breathe and express myself. There has to be a better way. Maybe I'm not cut out for this, or maybe it's just a little bump in the road. I'll just keep on trucking though, the semester is coming to an end next month, then I get to explore a new set of courses. I just need a little re-organization to set me straight, and I definitely need a weekend of relaxing at home :-), which I will be doing as soon as I get out of classes tomorrow.
It just scares me that life is always about getting to the next step it seems, it's always waiting

and working towards things getting better. You work hard through highschool so you can get accepted into college. You spend years studying and going mad at college so you can begin a career. You start at the bottom of the career and work your way to the spot you actually want to be---and if you find out that it isn't all you hoped for, well, you work until you have the means to retire or you go back to the beginning and see that you can't find a niche where you belong somewhere. THIS. TERRIFIES. ME. dsfkmsdgmgfs!!! D:

Now that my pre-mature midlife crisis is out on the table, let's see what I've been doing in my free time since I last posted :).

S I R S Y

"Little Band, Big Sound", Sirsy has been me and my best friend's favorite local band for quite some time. Basically they're a two person band, singer/drummer/flutist Melanie Krahmer and Rich Libutti who plays guitar, piano, keyboard bass and anything else they decide to throw in. The way they do it, it founds like there's 4 or 5 people up there instead of just the two. Last time I was home, I was lucky enough to be in town for a show to be pretty close by. My friends and I were in the very front of a surprisingly uncrowded venue, and we wound up talking to Krahmer for quite a length of time after the performance :), so that was pretty awesome. As you can see, I got my shirt signed. These guys are pretty well known in the area, headlining for bands of the like: Maroon 5, Collective Soul, Blues Traveler, Train, Lifehouse.. you get the drift. They're coming back to play another show in December, I can't wait.

One of my college friends, Madiha, turned 18 within the last couple of weeks, so of course we had to treat her to something nice! We went to Moe's for some mexican food, her favorite, and she surprised us by treating US to icecream afterwards. She told us it's a custom in her family to treat people on your birthday. As much as we protested, insisting it was her birthday, we should be buying for HER, she refused and we ended up accepting the icecream :P.

We spent "Halloweekend" downtown as most of the college-goers do. I don't think I need to elaborate too much haha, but we had a good time, and I think I know how to take care of myself pretty well by this point. It was especially good to have a few of my good guy friends "the ol' boys" down for one of the nights :). I felt safer, plus they're just a riot and I always have a blast when they're around. I was a viking lady, Paige a kitty cat, and Madiha a mime! On actual Halloween we decided to take it easy so Paige, Shayla, and I went to the movies to see Paranormal Activity 2...SCARED ME SO BAD. My word. I haven't been frightened like that from a movie in a long time.

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A SPOOKY/AWESOME HALLOWEEN!

I can't wait to come home to this.. our porch overrun with an army of cats(don't these two look conjoined??!) We seriously have too many cats running around. Why you ask? Because people think that if you have a farm, you must need cats, so they feel free to just drop them off and they breed. Good thing my mom has a soft spot for the fuzzballs.

Question: I've noticed a lot of people have blogs that the post area is wider, how do you get it that way? My blog is teensy tiny, I want my posts and pictures to be wider/bigger, does anyone have any advice for that? Or what do you even do for layouts, I just used one of Blogger's templates and 'customized' it. Am I missing out on any better ways to do it? I'm not the most html savvy girl around.

Also, I decided to give NaNoWriMo a go :)!! I think it's an awesome idea, I have my self doubts, but I'm really going to try it. Is anyone else? We can motivate eachother, haha.

:),

Olive

2010-10-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while since I've posted, I hit kind of a busy patch in things.

Homework, tests, traveling home, going downtown with friends--it all wears you down. I'm enjoying it though, this busy lifestyle. Atleast most days I'm not sitting around bored. I really do love the fall though. The leaves are gorgeous( the hobby of "leaf peeping" still cracks me up with its name), as I said last time it's perfect for hot chocolatee... and I don't know, it's just a good season. It's a nice transition from the heat and sun of summer to the chilly frost of winter. I'm still sad I haven't gone to the local apple orchard at home for some fresh cider apple doughnuts.. I'll go the next time I have the chance, unless the season is over and done with. Honestly I'm a little excited for winter :). Snowboarding should be amazing this year. I could do without the cold while I'm like, walking to classes or driving in the snow.. but I can't wait for boarding.

Let's see, what fun and excitement have you all been missing out on in my life...? Really it's been a lot of work. I've had several tests, two papers, regular homework.. I haven't had much time for thumb twiddling :P. Last weekend I went home to work a day at Polo and see friends of course. It was great just being able to hang out with the whole crew. College isn't so far away I'm beginning to realize. Next year it'll be nice to have my car though. I hate having to ask my mom to come pick me up, even though it's a nice chance to talk to her. I just feel bad because it's an hour away. I really need to spend more time at home, home. Like with my family. The moment I reach home I generally relax for maybe an hour, then I'm off to see my friends. I can't help it, I love them haha. It just hits me at the end of every visit that I don't see much of my family. This is partially because they're so busy.. like when I'm in the house, they're generally outide working, so it kind of feels pointless for me to be home, alone, doing nothing. I just need to find ways to spend more time with them

The weekend before last I actually attended a football game. At my highschool, we didn't have football, so this was semi-significant I guess. I went with Paige and Madiha, we didn't watch the whole thing because we had things to do, but our team, the Danes, were kicking ass and taking names while we were there haha. We checked for the final score later---48-0. Either the other team was terrible beyond comprehension, or our team is really, really good..

Pumpkin picking in the heart of Albany.. Not really something I would expect. Paige, Madiha and I took a little "adventure" trying to find the place where Madiha needed to get her laptop fixed. It was a lot of unnecessary walking it turns out, but we had a good time anyways :). I took that litle baby back to the dorm, festive right?

In the spirit of fall and Halloween, Amanda and I took the liberty of trying on the sweetest costumes Target had to offer :-). I think Amanda makes a dashing penguin personally. I really do need to come up with and or purchase a costume, ASAP. I'm still debating... Hermoine, Olive Oyl, scarecrow, or something else entirely. Any one with feedback---chime in and help me decide!

Saw this. If I had a kid, he would be wearing this. Best thing I have seen in awhile!

After the fun and excitement of those adventures, then spending all day working Saturday, and the night spent kicking back with friends--- I got up Sunday morning and drove Julie, Ben, and Amanda to Massachusettes for Six Flags New England! It didn't wind up being as far of a drive as I had expected, it was actually pretty easy. Definitely worth it too :). We spent all day going on the craziest, most nauseating roller coasters and rides they had to offer. Even the "babyish" ride we went on, the teacups, was extremely dizzying. I love rides though, and it was definitely a blast.

Just one of the handful of rides we survived.

Now I'm back at "home", college. I'm trying to get back into the routine of things, and actually to be more efficient in my routines. I have a meeting to schedule with my advisor to choose my next classes..I have homework due tomorrow evening, I have news to catch up with, and my dorm is a mess. However, I have class in the morning so all of this will have to wait until some point tomorrow because I decided that I couldn't wait any longer to get this updated :). I feel like it was a wise choice.

One thing has me heated though. In my journalism class today, my professor announced that the school is proposing to cut down the program, making the classes larger and much more difficult to get into. SERIOUSLY? Ever since the major came to the school it's been widely popular, so why get rid of it? I'm baffled. If I can't get the classes I need, I'm out.. Goodbye UAlbs..sorry but I refuse to graduate a year or two behind because I'm waiting to get into the classes essential for my degree. Six years for a Bachelor's was never a part of my plan. Once I do more research on this whole issue, you can bet I'm going to complain my head off.

Hope everything's good with everyone :D

Half full

2010-10-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.freehugscampaign.org/
One morning last week, I can't for the life of me remember if it was a Monday/Wednesday/or a Friday, but it was one of the days I had my philosophy class, and gotten our tests back. I studied forever for that exam and was pretty confident I knew what was up with the Ontological Argument, a priori and a posteriori truths, and of course the conflict of David Humes through Cleanthes, Demea, and Philo :P. Then we actually get our tests back and I failed the utter shit out it. It was just one exam, but I felt like it was foreshadowing to the rest of my college career. So I'm walking out of the building, all sorts of frustrated, and suddenly I run into a guy and a girl with Free Hug tshirts on. I made eye contact with the guy, and he said "Kinda looks like you could use a hug", or someting along those lines, and in spite of my frustrated, bitchy mood, I took it. And actually, it made me feel better. I think it's a great movement. Everyone has bad days and little things can kill your mood, but it's nice to know that there are people out there who reach out and try to brighten some days.

I would write more but honestly it's two o' clock in the morning and I still have loads of work to finish by tomorrow---so I'll have to keep this short. I just thought I would share this little moment with you all, and also prove that I'm still alive, still writing.

Also, you know what feels amazing? Sitting in bed while drinking hot chocolate. I would definitely say that the mug is half full. :)

Wake me up, when September ends (which would be tomorrow)

2010-09-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

It's funny, the little things we take forgranted. What is very obviously a stump here was once the biggest tree in my yard at home, right in front of our house. I went home last weekend and its absence definitely wasn't something I overlooked, or even could overlook. It was a staple to our property, my yard looks funny without it. It was the tree I grew up with, the one my dad tied a tireswing to, which I'm not ashamed to admit having used within the last year :). I guess I'm going a little Fern Gully/Avatar here, but I miss that tree. The reason the county took it down was because there was a danger of it falling down and crushing our house, since the inside it becoming hollow. I guess that's a good excuse, but it's just unfortunate that such a pretty, old tree had to go. Ah well, things change.
Speaking of nature, it sounds like a natural disaster movie outside my window at my dorm. It has been a torrential downpour all day long, and now the winds are picking up badly too. And to think I had been waiting all week to go out tonight, ha ha. Nope, this girl is staying right in her dorm room and blogging, then watching Weeds :). Maybe I'll break out the hot cocoa finally. All of my first tests for my classes are out of the way. I think I failed my Nutrition one, atleast I feel like I did. Then Philosophy and Sociology were both good I think, I have those classes down pretty well. Journalism, I'm doing awful in journalism! This is the point where I have to pull myself together and get serious. I can't keep going to a journalism class without knowing what's going on in the world. Now I make sure to pick up a copy of both the New York Times and USA Today in the campus center every morning, and I make a habit to check the online news. Little by little I'm getting there. The more I do, the more interested I become in it all. I want to be one of those people who actually knows what is going on around them.

You know it has been a rough week when the lady making your parfait asks you what kind of granola you'd like and you reply "magic", when you meant to say maple.

Welcome to my life. :)

Currently reading and laughing with.
$4.99 at Borders, how can you go wrong? I have a friend who is attending the "Rally to Restore Sanity" at the end of October, I cannot wait to hear all about that :).

So I was in really high hopes last weekend to have a bunch of pictures from the annual Balloon Festival to share with you guys.. But the morning I forced myself to wake up and go, I got there too late with the traffic, and the balloons didn't actually take off anyways. Wind sucks.
Then that night I stayed out with friends way too late, so I didn't wake up in time to go the day the festival was actually good. I'm disappointed.
I'll get over it. In the future though, I'd really like to ride in a hot air balloon. I just think it has to be a totally weird feeling. It kind of scares me, but I think it would be awesome and undoubtedly worth it. I have to go home again this weekend. I really wish I had known that last weekend when I was making the decision of whether or not to go home, because if I had realized the next weekend would be my Grandpa's birthday, I would've waited, rather than making two trips like this. Coming home so often makes me feel like I look needy and homesick. I'm not.
I'm not really complaining though, I had a good time last weekend. Plus it's really awesome that Chris keeps driving down here for me, giving me rides. I'll remember all of his trips when I'm buying Christmas presents this year, haha :). I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday and this week is coming to an end. Goodbye September, you useless month. I'm ready for October and Halloween.
Anyone give their costume ideas any thought yet?? Right now I'm kind of down to Hermoine Granger, Olive Oyl, a scarecrow, or an old lady.

Greetings from College

2010-09-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's a new chapter, the next phase in this crazy thing called life.

You will be surprised by how much change a person can filter if they only allow the winds of change to blow freely and stir everything up.

-Little something I came up with.

College.

Yes, I live up in that gigantic building haha, but only on the fourth floor. And that is basically what my side of the room looks like, except you can't see the closet/dresser area and we also have a common room and a bathroom, neither of which really were "photo worthy" in my opinion :P. Our common room is basically a narrow rectangle with six desks. I wish there was room for like a futon or something, but oh well. It's so strange how used to this all I am. Coming from the country, having my own room, no brothers or sisters. Now I'm in the middle of a city setting, sharing space with five other girls, one of them being my roommate. It's proving to be a good experience for me though, I love the independence. I love talking to new people and getting a feel for so many different ways people see the world.

Sometimes I think about how interesting it would be to just throw myself into new situations, just to see what it's like. Imagine going through prison for a week or so, I don't know, that example is a little extreme, but there are a lot of shoes out there and I think it's a good thing if we try on several pairs throughout our lifetime. If we continue to wear the same ones every day, they're bound to wear out fast. I guess all I'm trying to say is that I think it's a good idea to see as much as you can in this life, and from as many angles humanly possible.

As much as I love college it has its drawbacks-- my friends and family from home aren't here. I think we're all doing a pretty decent job of keeping the friendships alive though :). I've had quite a few visits since I've moved in down here and it really makes my day that my friends care enough to come see me, and even bring me back home in a couple of cases. I've got some great people in my corner :) ♥. Just this past weekend I had friends come down to see me.

It makes me really happy to see that this new situation and the distance doesn't make much difference. Sure I'm missing out on things back home, life goes on with or without me. But I am also making my own experiences and carving out a new part of my life down here at college. It's not that it's a whole new story down here, it's only a chapter, and the characters from before haven't vanished, the setting is the only thing that has changed, and of course the addition of new characters.

I also feel like I'm learning a lot, which is probably good since that is in fact what I'm paying to come here and do.. :P. Philosophy and Sociology are both really interesting to me, I actually like the content I'm learning.. Nutrition is okay, it's a little annoying with such a large class(500 students in a lecture hall..) Math is terrible, but I need to get it over and done with, it's the last math class I'll ever need ;). Journalism is a bitch, but it's something I want to master. I'm so bad at keeping up with current events, I've failed every quiz thus far. I hope I read this again some day and laugh at myself. I hope that someday I'm on top of my journalism game. But for now, I am pitiful and inexperienced. I have a lot of room for improvement. I love the class in general though, it's the most intriguing to me. I just need to work on my research habits.

I think I've mentioned this place before, but Bettie's Cakes--- absolutely amazing! There's a local cupcakery a ways from my house, but I actually found their double decker bus, their bakery on wheels, near my college!! It was amazing :). Shayla and I found it and got cotton candy cupcakes, delish.

When there is cupcakes, life is good. Hah, but really life has been good. It has been moving rather quickly though, I can't believe it's really been a month since I've blogged, AGAIN. It makes me want to kick myself in the teeth. I honestly have four drafts just chillen' in my posts.. four attempts at blogging, but I just didn't like them, or didn't finish them. Something lame or pathetic. But now I'm here again, trying this once more. Wish me luck.

I'll be attempting to catch up with everyone within the next couple of days, expect some comments from this stranger :). Miss you all, bunches.

♥ Olive

Still here :)

2010-08-04T18:39:00.001-07:00

It's been a week, which is longer than I was hoping to go without posting. But alas, I'm still here. Three out of the 7 days that I have been missing in action, I spent with family of friends, who are technically my friends too, and who feel like family as well. I really love their place on the lake, it's so gorgeous, and peaceful. And they have hammocks [ ^^ :) ]. There's just something great about laying in a hammock. I went out to read in one of their hammock chairs at one point, and wound up having a conversation with the cutest little asian girl in the hammock chair next to me. Nice kids like that, they make me question why I'm so adverse to having children of my own. I just see all of these tyrants running around school, one little kid told my friend Derek that he was ugly, hahaha. Kids can be so mean. Plus our business teacher drills how expensive they are into our brains.. But I guess my major reason for leaving kids out of the picture is that I'd never have a child if I wasn't with someone I loved, and if I wasn't secure. And right now, neither of those are panning out, so kids are out of sight, out of mind. But sometimes, sometimes I think it wouldn't be such a bad thing.. If everything went right, when I'm older.. but I don't know. I'll cross that road when it's time. Or maybe children are just terrible and I'll never want to have them. Who knows. For now it isn't even logical to think about them.

But anyways, my time at their place was fun :). Swimming, jet skiing, fires on the beach, talking. I love how simple things can be.. We played games like Bachee Ball, Settlers of Catan(the actual BOARD game :D), rode around in a jeep. I always feel like I walk away from there, or any trip with the right people, with something new. A new insight, a new idea.. that's what I love about getting away and changing my scenery. This time I walked away with drawing a connection to something that never really clicked with me before, and because of it, I can see things a little differently. It makes me sad, but it shows me what could happen if I don't watch myself. If I don't face the facts, if I don't keep prodding myself along. This makes no sense to any of you I'm sure, but I just had some light shed onto my situation, and it's something I needed to realize.

This post isn't anything stellar, just a little update to show that I'm still kicking and breathing.. But coming soon will be a better post because in roughly five hours I'll be making my way to New York City!! :). Man, I'm going to be tired.

♥ Olive

Revitalized

2010-07-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

Life inside the olive jar has been revived.. :)
It has been awhile since I last left off with you all.. A few pages have turned, a new chapter has begun. I just want you all to know how sorry I feel for neglecting this for so long, it was never bcause I wanted to.. I have had the worst time management ever since senioritis kicked in during highschool.. :P. I just get too caught up in living in the moment to take a step back and reflect. For awhile that's a good way to live, but to me, self reflection is very important, and when you don't allow yourself the time to do that, you don't really learn or grow. At least not as much as you could. Life has just been moving so fast. It's insane, it really is. Just one month remains until I leave for college.. Where did the time go? I'm realizing that I haven't been taking much time for myself lately.. I just run from one fun thing to another, down for anything ;). It's a fun way to live, but again, I'm the kind of person who likes to live a life with balance.. When your friends are your life, and socializing is your fuel, you know something is off-kilter in your balance. I love being around people, it's just the way I am, I'm not about to try to change that. But I do need to take the time to relax and take care of myself, and most of all, think and reflect.

I can't believe I graduated. I GRADUATED guys, I'll never take a class in highschool again. I think that's an enormous part of why I've been so social lately.. I'm afraid of what the next year to come will bring. Many of the people I'm close with are staying back at the community college for a year or two. On the other hand, I'm going away. Distance is inevitibly going to grow between some of us.. Ever since I realized that, I've been trying to soak it all up while I still can, make those bonds, have those memories to look back on. I want people to really get to know me before I leave.
What I really want to do is to get to know myself on a deeper level than I already do. Up until recently I haven't even been writing for myself.. I used to keep up with a journal, I used to blog regularly, but then it all slipped from me. I'm supposedly a writer, how does a "writer" quit writing? An unexpected someone inspired me to get back into writing in a notebook, I'm really thankful for that.. Another reason I feel like I've taken so long is the pile-up of events.. I'm the kind of person who likes to get most every detail, and after all of the writing opportunities I've missed, I know I'll have to skimp on detail, which it very hard for me. I'm pissed at myself for neglecting to write so much, and I'm doubly pissed at all of the posts I have missed from you guys.. That's what really gets me, I find it difficult to just read the latest post without going through and reading what I missed up until then.. but at this point, reading and commenting on everyone's life
moments that I have missed out on would be a little insane. So I suppose I'm going to start from scratch, sort of. I definitely understand if I have lost some readers, if not all of you :P.. But I really appreciate everyone who reads this or has read my ramblings in the past, I love getting your feedback and support.. And I miss you all, I really do.
A very much condensed re-cap.

I turned eighteen. I have legally crossed into the "adult world". I have yet to really use my new age for anything cool.. But point is that I am ;D. My wonderful friends yet again made sure I had an amazing, memorable birthday..:) I love them all so much. They gave me a picnic with PANERAS(and chocolate covered strawberries) in the park, we walked around this artsy festival, followed by a delicious dinner back at Tom and Julie's. Above are two of the greatest presents I've ever received :). Shayla ordered me my own personal JONES SODA, of my favorite flavor, green apple :D. It was such a thoughtful, cool idea. I think I'll keep the bottles forever. Then over on the right is a really awesome painting Amanda did of me in Disney :)!! She's such an amazing artist.. I can't wait to hang it up in my dorm :D. Seeing it makes me really wish we were all back in Disneyworld.

Das German ;)
This summer has been slightly different, a new member was added to our group :). Amanda's cousin Helene came over from Germany for 3 months. It has definitely had an effect on our summer, in a good way. We all want to show her a good time, so there's rarely a night where we sit around and do nothing. We try to find something, at least, to do every day. Of course we knew how to have fun before Helene came, but I feel like now we have more fun, more often, and I will really miss her when she departs back for Germany in two weeks.. :'(. She's become a really good friend to me, and I hope we all can go to Berlin to get a taste of Germany with her next summer.

I feel like I've kind of been forced to grow up lately. Not only with age or graduating, but I've gone through some shit that I won't go into detail with on here.. But I'll just say it wasn't anything I was wanting or expecting to happen. When you don't keep watch of the fire, sometimes you get burned.. And it doesn't always happen the way you expect. People are human. Humans make mistakes. I don't know, it all really hurt me, but I made myself take a step back and think about how I wanted to react before I did.. thought about the value of the relationships before I severed them by overreacting, or saying things I might regret later, doing things I might regret later. It's all been hard, but I think I handled it well.. and hopefully it will make me a stronger, less naive person in the future.

As I said before, I've been pretty focused on having fun this summer. Pool parties, boat rides, drive ins, a roller derby, and trips to the cupcakery cafe are only a few of our memories.. :)

Sometimes you have to just let go.

Of all inhibitions. All uncertainty and fear.
Sometimes you have to say that thought lingering in the back of your mind. Sometimes you have to listen to that impulse. Sometimes you have to reach your hand out a little further, and sometimes, you have to pull it away when you realize it's not wanted. Sometimes you have to let your mind go blank so you can jump off of a 30ft high cliff without a second, or fourth thought. Sometimes you have to take off without asking when you want to see the ocean. Sometimes you have to just live.

I don't belong here, I've got to move on here, escape from this afterlife
Cause this time I'm right to move on and on, far away from here
Got nothing against you, and surely I'll miss you..
This place full of peace and light, and I'd hope you might
Take me back inside, when the time is right.
[Avenged Sevenfold - Afterlife]

A couple of weeks ago I got to go to my college for Orientation :). That was pretty interesting.. I met some nice people, so I'll know some faces around campus, although there will be many of them.. It's so weird to think I'll be going to such a huge school. Everyone I talked to found it so hard to believe that I graduated with a class of 35. It'll be a change.. I'm ready for it though. I need it. The lectures got boring pretty fast, meeting people was fun, the games were okay. The food sucked one day but was good the next? Dorm rooms are shitty, but that's to be expected. I'll like it better with my stuff in it :). I hate the idea of sharing a bathroom with a hall of other girls. I really liked the fountain, and how you can play in it. I'm excited to be on my own. I'm sad about leaving my friends. I'm nervous about my future. Oh man, this is growing up.

Thanks again for keeping up with me, I appreciate it so much.. I hope you're all doing well. If there's anything I missed that you want to catch me up with, feel free to tell me! I'd love to hear from you all :).
Yours truly, ♥
Olive

The Unimaginable.

2010-05-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

You never consider the thought, it just seems so alien. You don't picture something like this happening here, to the people you know =/.

Monday morning tradgedy struck in my hometown. It was a weird morning from the start, I was running late(as usual), making the mad dash from the parking lot to the school, trying to get to homeroom in time to make it on our field trip. Since Amanda and I always sit together on the bus, talking amongst ourselves, we kind of missed out on the surrounding conversations, especially since we sat in the very front. Once we reached the college we were doing our business day at, we caught up with another classmate telling us how she "couldn't believe what happened", and of course we were clueless.. "You didn't know, Ben was found dead this morning.., he killed himself.." It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Always a grade below me, I never had much interaction with him, but we knew eachother, and I have a few fond memories of him that I'll always hold close. He was a polite, respectable boy, who always seemed to be smiling. I would have never expected this to happen to him. He must have held a lot inside :/. He gave so much to the community, more than I ever knew of after hearing the memorial service this evening, that really opened my eyes to who he was. He was a funny kid, anyone who talked to him could vouch for that. Big plans too.. he was determined to go into the army, a very patriotic boy.. Recently he was even accepted into a highly selective citizenship program. The more I think of him, the more I wish I had gotten the time, the chance to talk with him more. Our paths just did not cross at the right moments.
This has had such an impact on us, our school. Everyone is upset even if we're all showing it in different ways. Mostly everyone went down to the conference room at some point to sign the cards, sit with other students to talk, to cry, to find comfort. Many of us wrote letters to him. We all wonder the same question.. why?, but we'll never get an answer. I think there is a lot to his story that we don't know, and never will.
I think it's causing us to reflect, to realize that we're fragile and we cannot take anything forgranted. People are telling eachother that they love them, people are putting themselves out there. We know now that we aren't invincible and neither are the ones we care about. It's just so unbelievable.. we'll never see him in the hallways again, he'll never tell another joke, he'll never reach his dream of being in the army. And it's the saddest thing I've known in a long time.
You'll be in our hearts and minds forever. You will be greatly missed.. :(

Rest In Peace Benjamin ♥

I'm back :)

2010-05-08T09:18:00.000-07:00

A lazy day was just what I needed :).

I honestly can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged :(, it's so sad. A note for anyone younger than me; Senior Year FLIES like you would not believe.. I graduate in a little over a month. Where did the time go?! School has been a major comsumer of my time and energy, but then what time I do have for myself, I use it to go, go, go, trying to squeeze in all of the moments I can with the people here, who I'm going to be missing next year. That added with the fact that I have poor time management skills = terrible blogging :/. But I am trying to make a turn around, so let's see where that takes us. Thank you to everyone who reads this, I reallyreally appreciate it, and I'm sorry it's been so inconsistent.

My Life in a Nutshell;

1. Senior Trip to Disney

2. Final Decision on College

3. Working/School

4. Quality Time with Friends :)

Ahh, the senior trip.. I miss Florida so much. It was absolutely gorgeous while we were down there. Warm, but not scorching. I believe it only rained once, and it was brief. I really like the whole airport/airplane scene. I bet I could be a decent flight attendent ;), maaybe. It probably wouldn't be as great as I'm imagining, but it's something I'd consider giving a try, just to do it. Once we arrived in Orlando all of the girls went into the restroom and switched into their shorts--- it was so WARM, a huge temperature difference from upstate NY. Our hotel was one of those 'All Star Resorts", with our theme being music. Our hotels were like, jukebox themed and the pool was shaped like a guitar. Our artroom group, which I'm sure I've mentioned before(Amanda; pictured above with me, Derek, Zack, and myself), stayed together for the majority of the trip. We were probably the most productive group I'd have to say.. While everyone else laid out by the pool we put all of our stuff away and headed out for our first park, Animal Kingdom. It was really cool there, I liked the jungle atmosphere and the animals seemed to be taken good care of. The Yeti was friggen awesome too :)! Fun ride to keep in mind for those of you who haven't been and are planning to one day. I won't go though a daily play-by-play, but we did hit up every park while we were there, and although you can't see everything Disney has to offer within less than like---two weeks probably :P, I still felt as if we saw alot, and not much of our time was wasted. I loved Epcot with all of their countries and futuristic feel. MGM was pretty awesome, we saw quite a few shows there and went on interesting rides. The Fantasmic show and dinner was spectacular. Oh, funny thing happened there-- this little boy got sick in the middle of the 'road', we were on a platform above, and we watched people continuously walking RIGHT through it, then watched their disgusted reaction a few feet later when they realized what just happened! Oh my god, it was gross but I couldn't help but laugh at the poor souls :P. It really brought our class together too, we'd watch someone approach it "Oh,oh,oh,OOHHHHHH" ;P. We were too far to really warn anyone, so we just took the opportunity to find some cheap, uncivil humor hahah. The trip was definitely a success. No real drama, atleast none that I knew much about. I did get to spend time with mostly everyone that went, but I remained with our little quadrant for most of the time ;). There's much more to it than I'm going to ramble about, but it was a great time, and I'd love to go back. I highly reccomend going on your senior trip if you're able to/don't have alternative plans that are really worth it.

UAlbany, it is :).

I finally received my acceptance letters, although Purchase sent theirs only a few days prior to the deposit deadline.. and I decided on going to Albany. It's closer to home, I know a couple of students that go there, it's a little bit cheaper. I think it will be a nice place for me to start off and get used to the college experience. It's HUGE too.. I'm used to a school with 600 kids, kindergarten-12th grade.. It's going to be a drastic change, also being in a "city" setting. I'm excited to embrace the change though :). I'm hoping to be blogging all about the college life next year ;D. It's really happening--I've applied for my housing, got my financial aid information back(although I'm going to try to cut it down a bit more..) and I am ready to go.

Work and school, there's probably no need for me to elaborate much on those. I'm realizing that I've come quite a ways from when I first started working at Polo. I kind of noticed this as I was helping a few of the newbies ;P. I still wouldn't say I'm a retail expert by any means, but it's kind of neat to think that I've learned so much. It has transformed my style a bit too, I can't lie. One of the reasons I wanted to work at Polo was because I never shopped there, hahaha. I didn't want to go spending my paycheck right back into my company. I still don't buy from there alot, but I think it's made me take into consideration what I want to be wearing like, in my twenties. The oxfords I've gotten from Ralph Lauren--I'm sure I'll be wearing them in adulthood. They have the quality to hold up over time as well as being classics. Don't get me wrong, I still like dressing a little crazy:), but it's nice to know I have some pieces that'll last me.

Then there's quality time with friends :).

This would probably be my favorite.

We have been keeping ourselves pretty busy what with birthday celebrations, icecream trips, beginning a new movie, going to the drive ins, ectect.

Also, today was Mother's Day. Well I actually began this blog entry yesterday, so it might show up as yesterday's date-- but nevertheness. I waited for my mom to finally go to bed, which was midnight, hahaha, and I then started to clean the house. It was quite a daunting task. I also bought a few things for the kitchen/bathroom and set those up for her to find in the morning. This all kept me up past 4am, but I feel it was worth it :), she was happily surprised.

It's getting late now, it's approaching midnight and I should probably allow myself some sleep. I spent most of tonight doing some online shopping-- Zumiez is having a sale on their boards, and I kind of want to jump on that before I miss the boat and have to spend a fortune come winter. I think I'll get some advice from Tom before I buy though-- snow stuff is a big investment. Also... thinking towards graduation gifts, what have you guys heard about the Kindle or the Nook? Any thoughts on those? I was thinking an e-reader would be nice in college, especially having my textbooks on there. I love physically owning books, I wouldn't quit buying the real deal-- but having one of these could be useful.

Again, I've missed you all so much! Please tell me how youall have been :).Sorry if this isn't a great post, I'm a little rusty ;P.

PS. My best friend Shayla blogs :D, I highly reccomend you check her outtt.

I'll be catching myself up on everyone's blogs this week, so expect some comments ;D!

♥ Olive

And we'll all float on anyway,

2010-03-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

Hellooo,
So it's officially spring guys, how exciting is that?! You know what that means--- summer will be here in no time :). Only three months until I graduate and move on from this place to wherever the road ahead leads me. I have been accepted to University at Albany, still waiting on Purchase. It's less than two weeks now until my trip to Disney, I'm pretty excited. I like it when days just sneak up on you, atleast when you have something you're impatiently waiting for.

This nice weather has lured me outside lately, taking walks with Candy and wandering around in the woods. I have decided that I'm going to spend alot of time outside this summer. I envision many days out on the lake and nights around the bonfire. As the days dwindle down though, I can't help but question if I'm making the right choices. The cashier at Hannaford last night was talking to my mom, and my mom of course got on the topic of college hahah. That's what every parent of a senior in highschool has on their mind. Anyways, the lady asked me where I was going and what I was majoring in. I told her journalism, and her response kind of surprised me. "Oh, really? You're into that stuff?" It didn't offend me or anything, but it kind of flipped a switch in me. Am I really into that "stuff"? How do I know this is my niche? Sure, I enjoy writing. I'm that asshole in english that always gets her papers back with a 100 circled at the top. Sure, I love expressing myself through words on Blogger. What I'm questioning though, is if this is enough to mean that I could be a journalist. Our school doesn't offer classes in it, we barely do journal writing
related assignments. How am I supposed to know without the exposure? I guess that's the problem-- you don't. It's all a matter of taking the plunge and ignoring the risks. I guess the biggest issue with me now is I'm discovering new interests. I have actually thought of owning my own small business lately, what with the maple candy success and all. Doing something like that seems rewarding. Being responsible for the success of whatever you're making, putting hard work into it, and personally receiving the benefits. I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of a bookstore, a maple sugarhouse, a little cafe, or some crazy combination of the bunch. It'd be pretty cool to sell natural foods and products too. Who knows, these are just ideas that have been brewing in this little head of mine. I guess I'm getting a little nervous that I'm going to head off to college with this big idea that journalism is my "thing", when I really don't know nearly enough about it. Maybe my passion for writing and sharing my opinion with the world will be enough, hahah :). I don't know. Whatever I do though, I don't want to be permanently trapped in an office.. I could see myself working for a magazine like National Geographic and actually going out and experiencing new things, writing about them. I just know I need my space, my fresh air.

Walking around, exploring in the woods is my cup of tea (:

My boys-- Eeyore(right) and Vinnie(left).

Let's see, what have I even been up to lately..
Hmm.. last Friday was a half day, after my eye doctor's appointment I met up with three of my best guy friends to eat lunch at Panera's :). It was a nice, sunny day too, so we all sat outside to eat. I could really go for one of their strawberry smoothies right now.. like really, haha. I spent the rest of that day taking pictures such as the ones posted above, wandering around in my woods. I love having so much land here. I worked all day Saturday until five, then went over to Derek's house to hang out with the guys. Fire outside, jamming inside, good times with good friends. That pretty much sums it up. Sunday and Monday were both boring, I won't even discuss them. Tuesday I took the day off from school :P. Well, until 10th period. I had about six physics lab reports due by the end of the day and I needed the extra time to work on them, so that was my purpose in staying home. It worked out pretty well. I came back in time for photography and study hall, hahaha. After school I drove a few friends out to Ben & Jerry's to take advantage of Free Cone Day :).
Mmmm... cake batter.
After we got our free icecream we decided to walk around the town, checking things out. We found some cool little places; my favorite being Bettie's Cakes :). We stumbled onto this hidden treasure by complete accident. We were in this little mall of shops, looking at the Egyptian and Peruvian stores, and as we wandered further I saw a sign for a cupcakery cafe and simply couldn't resist. It was such a cute place, completely 50's themed. Bettie's Cakes.

That's my cookie dough cupcake, and Tom's pesky little fingers trying to get a piece :P. It was delicious, and very filling. I'm glad we found that place, it's a great little business. I wish there were more places like that around. Apparently they also have a double decker cupcake bus :), how cool is that?! The bottom of it is used to make the cupcakes and take the orders while the top part is an actual cafe. Things like this make me consider having my own business even more so.

I hope everyone is doing well, catch me up to speed :)!

♥ Olive

2010-03-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day :]
I would have to admit that my favorite part about this holiday is going to Stewarts with my green tshirt and getting icecream :). It used to be FREE icecream with the green clothing, but now it's $.50. Ehh, still not bad, it was worth the five minute drive for some birthday cake deliciousness. I miss those elementary days of leprachaun hunting and rainbow chasing. We had this teacher, who happened to be red-headed and a little out there, who would dress as a leprachaun every year, and we would set these "traps" the day before to try to catch him. It was a pretty big deal haha, looking for him all day, disappointed when we saw our traps disassembled and empty :P. Then there was good old rainbow chasing with my grandma, searching for that pot of gold. She obviously knew we wouldn't find anything, but I think she just drove me around so we could spend the time together, and before long I would get wrapped up in talking with her and forget we were looking for anything in the first place. Oh, and whatever happened to the search for the four leaf clover? I miss childhood.

So my maple business has been a success lately :). The candies have been selling well, a lot more people are into maple than I realized, which is cool. The weather has been awful for sugaring though, we need the cold to make the sap run. I however, enjoy this surprisingly warm weather. I just wish it didn't affect our syrup. Spring break is just around the corner, 21 days! Did I tell you guys what I'm doing for it? Well, if I didn't, our class is going to DisneyWorld for our senior trip. I'm so ready for the warmth and the fun.

Hope everyone is doing well,
♥ Olive

Hmmm,

2010-03-11T18:57:00.000-08:00

So this is me, writing with nothing head spinningly interesting to convey. But the days are slipping by and the last thing I want is for another month to pass without me catching up with you all, so here it goes.. please don't expect anything life altering or well written haha :).
These days my backwoods, rural roots are starting to pull me in. Growing up I have sort of opposed them, as most difficult little children do, always wanting to repel from what they've been taught. Now it's all beginning to draw me in. I guess what I'm really into is a simple life, you know? Doing something you love and allowing it to bring you its own rewards. I'm really beginning to value hard work. I cannot really picture myself as a farmer such as my dad, but I could see myself operating something like a nice little maple business, or a small bookstore/cafe combo. The more I question it, the more certain I am that I will end up in the country. I may spend a portion of my early 20's living the city life, going out on the town :), but I think I need to settle where it's a little calmer. I want my space, my open skies. I want to take a walk in the woods and not come out on a highway. I wouldn't mind living near a lake either, but not a major tourist destination. Just a beautiful place I can spend the day exploring around with my dogs and watching people jump. I could picture myself having a beautiful horse too. I plan on having a lot of land :). What I cannot imagine is spending my life in an office all day every day. I could swing it while I'm young, I would gladly work for a magazine. I would just rather have a job in it that allowed me to travel and see what I have been asked to write about as well. That is the kind of journalism I'm drawn to. Something I can experience first hand and get the raw details on. I guess at this point I'm just speculating on what I want from my future.

And how are you? :)

'Cause the candy man can :).

2010-03-01T20:58:00.000-08:00

Makes the world taste good.

Sunday was a productive maple day for me :). One of my teachers along with her friend and her mom came over to make maple candies for a special occasion. How it works, basically, is you cook a gallon of pure maple syrup(in case you aren't aware we make/sell our own, which is why this is taking place at my grandmother's house) until it reaches the appropriate degree for candy making. My grandma has a nifty temperature that has a scale for what range goes with different consistencies of syrup, such as cream, hard candy, ect.

This is "the pig", named for it's striking resemblence, haha. It's the container the syrup cooks in. Once it's reached the point, we transfer "the pig" over to the table and secure it to the candy machine. Once it has cooled to the appropriate temperature we turn on the machine and open the little pig snout to allow syrup to drizzle into the tray below.

As you can probably guess it is stirred by the coil, and a valve on the end can be opened and closed to let the candy flow into the molds below. Precision is key; this step can get real messy, real fast.

.......And GRANDMA!! Hahah ;D!!

Once you have run out of syrup, this is your end result :).

There will actually be ALOT more than this, trays and trays full. This is what they look like though. The portrait molds belong to my teacher. We generally just make the traditional maple leaf candies although I've considered investing in some new supplies when I take it over this year :). I find the whole process to be pretty enjoyable.

So tell me, how are you guys?

The consonants and vowels, the consequence of sounds.

2010-02-28T18:57:00.000-08:00

"The world's got a nosebleed" it said,
"And we're flooding, but we keep on cutting the trees and the forests!"
And we keep on paying those freaks on TV, who claim they can save us
but want to enslave us. And sweating like demons they scream through
out speakers, but we leave the sound on 'cause silence is harder.
And no one's the killer and no one's the martyr.
The world that has made us can no longer contain us.
- Consequence of Sounds, Regina Spektor

I enjoy her style. She's not afraid to experiment in her songs which is why I find them so interesting. I'm agnostic, so when an artist makes a christian song that I can't help but sing along to, there must be some talent somewhere. I like that she writes her songs too, especially when they bring up important issues. Or if they're just cute. Doesn't Hannah kind of resemble her? Tell me if I'm crazy, haha.

This weekend has been busy, of course. Julie and I organized a play-date with our dogs Saturday. Both of them are adults, but neither of us have another dog in the household so we figured it might be nice for them to get together and see if they get along. For the most part they did. I brought Candy over there, she was a bit shy though.. They were both a little sketchy, sniffing eachother out and then backing away, easing closer, sniffing again. It was a process. I think they liked eachother by the end of it, we're going to get them together again :).

Candy, left. Shadow, right.
Then Saturday night a bunch of us met at a friends house to get chinese food and hang out. There was like.. nine of us, haha. It was a good time. We played with nerf guns downstairs, the guys jammed, we sat around talking; it was nice. I know I'll keep in touch with atleast half of them after highschool.

goodbye february.

Thoughts for March: more, more more!
- More posting. I think my issue is that I put off posting if I don't have alot to talk about. I'm afraid of boring people. However, that only leads to me never posting, and I hate it. I guess I'd rather write frequent posts varying in quality than always long, jam-packed ones a couple of times a month; that's lame. So here's to more posting!
- More SLEEP. All last week I was hitting the pillow around 1:00. Stupid. It's 11:00 already, but I'm making myself turn the lights out at 11:30. If I don't finish my math homework---who cares.
- More MAPLE! I'm totally taking it over this year, starting with scrubbing the sap buckets.
- Obtain a passport :).. I want to do some traveling this summer/the years to come. This summer would probably only be Canada or Mexico, but still.
Also, I need to finish financial aid junk this month. FAFSA, scholarships, everything.

All I need to do is get through March, then Spring Break is right around the corner :).
I hope everyone is doing well!

Oversized flannel and the smell of ocean water.

2010-02-26T22:36:00.000-08:00

I impatiently await the springtime. Cold, windy weather is bothersome. I want a soft breeze and to leave my house without a jacket. I'm sick of brown, ugly grass.

SPRING BREAK CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH.

I kind of want this bathing suit from dEliA's. I need to go and actually try it on, but it looks like my style. In case I haven't informed you all already, our class is going to Disneyworld for our senior trip, so swim attire is a must.

Let's see, school has been relatively uneventful--- surprise, surprise :P.
The most intersting thing to me lately, is what we talk about in Government. This is because a lot of the things that we debate and discuss are questions that I mull over in my own head. Such as, "Do you think our country is more free today, or was it more free back in the late 1700's after our Founding Father's set the stage?" What do you think?

Snowboarding Tuesday was nice. It was my third time boarding, and my first time while it was actually snowing. It was cool, eerily beautiful riding the chairlift throw the snow, hearing nothing but the squeak of each empty chair going past, rocking with the wind on the other side. And of course the occasional conversation with Tom. I'm surprised he wanted to go with me, I figured I would "slow him down", since it's my first year and all. I did accomplish that, hahah, but not as badly as I was imagining. I'm definitely improving.. I have decided it's something I want to stay with, and invest some money into proper equipment for next year, as well as a Season Pass to whatever mountain I happen to be close to in college. It leaves you so sore though, I'm still feeling the effects today. It's good for me, I need something to keep me "feeling the burn", hahah. Especially with my diet lately of chicken quesadillas or pasta for dinner every night. I make my own food, so it's up to me to find the motivation to cook and experiment.. after a long day at school and afters chores, that doesn't come easy. I will try to work on this..
Lately all I've wanted to to is get my hands dirty. I want to go over to the garage and work on something. Nevermind that I don't know how, I want to teach myself and learn. I'm disgusted with how I just sit on Facebook for what feels like minutes, and is really HOURS. It's like, "Oh hey, there went my life.." Blogging is different to me, it holds greater substance. But regardless, I need to get myself out of the house. I do feel accomplished when I do things physically, too. Farm chores will definitely take a toll on you, but it's a healthy toll. Maple Sugaring should prove interesting and tedious. Right now I'm in the stage of washing buckets.. I'll let you know how it progresses.

I went shopping tonight :). After cashing 3 checks I've allowed to accumulate, I didn't feel too guilty treating myself to a couple new things.

Short sleeved Sweater, yellow overcoat, owl necklace, all Forever 21.

boys flannel shirt, PacSun. Perfect for when I go boarding or tapping trees.

The storm has passed.

2010-02-01T20:21:00.000-08:00

These past few weeks have been rough and choppy. Scratch that, this past month.

I really do apologize for being gone for so long, I truly despise having to neglect Blogger. It was nearing the end of the second semester though, I was falling behind and as I was saying in the last post, I had way too much on my plate. Since then I have alleviated most of that :). I caught myself up in Physics, gave up my part in Charlie Brown(I'm still helping with the production, but this way I miss rehearsals), dropped Mock Trial Club, and finished my college essay. The bad news: I failed my Math B regents. As did the rest of my class, all 8 of us. You know, New York State can really tick me off. Us and California, we're the only ones who require these tests, and they end up hurting us. Failing this exam means I am automatically out of the Top 10. Even if I re-take it in June and pass with flying colors, my time is up. I have lost my requirement. I am screwed. So yes, thank you NYS, thanks a million. I think my favorite part about the whole thing was my grade, a 64. I wish my teacher would have thrown on a clown suit and some makeup and delivered the news on a unicycle, because a 64 on a regents is nothing short of a joke.

That whole situation left me sort of pessimistic for awhile, that along with the weight of homework, working, and trying to maintain a social life have left me scrambling for time :P. I think I have everything under control at this point though, I am doing a bit of internal re-prioritizing.
Since I blogged last I have . . .

- Flown out to Iowa to see my grandfather(I will elaborate on this)

- Been on February Break and enjoyed it greatly.

-Participated in "Senior Skip Day" :)

- Jammed out in Derek's basement.

- Went bowling.

- Snowboarded twice, I enjoy it. (:

- Decided I might want to learn to play the banjo.

- Had a run-in with the police, but was able to go because I didn't do anything wrong.

- Played Mario Party for Nintendo 64 for the first time with the guys and hurt my hand from getting too into it :P.

- Attended a Lord of the Rings marathon.

- Decided lowfat strawberry smoothies from Panera are a win.

- Contemplated the meaning of life, or atleast what I want from my life.

In the aeroplane over the sea,

Okay, so we didn't fly over the sea. We flew to Minneapolis and switched flights out to Nebraska, from which we drove to Iowa. Still, I love flying in planes, I don't think I would mind being a flight attendant. Take off is my favorite, just feeling the kick of the wheels rising up towards the belly of the plane, no longer being held down the the world. Everything looks so small, it really puts things into perspective. When you're on the ground, everything is so big, you feel like your neighborhood could be the whole world. Another place that puts things into perspective for me is Iowa. Everything just rolls along at a slower pace out there when compared to New York. I'm not even talking the city, just regular upstate NY. The roads are gravel, the houses might as well have their own zipcodes, it's a very spacious, simple place. The sense of community is quite strong though; my grandpa goes to breakfast and lunch every day with the same people. They're all around the same age, older, and they always hassle eachother :). I'm glad to know there are people out there who would notice if he didn't show up for breakfast one morning, friends around to care for him. When I visit I am always reminded of how much I miss my grandma. The older I get, the more apparent it is to me that we were alike in many ways, and would have gotten along so well at this point in time. We always went well together, but as a child you don't see things as in depth as you do with age. It's hard because almost everyone I visit when we travel out there tells me how much they miss her, how they just wish they could pick up the phone and call her like they used to. It's amazing how one lady made such an impact on so many people, I hope to turn out to be something like her. My grandpa is an amazing person himself. He does so well for himself with being on his own, 87 years old, taking care of his own house. He still messes around out in the barn working on tractors(he used to be a big-time collector), and he has put alot on the table as far as my college fund goes. I wish I could spend more time out there hearing his stories and joking back and forth.

February Break has been quite excellent. We started it off with a bang, Senior Skip Day. Of course our whole class would/could not participate, but a good amount of us crammed into a tiny diner in town to eat a cheap breakfast. Somehow mine ended up not being so cheap, but whatever hahah. We took up nearly the entire restaurant. Afterwards we all met at one of our classmate's house and rode trucks and wheelers down to the frozen pond. It's a large pond, mind you, more like a small lake dimension-wise. So we hung out there, drove around doing donuts and drifting hahaha, ate hotdogs, iceskated, played loud music; it was a good country time.
I'm starting to find it saddening that I may not see some of these people after highschool. Later that evening I went to the local ski mountain and hung out with my best friend Amanda, pictured above, and watched her boyfriend play a gig. It was pretty fun, we stayed for fireworks too.

I have decided to quit thinking in terms of plans, but instead allow myself to think theoretically. Forget Plan A, Plan B, there are only 26 letters in the alphabet, give me numberless possibilities. Theories give explanation and a bit of structure while plans just demand too much. Quoted from 'What Sarah Said', "And it came to me then, that every plan, is a tiny prayer to Father Time." It's so true. We can plan, plan, plan, maticulously, but if the timing is not in our favor, it won't even matter. I like the looseness of theories. They give you something to ponder and strive for, without consuming your entire being.
I miss summer. The world just looks so dead. Winter, you'll find your coat neatly hung in the closet, please find your way to the door and leave. The only good thing I got out of you this year was the snowboarding experience. Luckily I was able to borrow almost all of my equipment from friends, all I bought was a $50 jacket, but that was on sale and I needed a new coat anyways. Mountain passes are only $17 on Mondays and Tuesdays, so I only go if it's one of those days, and I have a friend who's a beginner as well to keep me company :). It's a cool feeling, just cruising down the mountain. I definitely could use some improvement, I do a lot of "plowing" it's called, when you go down with your board kind of perpendicular to the mountain, because it's the easiest way. I'm making progress, slowly but surely. I'm antsy for summer though. I keep thinking about what if we went on a roadtrip, how nice it would feel to jump in a lake, the peace of mind knowing I am done with highschool and ready for the next chapter of my life. I'll be eighteen years old, wow. I'm so ready.
I want to apologize again for the lack of blogging.. I feel pretty ashamed that it's been this long.. I guess I wanted to make a really good post if I was going to make everyone wait so long, but then I decided today to just go with it, write what I could. I can pretty confidently say that I'm back for good :). Frequent posts are what I'm aiming for, and I definitely need to play a little catch up on everyone elses' blogs. More time alone is definitely needed. Almost every night of vacation I would find someone to pass the time with, then come home and pass right out. While that's usually fun, I need my time to think, my time for myself. Today was one of those days :). I actually woke up sick, stuffed up, hot, fatigued. So I called in sick to work and spent the whole day in my room. I finished most of my take home test I had neglected all week, did a little cleaning, watched The Sixth Sense for the first time, finished up some college things, watched Flight of the Conchords on dvd :):), "I'm the hiphopapotamus, my lyrics are bottomless ;D." Plus I finally got around to posting this. Oh, I watched a show on 9/11 conspiracy theories and one on taboo death rituals. Apparently there's a exhibit in Germany where they take real dead bodies and transform them into art. They undergo a special process to eliminate the fats, liquids, skin, ect, and pose them doing lifelike things. It's strange, but sort of cool at the same time.

How has everyone been?!? Please, do tell. =)

I believe in...

2010-01-08T20:57:00.000-08:00

I believe in..

- Late night conversations about life and the way society is. The ones that completely open up your mind and you're spilling thoughts like a busted faucet while everyone else is doing the same. Gaining understanding and perspective; becoming the kind of person that this world needs in order to be set straight.

- Keeping a moleskine journal with me at all times for when the inspiration hits, or when there's something I don't want to forget.

- The importance of hard work, especially that of farmers. They are truly some of the most under-appreciated people out there. Fourteen hour work days when things are going well, accompanied by the kind of wages that make you wonder; "Are you joking?"

- Taking long walks when I need to clear my head. Usually my Border Collie tags along.

- The Golden Rule. If you want to be treated well, treat others well. I don't think you should ever treat anyone with less kindness or respect than you expect to receive.

- Documenting your life through photos. You can never have too many pictures or too many memory cards :). I believe this allows you to preserve moments, freeze them if you will.

- HUGS. Such a day brightener, don't you think?

- Doing things just for you, whether it be taking a day off from school to give yourself a break, indulging in a bowl of icecream so-good-you-refuse-to-check-the-nutritional-facts-because-you-would-rather-continue-feeling-good-about-yourself. Or even just driving, going somewhere that you want to go, keeping your own agenda and going at your own pace.

- Love, and that it's inexplicable. I think that's why so many people have a hard time dealing with it, because there are no solid answers. You can't prove if someone's in love or not; you can't measure who loves who more. It's something you have to put everything out on the line for, and trust it'll turn out okay. I think love exists on many levels, including friendship, and can change at any time. There isn't an on or off switch, you learn and grow with someone and it progresses from there. Sometimes people realize they're better off as friends, sometimes they live happily ever after, and sometimes they find their own nook somewhere in between, and it works for them. People try to systemize it, force it, and it fails. I believe it's one of those things that you have to allow to take its own course.

- The power of a good read to change your outlook on life.

- Doing little things to be kinder to the environment. Turn the lights off when you leave the room, recycle your bottles, buy products that have been recycled, or are environmentally friendly. I'm also trying to eat more naturally; whole grains and natural foods. I'm not giving other things up entirely, but I believe that if you atleast increase the things you do that are good for the world and good for your body, it will without a doubt make a difference; atleast in your own life.

- Balance within everything. I'm the kind of person who does everything in moderation, or atleast tries to. I like having the freedom to verge off in different directions, depending on the time and the day. I don't like to put myself fully into anything, there are too many other things going on to be a part of and experience. I think this is why I have the curse of being the "over-involved student".

- The beauty of wandering and not having to know exactly where you are. I wish I could have been on the road with Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassady. That would have been a riot ;).

- Resolving disagreements as quickly as possible. If something is wrong, I want it righted ASAP because you never truly know how much time you have. Sure, you could have eighty more years to talk to this person, but what if you don't? You've wasted time, and that's a shame.

- Creativity and artwork whether it be in the form of a painting, a sculpture, music, or a beautiful garment. Self expression is a wonderful thing, especially when it comes with a message.

- Science and evolution, but also in respecting the beliefs of those who think differently.

- Music and it's wonderous ability to lift your spirits and trap you in thought.

- Acting like a child when winter time rolls around, I believe in having fun.

- Writing letters by hand, and that they are more meaningful than a facebook comment could ever come close to. I believe I need to make more time to do this, and buy plenty of stationary when I depart for college.

The lovely Allison inspired me to write this post :). There are many other things I believe, but this should give you a taste, hahah.

Just living the life.
Attempting to keep my word in my last post, I've been trying to give myself more time to relax and have fun. Last week was pretty tightly packed, but I managed to have an enjoyable Friday as pictured above :). I hung out with those guys, who are basically like brothers/bro'has to me, hahah. We had a little kareoke session where we took turns singing. I was a little nervous at first because I don't consider myself to be vocally talented, hahaha, but it ended up being really fun. Saturday I ran errands and didn't do as much as I should have. It was one of those "Let's waste all of my time on Facebook" kind of days, hahah. That evening I went out with the guys to celebrate Derek's birthday :D. We had dinner at a chinese buffet and I stuffed myself full.

Sunday I finally went back to work-- I've had the longest stretch of time off! It was nice, but I didn't really need to extra time :P, especially since I'm trying to fly out to Iowa with my mom at the end of the month. After work I attended a garage show that my friends who are in a punk band were hosting. It was quite a bit of fun :), the bands I made it in time to see were pretty good, energetic. It was so loud in there though, my eardrums felt busted afterwards but that's okay. I needed a night out to enjoy myself. Then today I gave myself the day off from school, hahaha. Terrible, I know. But I didn't finish my assignments over the weekend, I was already exhausted, and my best friend Amanda already stated she was staying home to work on her art. Adding all of that together was more than enough to convince me to sleep in :). I actually did get a decent amount of work accomplished too. Lately I'm realizing that I've piled too much on my plate, and now I need to toss some scraps beneath the table. I cannot handle my regular classwork/homework, Yearbook, 2 hours twice a week of play rehearsals, 3 hours of mock trial twice a week, along with random key club/NHS/student council meetings while trying to hold down a job, help out on my farm, and attempting to have friends and eat/sleep/live as well. This is what we call an overload. I think I'm going to have to drop mock trial, although I thought it was a fun idea. I think I'm stuck with theater.. so I'll have to just pace myself through that. I don't know how else to cut things back, I think that's as much as I can do for now. It's tough stuff, this growing up business.

Have a wonderful week! I'll be catching up soon :).

Winter Contemplation

2010-01-05T20:02:00.000-08:00

There are not enough hours in the day.

It's 11:11 right now, I should make a wish ;). But in all seriousness, it's this late, and there are still quite a few things I need to be doing. Staying out until seven or later most school nights to do the barn chores probably doesn't help, but still.. I feel as though we're forced to just rush through life, poked and prodded when all we want to do is stop to smell the roses. I actually don't care much for the smell, but you get the idea. Relaxation seems to be frowned upon these days.

I'm not talking about sitting around watching Date My Mom, or a reality tv show. I'm talking about having the time to sit down and read a book without having to keep track of the clock. I'm talking about painting and drawing, writing poems or stories; even just little tidbits of inspiration that come into your head. I'm talking about making yourself dinner without using the microwave. All of these things seem to take a backseat to our academic and mandatory obligations. Whenever I've tried to read before bed this week, it has been impossible. My head hits the pillow and I'm done.

Even though I already have a lot on my plate, I think I want to try skiing. I've never had a 'winter sport', and with a lot of people I know taking advantage of the local mountains, I feel like I might as well give it a try. I only plan to go once or twice a week at most, probably only once, when they have discounted nights. I don't own skis, so I might have to find someone to borrow from. I thought about snowboarding, but I hear it's pretty difficult and expensive, and atleast I'm more likely to do well at skiing, and I have the land to do it cross country on my property. I don't know, I just think it might be a fun way to break myself out of this rut of boringness and obligations. Who said being a senior was easy? I just don't know, I have so much on my plate that I feel like hardly any of it's allowed to be devoted to myself. It's all about responsibility and being prepared for college. I guess by taking the time to do things just for me, it's kind of paying myself back in a sense, and giving me some the opportunity to let go of the stress and just enjoy myself.

My friends and I did a little iceskating over the weekend at one of their houses, which kind of set the mood for me wanting to find a way to enjoy the winter outdoors. Amanda and myself above, not the most flattering picture of me, but hey, we had a good time.
Painting is starting to appeal to me lately.

Just as a hobby type of thing. I'm not some fabulous artist, I just do things for fun when I feel up for it(my last two studyhalls that I spend in the art room), which isn't as often I as I'd like. Below are a few pieces I've done during this year, they weren't very time consuming, but I figured I'd show them anyways. The second one is a Sharpie drawing. And yes, that's my lovely Ralph Lauren comforter they're resting on :).

Since I was without my laptop for awhile, and then without my camera, I never got around to posting any of these fall photos, so here you go; random outdoor cats and my crazy little Border Collie named Candy.

Have a great week everyone, I'll be catching up :).

Hello 2010,

2010-01-01T19:39:00.000-08:00

Wow, isn't that strange to say?

I personally think it'll be the hardest to become accustomed to writing X/X/10, instead of oh-something. At the same time it's cool though, just thinking of all of the time we have been around for. A friend of mine gave me something to ponder; there are eight year olds out there who weren't alive for 9/11.

So any which way, I spent the last evening of 2009 with my friends and their cousins up at their house. It was pretty fun :), your typical hanging out and whatnot, along with staying up til five in the AM. I actually skipped out on watching the ball drop and opted to seeing the fireworks outside instead. I allowed myself to sleep in til nearly 3:00 the next day, and here I am still tonight :). Tomorrow I'll be driving us home, a two hour trip, which I really don't mind. I was pretty happy that my parents allowed me to drive that far-- especially with just my friends, and it makes me that much more excited for road trips in the hopefully-near-future.

Quick re-cap on recent events: Somewhere between my last post and now I went with my guy friends to a local shopping center to pass some time. One of my friends, Zack, brought me to Barnes & Noble so I could pick out a book as my Christmas present :). I picked a Christopher Fowler mystery; TheWater Room. Along with that I chose another novel out of that series to buy myself, I just can't rightfully think which one it was,.. but it had an orange cover. Then I also bought A Thousand Splendid Suns, How Stuff Works(it was in the bargain section and looked interesting). From what I can tell it explains how television works, time, engines, ect. I bought another book "Made In America",but I plan to exchange it for something better; perhaps a moleskin journal. After B&N we went to the mall where I bought the peacoat above at Forever 21 :). I've been wanting one of these for awhile now, and at $24, it's a decent price. I spent the rest of that evening hanging out with those guys, the same ones as the cabin story in the previous post, which was definitely fun :).

VICTORY IS MINE.

Seriously, persistence pays off. Okay, maybe not in all cases, but it did for me this vacation. As many of you know, I lost my camera during a party I had a little while back. Well, I was becoming more and more frustrated with not having it, so this week I bundled myself up, grabbed a flashlight, and got down to business. But no, it was not to defeat 'the Huns' ;). As you can see from the photo above, I ripped up the entire first level of hay bales, which are normally nice and neat. I was tossing bales left and right, reaching my arm into scratchy holes, in a major effort to find my camera. I was ready to give up, out of breath, texting my friend to say I doubted I would ever find it. Then as I was about to leave, a couple of bales caught my eye and I decided to pull them up, reached my arm into the only gap I saw, and presto! There was my camera case :). I have to admit, I felt pretty accomplished. It still works perfectly too. Lesson of the day: Sometimes a little hard work is all that it takes.

A New Year.

Honestly, I didn't sit down and create resolutions before the fact. I had a thing or two in mind, but nothing extreme, you know? Being the first day of the new year, it really isn't too late to write a few ideas down though.

- Assert. I have been noted as a "pushover" before, and let's face it, that term is less than complimentary. It isn't too far fetched though, I'm that agreeable kind of person. It takes alot to truly anger me, and I usually don't make big deals out of things. That can be a good thing, but sometimes I think you need to vocalize how you feel, especially if you allow someone to make a choice for you that goes against what you really want. Especially if your justification is avoiding making the other person mad or creating an inconvenience.

- Write. Supposedly I want to be an author. This being said, you would think I write my brains out, my fingers sore. But sadly, I don't write much at all outside of blogging. I need to change this. I saw that my friend's cousin this weekend, who I also consider my friend, carries a small journal around at all times. That way he can always catch inspiration when it hits. I found that to be a brilliant idea and I think I may have to start doing so myself. I should read more as well.

- Cherish. As I've mentioned before, I worry about my grandparents at their current age and state of health. I really should spend more time with them, getting to really know them and their stories before I lose the chance. This isn't limited to them either; I'm moving on to college next year, I should use this time to show my parents that I appreciate them and everything they've done for me-- become closer, and get to know all of my friends on an even greater level than I already do. When I leave I want to truly know who I'm leaving behind. I want to know who to keep in my life, and have real reasons for why they should stay in mine.

Well, I hope everyone had a wonderful end to their year, and continue to enjoy this new one :). I'll be catching up with blogs soon.

Cabin Fever

2009-12-28T20:11:00.000-08:00

Last night after work I went over to my friend's house to check out his newly finished cabin in the woods behind his house. This is what us country folk do; we hang out in cabins with our acoustic guitars, just talking about random things and allowing a rift to interrupt when the room grows silent. I actually don't own a guitar, so I was a bit out of place with the four guys who all happened to bring theirs, hahah. I don't mind being the listener though. I like watching people's fingers fly all over the place when they play. Once in awhile I'd join in with singing, but that's as far as my musical talent goes. I really want to take up the piano again. Maybe in college I will. Anyways, the cabin was really nice & cozy, especially with the woodstove running. The photo above is of Zack and Bill's guitars I believe, but I could be wrong. I just thought they looked nice so I snapped a shot :). Those guys are all entertaining to hang out with, I couldn't bring myself to leave until 11:30, but that was only because of my midnight curfew ;P. Call me weird, but I absolutely love waking up the next morning after a night around a bonfire, or by a woodstove in this case, and still smelling smokey. It feels homey.

I spent today a little differently. Julie, Amanda, John, and I all went to see the new Avatar movie. It wasn't too bad-- it was good, not necessarily omgomgGREAT!, but I don't regret buying the ticket. The visuals were pretty fantastic. The female's accent kind of annoyed me at first, but I got accustomed to it. The movie reminded me of Fern Gully from my childhood. Jog any memories? I used to love that movie, but it made me despise logsmen, hahah. Avatar gives a good message though, about conserving our environment. I've been reading this article in National Geographic about the deforestation in Borneo.. We need to really fix these issues, people need to care-- myself included. The human race is, for lack of better phrases, turning to shit. A couple of months ago we found WATER on the moon-- a pretty significant discovery, no? But you know what attention that raised? A small portion, possibly an eighth of a page in my local paper. Compare this to the publicity that a unfaithful professional golfer receives.. It's pathetic. You know, I wasn't the least bit surprised to hear he was a cheater-- alot of people are, sadly. Especially celebrities, it doesn't phase me. It's wrong, terribly wrong, but why do so many people care? And why do so many people not care about other issues, ones that could affect history? So yes, this movie might force you to think :P. Afterwards we dined at Panera's and I scarfed down a chicken caesar salad with side of macaroni and cheese. Delicious. Next was a quick stop into FYE so Julie could buy a couple of new horror flicks, those After-dark Horror Fest ones, LionGate's side project thing. I watched one of them, Autopsy, at her house before coming home. Now I would say it's time for bed. I'm scheduled for the early shift at work tomorrow and I could use a few hours of sleep first :).

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays

2009-12-26T07:59:00.000-08:00

Vacation feels amazing.

I have to say, I'm digging this whole not-rolling-out-of-bed-at-7:30-suffering-through-almost-seven-hours-of-classes thing :). Towards the end there, that's how it was. I couldn't get myself awake any sooner than seven, atleast not awake longer than it took to touch the "dismiss" button on my phone. I would set three alarms, and my barely concious self would not take any of them seriously.

So yes, this change of pace feels nice.

Wednesday night, the night before Christmas Eve, my friends and I had our little Christmas Exchange get together at Julie's. We sat in her room while her two ferrets tumbled around, play fighting with eachother and crawling through cardboard tubes. It was great having everyone there, Julie, Shayla, Amanda, Jenna--- our lunch table from last year :). This year, we don't even bother with the cafeteria. Amanda, Derek, John, and myself all go to the art room. How things change, eh?

Amanda's present to me. It was her first attempt at ceramics. I think it has character ;). Also in the background is the cute little chinese take-out box Shayla gave me , filled with holiday goodies and a sweet card.

Mittens from Julie :), I love 'em. As you can see, I already wore them while looking for my camera in the hay mow.

I miss having my real camera like crazy. I almost want to go out and buy a new one--I do have giftcards for Best Buy-- but I can't, not yet. I haven't truly given up, especially with the knowledge that my memory cards, all six or seven of them, are floating among the abyss of hay. I'm not ready to admit that they are gone forever, they can't be...right? The barn will be emptied eventually. For now I guess my trusty camera phone will have to do.

I spent Christmas Eve at Derek's for this annual holiday party I've never been to before. I hung out downstairs with the guys playing pool and talking. It was a pretty decent time :). Kindra was there too, so I wasn't the only female for once. Derek and I exchanged presents; I felt a little guilty because he got all of the guys pretty cheap stuff(ie: A package of paper plates for JP), hahah, while I was given the movie Up, which I hear is adorable, a burnt copy of Inglourious Basterds, and a sweater from the dollar store, hahahah. The kid spoils me :P. I got him a dry erase board with the marker kit, and a big glass bowl and glass stones for his beta fish, which coincidentially died the very same morning.

The family Christmas events were nice. Not as crazy as previous years, a little more conservative--although I did get two generous giftcards, one to Best Buy, and another for B&N. I had been given one for $25, but when we did the giftcard swap over at Grandma's, I drew another $25 one, so that makes for some excellent book shopping. Otherwise I got things I needed, such a warm socks and a yellow coat for doing the farm chores. I can offically "have" my Ralph Lauren comforter now :), as pictured below. Also, my grandma gave me a membership to AAA, since she's worried about my commuting during the winter, very useful. My grandpa won this beautiful wooden trunk in a raffle and gifted it to me; I thought that was rather sweet:). I received a few other things which I won't drone on about, but that was my Christmas. I hope you all enjoyed yours.

Now is the time that everything has to come together, college-wise. I'm discovering that most of the colleges I have held interest in, don't really have my major. They have English, with a concentration in journalism. According to my guidance counselor, that could get me a job at the local paper, but it wouldn't be the degree that would get me launched onto a more die-hard career path. Of course I can't even say if that's what I will end up being-- but I figure for the price of these private institutions that I've been looking at-- Cornell, U of R, Cazenovia-- I should come out with a degree that will be able to land me a job that will pay off the debt of college. So now I'm turning my attention more towards my SUNY picks. Atleast for starting off-- so many of the kids I go to school with are going to the community college 20 minutes away. 95+% of the students who are going to college at all, are going there. I know one guy who's going out to Ohio, one girl is considering a SUNY school 3 hours north, one's looking towards Vermont.. but I believe everyone else aside from me is going to the CC. Most of them plan to transfer after the first or second year, once their core classes are out of the way. Maybe this is smart, but I just don't feel like doing it. I want to get out and experience the college life.

The internal debate

A few factors exist that kind of make me consider going to the Community College.

1) Being #2 in my class, or if I'm not anymore, atleast a part of the top 10, I can go there for lttle to nothing. Probably for free, now that I think about it. Plus no room/board charges. Living at home is cheap as hell.

2) I could keep my job at Ralph Lauren, maintain an income.

3) I won't lose touch with the friends I have here. All of my friends who are going to college, are going here. I won't feel left out on what's going on with them.

4) I'll still have my car available to me.

versus...

This is why I want to get out, and justifications for life on my own.

1) I have lived in the same town my entire life. It would be nice to get out and meet some new people, college makes that easy.

2) All of my years at school were spent working hard to be at the top. It kind of feels like going to Community College makes that a waste.. We joke around here that the school initials mean "Anyone Can Come", and being towards the top of my class, I feel like I could go somewhere a little more selective.

3) I have always said I was going to get out. If I stay here, it kind of makes me all talk. Especially when it comes to my "love life", or lack thereof, one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to get out is to try to really move on from the past. Staying here means I'm still involved, atleast emotionally. I might have to watch things change with my own eyes, rather than be busy in my own life, and hear about what's happened with his later on. I'm not sure that I want to, or can really handle, having a front row seat to watching things change. If that makes any sense.. To put it simply, I don't want to watch my ex date other girls. Going to a new place gives me a distraction, and allows me to carve out my own life. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, and I hope we keep in touch; I just know I have to move on and see where life takes me.
The possible compromise.

I have two schools really in mind for my next two years atleast, maybe all four. Both of them are SUNY, and one is an hour's driving distance, and another is two hours by train. SUNY makes them cheap, both between $15-25 grand/year, before financial aid and grants take place. I could possibly come up to work at Polo some weekends, atleast with the one within an hour, and I think they would allow me some time to work during breaks and vacations. I still wouldn't be bringing in a lot of money, but I suppose it's something. Plus I could visit my friends, and cease the difting from becoming too bad. If I go to the two hour school, I could possibly get into the Creative Writing program, so I would be doing more than core classes during my first years, and I could combine that program with journalism. If I don't meet the Creative Writing standards, I could still do journalism by itself. Then the hour away school has a decent journalism program as well. The good thing about that school also is that I know a few people in the area already. Tom and Julie's older sister lives there, and she told me I could come over and stay there every now and then if I went to school there :). Plus my friend Shayla has an older sister that lives there, so I might see a familiar face in the hall.

The future is just becoming a bit overwhelming. I think for now I will apply to these two schools, and give a couple of the private universities I had longed to go to a phonecall, just to make sure my counselor wasn't mistaken about my journalism major. Feel free to add any imput, but I basically just needed to sort my college thoughts out in type, to make sure I'm making sense.

Happy Holidays Everyone,

Or you could sleep through the static.

2009-12-18T18:14:00.000-08:00

We say anytime, anywhere, just show your teeth and strike the fear
Of god wears camouflage, cries at night and drives a dodge-Pick up
the beat and stop hogging the feast, That's no way to treat an enemy
Well mighty mighty appetite, We just eat 'em up and keep on driving
Freedom can be freezing take a picture from the pretty side,
Mind your manners wave your banners, What a wonderful world that this angle can see.
[Sleep through the static - Jack Johnson]

I feel boring. I do the same things day in and day out. Shampoo, rinse, repeat. Eat, work, sleep. I could train a chimpanzee to take my place. This is why I have been such a bad blogger lately, I lack exciting events to tell you all :P. Lately it's all about preparing for the future(college), and making money. I could use an enlightening vacation. Don't get me wrong, things aren't going badly. I have plenty of good laughs at school, I still enjoy working at Polo, I just have a craving to go out on an adventure.

The bitter cold is getting to me. I lotion my hands like a million times a day, or else they're white and dry. This weather takes some getting used to. On a good note, we've been having Tom come and work again lately. I can't rightfuly explain why, but I actually like to do farm chores when it's me and him. I don't usually like it enough to help every day all week :P, but for the most part I'm out there. I guess it's just nice to hang out and talk with him. The prospect of drifting from people next year is really beginning to freak me out, so I want to spend as much quality time with my friends that I can, now. I don't see Julie as much as I'd like to, and I haven't hung out with Jenna in months. I think I have some friendships to tend to.

Holidays.
It's going to be different this year. Usually my grandma makes a big deal over Christmas, and as an only grandchild, I definitely prosper, hahah. But this year things are hard. My grandma is nearly bedridden, confined to sleeping on the pull out sofa in the living room, unable to go outside, or even cook for herself. On good days, she's able to navaigate the one level of their house. But those are far and few between. I need to make seeing her, and my grandpa who has his own set of ailments, a priority. They could really use me, and I could learn alot from them while they're still here to tell their stories. I just need to slow down and think about these things, rather than letting everything pass me by. It's so hard to lasso in time and slow it down. It requires more focus than almost anything.
So anyways, that also translates into less of a big deal at Christmas time, which is perfectly fine with me. I don't need all of these materialistic items to be content. I still plan on buying gifts for people, I have ideas for almost everyone :). I think as you get older, more mature perhaps, the basis of Christmas is more about giving than receiving. Sure, I hope to get a couple things. Maybe a giftcard to a bookstore from my parents, or a homemade or inexpensive thing or two from my friends. But it doesn't matter that much to me, honestly. I'll be happy with anything I get. I can't lie, I miss the excitement that came with waiting for Santa. The holiday just lacks a certain magic without it.

Weekend to do.
* Search like mad for my missing digital camera in the hay mow.
* Write up physics lab reports so I can be passing again D:, complete take-home test.
* Work on my college applications.
* Spend time with the grandparents.
* Get some Christmas shopping done.
* Buy warm essentials for doing farm chores. My boots currently have holes in them, not helpful when trudging through the snow. I also need a better jacket.
* Use the treadmill.

Drained,

2009-12-14T20:36:00.000-08:00

I started to write a post, and then it was turning out horribly. That's what I get for writing at midnight when I have to be up at 6:30 the next morning.

Expect something new, soon. :)

These moments are alive.

2009-12-06T17:42:00.000-08:00

I believe I am officially back in the blogging realm. :)
Because I have been such a busy little woman lately, I think I'll skip out on alot of the details and give a brief overview, maybe elaborate on things I don't think will put you to sleep, although they might. Friday I hosted a little get together in my barn, I wouldn't quite call it a party. These days "parties" generally consist of over fifteen people, and there is usually alcohol. I had a little over ten, and no illegal substances. So depending on who you are, I either did or did not have a party :P. Anywayssss, it was a chill time. Beforehand I went to Chinatown Express with Amanda,Julie, and John for lunch to celebrate our friendship. Recently we decided to go somewhere new at the first of every month, and John always tags along. I have to admit that I've had better dumplings before, but overall it was a nice place. After I brought everyone home so they could get ready for my "party", I brought Tom with me back to my house to set up. Derek showed up like fifteen minutes later and helped too, then the guests began arriving. The jist of it was this; We set up decorative lights on the beams, climbed up a ladder to the hay loft, arranged square bales for seats, and sat around talking with eachother. We played music too, and occasionally people would get the urge to rock out a bit, which was entertaining to watch :). Surprisingly, it was never boring. We were pretty good at keeping a conversation going, people did and said some funny things, and it was good. Diversity is key I think. Above are the girls and myself :). I would post more pictures, but I lost my camera in the hay! I'm so frustrated, we searched a bit that night to no avail. But I'm going in tomorrow and tearing the place apart. The one downside to parties, atleast for me, is the tendency for teen cuddling. I probably only have a problem with this because I am not an active participant. I shouldn't whine :P.

We had our first real snow yesterday. It's exciting for now, but I know I'll be sick of it a week from now. I'm especially annoyed without my camera to photograph it. Work has been going smoothly for me. I'm finally getting the hang of using the register, and I don't break into a nervous sweat every time I have to ring someone out, hahah. That's a plus. It's kind of nice to have a working enviornment where you learn as you go, rather than just repeat the same steps over and over again. Sure, some things are a process, but atleast things seem to get switched up often. I enjoy gaining the style insight too :). I visited another Polo store, one over in Vermont because our outlet didn't have any more of the bedding I wanted. My mom decided to buy me a gorgeous new comforter for Christmas, one I could take to college, but if she didn't get it now, chances are it would be gone by the holidays, and now it's on sale and my mom can use her friends&family discount. It's a full/queen so it should be practical and last me past college. I'll take pictures of it once I actually "unwrap" it, haha.

I've also kept myself busy with all of the clubs and committees I belong to. The Yearbook first section deadline is about to slap me right in the face, we still have portion left to finish.. I have spent the last two weekends at either Key Club or Honor Society functions. Papers are due, so are lab reports. I need to hold a student council meeting, since I'm now President and such. Our last Answers Please match is Wednesday (tear), I just joined a Mock Trial team, and I really really need to finish college applications. If I had to say right now, my top picks are SUNY Purchase, Cornell, Cazenovia, Syracuse, SUNY Geneseo, and maybe SUNY Stony Brook? I'm applying to SUNY Albany too. I still need to research a few better. Unless the colleges offer me an amazing financial deal, I don't think I'll go to a non-SUNY school for my first two years. Just because it's too much to spend fifty grand on taking core subjects. Purchase is kind of my focus right now because it doesn't cost an insane amount, it has both majors I want, it's literally right outside of the city, and it just seems nice. I think we're going to take a visit on the train soon :).

So yes, this is kind of my life for now. Worrying about my future, then curbing those worries with a little chill time with my friends.
I actually spend alot of time with "the guys" lately. Mainly because I'm the only girl they can hang out with and have it be like it's just them-- I don't really change the "dude" atmosphere I guess :P. We sit around and drink Voltage, play music/watch funny videos, or just talk. Another one of our favorite past times is going to Walmart randomly when we get bored. It's an adventure I suppose? Derek always takes us out driving to wherever, I love it :D. The only thing that really brings me down is thinking of how much I'm going to miss them, and my other friends, especially Amanda and Julie, when I go away. Another recent highlight was being able to see Shayla again when she came up :):). I miss her so much when she's gone away to college, so it was great being able to see a movie with the girls, then to have dinner at Panera's with just her and myself, then go back to my house and sit in my room talking and laughing until the yawns began. I wish she was still here. This growing up thing is hard.

OH JEEZ, that reminds me!

Since Julie turned eighteen this past month, she took advantage of her newly awarded right to ink up her body. Yes, she got a tattoo :D. It's so cool. We just decided one night to go out, and she wanted to check if the place was open, and sure enough it was. I'm not sure if you're all familiar with "fruit stripes" gum, but it looks like this, and Julie absolutely loves it-- even if it only keeps its flavor for less than a minute. In each pack of gum little zebra stick on tattoos are included. So what did she do--? She went out and got 'Zipes' the fruit stripe zebra mascot rollerblading across her wrist, identical to the packages stick on. Strange? Yes. Badass? DEFINITELY ;). I give her alot of credit for going through with it, especially since it was her own, original idea. That's what a tattoo should be about, something meaning something to you, not necessarily anyone else.

Enough rambling! Are you still glad that I'm back? ;P hahah.

Bear with me,

2009-11-30T19:45:00.000-08:00

I'm making a comeback.

First off-

I apologize for my lengthy absense.. :/. It's been what, a month? I cannot even believe I've let myself slack off for that long. So if some of you have quite reading, I definitely understand. But any of you who choose to bear with me and my at times sporadic writing, a million thanks. I genuinely appreciate that people actually take the time to read what I have to say, especially when they give me such awesome feedback along with it :). It's a wonderful thing, and I have truly missed it.

I suppose my alibi is my insane schedule, plus the fact that my laptop is still waiting to be fixed. I plan to get to that this week. But almost every morning I go in early to work on the yearbook, then we can't even access blogger in school, and after school has become a whirlwind of obligations. Preparing for college, doing my research, pesky homework, meetings galore, ect. Then weekends I try to squeeze some time in with my friends between volunteering and working. So that's basically my excuse, although I'm still ashamed that I've neglected writing here for so long. Having this slow internet certainly doesn't help when everything I do seems like a rush lately. But I think it's about time I start to slow down.

The college application process is driving me crazy. I need to put together a creative writing portfolio to submit to SUNY Purchase. I have no idea what all to write about, I need a bunch of poems and short stories. Wish me luck.

Hectic, yes. But this is me trying to pull everything together, and organize myself before I'm out on my own. Writing will definitely gain its priority again, I have missed you all way too much to start slacking off again. I just needed some time to get myself settled a bit :P.

Throughout this week I'll be catching up with you all, returning comments and seeing what I've been missing :). I hope you all had a fantastic holiday, and I can't wait to see what all you've been up to. I'll fill in the blanks alot better once I get back in the groove.

Miss and love you all,

Not cool.

2009-10-25T18:44:00.000-07:00

I think something's gone terribly wrong with my laptop :(. I can connect to the internet, but nothing, no pages whatsoever, will display. I've tried several things, restoration, connecting to someone else's wi-fi, fooling around with the security options; nothing will work. So I will head out to the Verizon store tomorrow to see if they know anything I can do, but I'm assuming not. I have a hunch that it's a virus, and I will most likely have to send my baby back to the Lenovo store and be sent a new one. Gee am I glad I paid the extra to have the accidental damage warrrenty.

I'll be trying to get myself back up to speed with comments, and everyone's new posts-- but this home computer we have takes forever, and I don't want to steal it from my mom too often. So this might be a semi-dead week for me, but I'll keep you guys updated :). Thanks for reading!

A little scrambled.

2009-10-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

Well, I promised Wednesday posts, so here it is.

It'll be short and sweet, because it's past midnight, and I'm ready to hit the pillow.
I was way too overloaded tonight. I had one study hall to actually do my work, and I was only able to get a bit done because I couldn't focus. Then I spent my last studyhall in the physics room preparing for tomorrow's test, but we didn't get through everything. Then I had soccer practice until 4:15 or so, I rushed to pick up John and bring him back to the school to leave for our Answers Please match. During the first round I usually do my homework, since we play the second one. But this time we wandered into a classroom to wait, and a team invited us to play "just for fun", which took up all of my homework time, and they crushed us anyways. As you can guess I didn't get anything done the next round, which was ours, and I actually got home around 9:15. I completed my essay for English and my review sheet for math, but I never really was able to study for the physics or math tests tomorrow. And I have an english vocab sheet. Ughhhh :/ , overwhelmed.

I'm currently #2 in my class though, so that's exciting. I just hope it lasts for more than a couple of weeks. I think things will be better once I have more time after the soccer season's over. Our last league game is tomorrow, then come the sectionals. So I possibly only have two games left. It's weird to think of it being the last time I'll ever play soccer on this team. Or ever, most likely, unless it's just goofing off.

I'll catch up with blogs and such later, I'm exhausted. Sorry this has been more of a short rant than a real post, but I'm trying.

So let's end it with some current events! :P
Have you guys heard about the whole recreation of Edgar Allan Poe's funeral? Interesting stuff. I can't believe only 10 people attended his original funeral.. Oh, even better, how about the flock of sheep that spontaneously combusted in Jordan?

Apparently, there was an underground gas leak under a field, which the flock just so happened to wander over. Locals were setting fire to dry gas, and the sparks travelled to that area, igniting the methane, blowing up the sheep. I can't even imagine how paralyzed and confused the shepard must've felt, standing there watching as his entire herd of sheep set fire before his eyes. That definitely has to be one of those unforgettable "Huh." moments.

ps. I'm still thinking about the whole purpose to life thing, so if any of you want to share yours, or what you feel you're meant to do, go for it :).

I think mine can be summed up with to love, to learn, and to write. If I continue to do those three things throughout my life, and the little subcategories that go with them(such as travelling, experiencing new things), I will be happy. Those things go hand in hand to me.

Happy Sunday

2009-10-18T17:39:00.001-07:00

Right now via webcam :P

Good Evening folks,

So I am actually holding true to my word and posting on a Sunday, woohoo! As you can see I have my Cumberland Farms hot beverage in hand, supplying the necessary caffine for me to complete hopefully half of the things I need to accomplish before I turn out the lights. It's a kooky mixture. A fourth of chai, maybe a sixth of french vanilla, a little white chocolate caramel, and a splash of pumpkin spice. That's what I love about mixing your own, it tastes a little different each time.
This weekend was enjoyable. I spent a majority of it working, but that's okay, I like paychecks. Plus work is nice, as I've mentioned before, the atmosphere at Ralph is wonderful. It's clean and crisp, and I certainly don't mind having an excuse to dress up. Trousers and chinos are comfy :). And I bought two new oxfords, a white one and the yellow one in the picture above, love 'em. Aside from working, I did have a little fun as well. I spent all of last night immersed in conversation with Julie, Tom, and Jared. Just sitting around the kitchen table, pondering about life. We have some deep conversations, let me tell you. I mean, we seriously get into it, haha. It's amusing I'm sure. So, inspired from our talk, I'll ask you guys what is the purpose of life?

Back in the day, I'm speaking neandrathal times, the objective of our lives was to survive. Catch our food, create weapons to defend ourselves, construct a simple shelter, live. Now we don't have to "survive" most of the time. If we aren't able to take care of ourselves, someone will most likely step in to our rescue. So now that we've made it past the survival barrier, what is our mission? Is it to find a job, a career, to make tons of money? Is it to find love, get married, raise a family? Or maybe, some of us just want to make an impact on the way other people think. Personally, I think it varies for the indivudual. The sad part is that some of us never discover our purpose, living life day by day, a blur of repetition. They work at shitty jobs they have no passion for, climb into bed each night with someone whose soul they don't understand, the only connection bonding them being their children. They feel flustered, they boil. But hey, isn't that the way everyone else is living? I think these people, the ones who ignore what they truly want inside for money, or social status, or just because it's all that they know-- need to re-think what they are doing. Life is far too short to spend miserably. We cannot be happy all of the time, there are periods when we need to do something to help us reach what will make us happy, such as a part time job to pay for college. Or an awkward conversation to salvage a friendship. It's only when we give up on happiness that we have a problem. When we decide to work that job we despise for the rest of our lives, when we hang on to someone we don't love just because it's easier. It's when we shut off our impulses and live by the clock.

Ahem, alright, I'm done being all philosophical and such. Thanks to those who critiqued my article. After reading through it, I realize it's not my best. I was a little nervous writing it, since the person who will be reading it and deciding if it makes it in the paper, is a Pulitzer Prize winner, and I have quite a bit of respect for his opinion. Another thing about writing to me, is that once you publish something, your name is attached to it forever. If I write something for the newspaper, I want it to be a near perfect representation of my thoughts, I don't want to bullshit my way through it, or say what I think the public wants to hear. I am not going to write something a certain way to ensure it's published. I don't know, it's just the way I am :P, I want my words to be as true as I can make them. So because of that, I'm going to revise what I wrote before, maybe even change the whole thesis, make it stronger. I might write it on self image, which is kind of like the original, but a little smoother, a little more put together. Whatever I write, I want to focus on society's behavior, because that's what I feel our downfall is, as a species, we are undeniably self absorbed. Myself included. I fill up my tank with gas, I drive all over the place, polluting the air that other species breath. But hey, I want a car, so too bad. That's humanity, and it's a true, but sad thing. Sometimes I wish we were still primitive, atleast to an extent. I wish we could take a magic eraser and wipe out everything that harms anything else. We could keep the good stuff, warm knitted sweaters, instruments, and books. We could find entertainment in the company of eachother, trade for the things we needed, and live as a little clan of woodlyn creatures. Basically, I wish we were elves, haha. I know things are only going to become more advanced, and more convenient for people, but I just hope, for the sake of our future, that we can use what we create to do good, rather than slip into complete self absorbtion, complete greed. I don't believe in communism, I am not some anti government rebel. I realize it is far too late to undo all that we have done, I just question what is going to happen to us, and where we will go from here. The first step is recognization. If we all, as a whole, realize that we're headed downhill, then we all, as a whole, can work together to pull ourselves out of this mess. Oh, I just remembered I started this paragraph off by saying I was done being philosophical. Well, I unintentionally lied, whoops :P.

I apologize if this made little sense, I just type what I think, and it jumbles out.

Status Shmatus.

2009-10-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

I read an article in our local newspaper inviting highschool and college students to write in about relevant issues in today's society. And of course, I simply could not resist adding my two cents to the mix. So this is what I plan to submit, feel free to give your critique or share your opinion on the issue, or any other issue you feel needs to be recognized.

One of the greatest plagues to society today is the high regard given to social status and materialism. Many people have forgotten what it truly means to be alive. We expel all of our efforts into achieving financial success to raise our status and allow us to feel as though we are well off. But what does this mean exactly? Everyone wants to be able to meet their needs, to own a home, afford their groceries, have a car to drive to work. Somewhere along line however, these sensible wants shift into higher gears, based on the standards of others. Our home is not as nice as the neighbors, the other children have brand names on their snacks at lunch, our car is not equipped with the latest comfort features. Then we splurge, we hand over more than is stowed in our pockets in order to satisfy our desire to fit the mold.
We want to be American, we want to live the dream. In most cases, our dreams do not consist of disappointment, of settling for less than the best. We take pleasure in believing that we can have anything that we want, so long as we pay the price. The United States is primarily a mixed market economy, driven by profit. So consequently, consumers are motivated to buy. The more we are capable of affording, the more we appear to have, and the more successful we seem. If we think we have less than the people around us, then life is not fair. Something went wrong, or the other person simply has luck on their side. This is our dilemma, discovering a way to enjoy what we have already worked hard to attain. This is not to say we should always settle, never strive for the things that matter to us. Just maybe, from time to time, it would be in our best interest to move a step back and take a good look at what it is we are trying so hard to obtain. When did these tangible objects or positions of status become such significant factors in human life? Honestly, it is rather disheartening. The simple things are losing their appreciation little by little. People get so caught up in the currents of working and spending that eventually, it may be all that they know.
We tend to take moments for granted, losing fragments of time we can never have back.
Are our lives truly so busy that we cannot make the time? Time is a constant variable, ticking along at its steady pace. We cannot rightfully use it as a scapegoat for why we do not indulge in the things that bring us happiness. All we must do is find a way to organize it, forcing us to choose our priorities. Of course it is not reasonable or realistic to always choose the fun option. Work must be done, but like most things, there is a balance to be struck. If we ignore the role of status, instead focusing on what makes us feel alive, while working to the point where we can live comfortably, we might just find ourselves to be a little less overwhelmed. Another crucial part of life slowly slipping out of existence is the quest for knowledge. Obviously there are scientists, engineers, inventors, plenty of experts geared towards figuring things out. But what about learning on an individual scale for personal fulfillment? Our minds exist for a purpose, to be exercised and used. In conclusion, there are many components needed for our society to function suitably. We do need a stable economy, we need producers and consumers. However, these consumers should recognize the need for balance. Lost in the cycle of buying and selling, people miss out on healthy relationships with one another and themselves.

Organization Station

2009-10-14T20:56:00.000-07:00

Alright, it's time I buckle down.
Things have been continually hectic for me from the first day of school, and I feel like I need to pull myself together. This year cannot be a meaningless blur of homework and obligations. Sure, I'll keep doing what needs to be done, but I can still have my fun :), and keep my blogging alive while I'm at it too.

So here's what's going to happen;
* I will post something every Wednesday and Sunday.
I hope to post more frequently than that-- but I'm promising both of these days.

* I will finally finish that article I began for the newspaper. It will be submitted no later than Friday evening.

* Physics labs will all be written up for class Monday morning.

So yes, expect to hear from me atleast both of those days, and hopefully more. I would sit here and write forever tonight, but it's already past midnight, and I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. I will catch up with everyone eventually, I promise :).

Wow, look, a pulse!

2009-10-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

Alas, I have risen out of my coma.
Call me busy, lazy, unmotivated, dead, all of those would be correct. I have just been overwhelmed with work and things, making it rather hard for me to find time to do the things I enjoy, such as blogging. I would give you some huge, super epic post, but I have nothing super epic to tell you :P. Sorry, sorry. Alot of my time has been spent at school, practice, and games. And lately, weekends at Ralph. I really do enjoy the job. Honestly, I've never been the most organized person, I keep a decent room, but my bookcase it a clutter, my drawers are a combonation of folded and tossed, and I often neglect dusting. At Ralph Lauren, perfection is expected. So I have had to get myself used to folding, and folding with precision. Noticing when a shelf or rack is not straightened up to par, and paying acute attention to the customers. It's been challenging, but I feel like I'm adjusting. I've made friends with a couple of co-workers, and discovered a great hidden deli across the street, where my employee lanyard earns me a 30% discount.. score :). But I do like my new job, and the enviornment I work in. It's cool being in such a style centered setting. You tend to forget about class, when you in well.. class, haha. You wear your jeans and your tshirts, and forget the elegancy. I like seeing little old ladies come in, who still know how to dress well. It's not just for the older generations either, I see some stylish girls come in, the kind where you wish you could have their look, but you know it wouldn't be the
same on anyone else.

Anyways, enough about that. Things feel as thoug they are calming down (aside from SATs this weekend, but we'll just ignore that..) I am spending more time by myself lately, and whether or not that is a better or worse thing, we'll have to see. We can't afford to pay Tom to work here anymore, so I've lost that time, it's really disappointing. He was always nice to just chill with, and if anything was bothering me that day, you could be sure it was fixed by the time he went home. It's kind of lonely now, but that's life and the curves it throws at you, and I will deal. It's just that I can already feel what it's going to be like to miss people, and it's a rather saddening thought.

Current want; I would really like to go apple picking.
Current jam; Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson

Help me decide :)

2009-09-23T19:14:00.000-07:00

Which one screams to you "Hey, I'm Olive's senior picture!"?
Just select one if you will :). I have to choose one soon, and I seem to be having a little last minute uncertainty. I won't disclose which ones I was considering the most, I don't want to affect anyone's judgement on them, haha. If you do it, thanks a bunch. If not it's fine, I understand it's a bit of pressure :P. I am just looking for a few more opinions.

It's nearly ten thirty, so I don't have the time I was hoping for to post-- but I will make up for it. Last night we played an epic game of soccer. We beat the team that hasn't lost since it's entrance to the league three years ago. The team that creams just about everyone. Last season we were tickled pink just to tie with them, that stirred up a little dust in itself. But this time, this season, we held our own, and actually won 2-1. It was a great feeling.

I feel a sickness coming on. However, I'm taking Jocelyn's advice, and a method that has worked in the past-- major orange juice comsumption! Plus a little nyquil. I should be able to evade it :).

Does anyone have good tips for studying for the SAT? Mine is October 10th, and I keep lacking the time and motivation to really sit down and absorb the books. I'm kind of getting worried. I might just need to crack down on myself and plow through the reading-- it's just so hard with everything else that's going on.

That reminds me.. Guess who has an orientation at Ralph Lauren? ;D. So basically, I have a job? Horray! Well, I hope that everything is good with everyone.

♥ Olive

You're wearing your skin like it's too tight,

2009-09-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

Craig Owens...

Is the man. Friday night I went to a concert with Zack and Derek. Opening was a local band, Travis Gray, and then the lovely Automatic Loveletter, then headliner Craig Owens with The Classy Gents. The venue was awesome in itself, the second story of a small bar, one room with only a practice room off to the side and a bathroom. We were able to get in the second row, no problem. We were actually right in front of the microphone too. The first was a tow man band, who I'm not sure the name of, but I enjoyed them. A boy playing an acoustic and singing while his bandmate sat on a stool next time him shaking the tambourine. The next band, Travis Gray, really surprised me. I had never heard of them before, but damn. They were good. Their sound was realloriginal, the singer had a great voice, they incorporated the keyboard, it was just alltogether great music. Now I need their EP haha. Next was Automatic Loveletter, which I never listened to either, but apparently had a decent fanbase there. It comes to no shock to me after hearing them, the girl has a phenomonalvoice, really soulful when it needs to be, and delicate in all of the right places. She looked like an Indian/hippie too, I loved it, really gorgeous girl. Her brother/bandmate was good too, they were constantly cracking jokes, ragging on eachother. It made the show even more interesting. I made a point of going home and looking up their songs afterwards.

Pretty much the whole show was spectacular. Never was I like "Ugh, I just wish this band would leave." I enjoyed the entire thing. I definitely got the most excited when it was time for Craig Owens though. In case any of you didn't know and are interested, he's the frontman for the band Chiodos, where he's famous for his more "hardcore" side, even though his vocals are higher and more beautiful, I'd say, than most bands of that genre these days. He also has a softer band, Cinematic Sunrise on the side. He hates it when he isn't busy. The performance he gave was awesome, the man knows how to interact with his fans. He made the audience laugh, coaxed us to sing along, and talked directly to certain people in the crowd. Since we were so close, I made a point to take plenty of pictures. His voice was perfect the whole way through, but then he began having problems towards the end of the set because he's been sick lately. He played the accoustic versions of Chiodos songs, one from Cinematic Sunrise, and he had a new group formed to help him that night, The Classy Gents. Partway through the performance, when he was ready to play from his new EP, he asked everyone to take three steps back, and sit on the floor. Then he got rid of his microphone and sat on the edge of the stage in front of us all, and we had a little kumbaiya session ;). Now that's what I call "unplugged". He said he felt like this is the way his songs are supposed to be heard, natural, without all of the fancy equpiment. This is how it sounds when he makes them up in his living room, and this is how he wants his fans to hear it. He encouraged everyone to sing right along too. I just admire how real he is, fame hasn't gotten the best of him. It was adorable how he talked about missing his girlfriend all of the time, too. She was there that night, but I never saw her. He wrote a cute little song for her though :), "Joanna". After the show he had a meet & greet over at the tshirt table for everyone who bought the $5 EP, which was like--everyone, hahah. Definitely worth it. Zack was wicked excited, Craig's his favorite artist ever, and when it was his turn, Craig said Zack was one of the best sing-a-longer's he's ever seen :P. That boy knows like every song by heart. Derek asked him to sign his chest hahah, it was great. He's usually into more heavy, hardcore music, but after the concert he has a new appreciation for Craig Owens and his music. I got to meet him too of course :), I told him it was my first time seeing him, and it was definitely one of the best shows I've ever gone to, and I asked him to sign my cat bag. He gladly did :P. Oh yeah, the singer of Automatic Loveletter did too, she thought it was awesome haha. But anyways, I wish I went in for the hug when I met him like some other people did, but I was too shy. I guess it's probably good I didn't, I bet he gets tired of stinky people leaning in towards him in attempt to swap sweat. But it was an amazing time, I'm so glad I was able to go.

We were close enough to see the set list on the stage floor ;)

Zackie and I :)

Yes, the kumbaiya session :).

Zack's meet and greet.

YES, my catbag is 100x more awesome.

Anyways.

After that crazy evening I fell asleep and hung out with Kindra the next day. I never hung out with her before,
but I figured we ought to change that, she's wicked cool :). We watched television and talked about a bunch of things, then went out to see The Time Traveller's Wife at a dinner and a movie venue. It was a really good movie I thought, cute and sad. Of course I haven't read the book yet--shame on me--, but I didn't want to have to wait until its dvd release. The book is always better, so I kind of like doing it in reverse, so that way the movie doesn't disappoint me, and I have the book to really anticipate. Yeah, I'm weird :). Yesterday morning I also hung out with Amanda for a bit, we took senior pictures again. I'll post whichever one I choose once she sends them to me. I want to keep writing and rambling on, but unfortunately I have homework to do, so I'll leave it off here.

I hope everyone had a great weekend :D,

Olive

And from then on it was turpentine and matches.

2009-09-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

From then on it was cold Campbell's from the can

And they were just two jerks playing with matches

Cause that's all they knew how to play

Thanks a bunch Natalie!! :D :D :D.

Okay, so like everyone that follows my blog has been tagged, or there aren't 10 people who have not. But if anyone wants to steal this and do it themselves, feel free to. As long as you're a reader of mine, I dubb you awesome on some level ;). Soo.. now I must give 10 facts about me, let's do this.

1). My hair is naturally this curly. Okay, maybe that's not entirely interesting, but I get asked it a lot :P. I used to hate my hair, and straighten it relentlessly. Now I've grown to accept my "lion's mane", as Amanda lovingly refers to it as.

2). I really want to learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons! Nerdy, nerdy, nerdy, but I definitely want to give it a try. One of my friends, Derek, actually helped me create my own character. I was an Eladrin wizard, it was awesome. But I still haven't begun to play.

3). Cheese is like, my favorite food group. Except I hate foot and goat cheeses. Those taste like mold, I don't care how fancy of a delicacy they are :P. Oh and I really enjoy pigging out on Chinese food.

4). I plan on getting a tattoo when I'm of age. Right now I don't have anything picked out for certain, and I won't get one unless I know I'm sure about it. I'm considering something olive related, like maybe a branch with them dangling, because I've always had this nickname, so it'd have meaning. Also, Julie, Amanda, and I want to get something matching so that's a possibility. If I stumble across a quote that really enthralls me, and I feel it's something I could live by, then maybe I would put that somewhere, in fancy script.

5). I think it would be really badass and cool to have the chance to drive a monster truck. My favorite one used to be Monster Mutt, then it disappeared. Tom says it's because it was the worst one out there, but I always thought it was cool, even if it lost the races.

6). I don't read enough. It's depressing, I wish I could freeze time and be able to read all of the things I want to, then hit play when I feel like paying attention to the rest of my wordly obligations.

7). I'm agnostic, leaning more towards atheist. Except I don't like to call myself one, because they're given a bad rep. I'm tolerant of everyone's beliefs, and I'm certainly more than willing to befriend anyone despite what their views are, because I don't see religion or non-religion as that high of importance, to where it can decide who you associate with. I'll admit that I don't know what happens after life, that's why I can't believe.

8). I want to visit oddball places. Switzerland, Holland, Iceland, ect.

9). I have never crowdsurfed. I'm waiting for a good opportunity :).

10). Basically it's physically impossible for me to frown. I smile like, all of the time. If I'm not smiling, my face is blank or indifferent. It's definitely a rare occasion for me to look truly angry.

LIFE. Has been good. :)

I survived the first week of school, engaging in #2 now, and it's not so bad. I love having two studyhalls at the end of the day, Amanda, Derek and I just hang out in the art room every day for them. I need to start bringing my own lunch though. Answers Please starts this week, I'm super excited for that. Senior photos are due soon, when I choose the one I want, or if I need help deciding, I'll post it on here for you guys :). On Friday we didn't have practice, so I took the opportunity to spend time with my friends. Julie, John, Amanda and I went to town, hitting up the library, the mall, and last but not least---the petstore. I fell in love.

It was the cutest thing. All of the other puppies were up against the little fence, fighting for attention, but that raggamuffin was over in the farthest corner, facing the wall. Eventually it turned to face me, wood shavings stuck in its little dog mustache. When another puppy tried to paw at him and play, he just sat there, all antisocial, I thought it was the funniest thing. I wanted to take it home sso badly.

In other excitement, we surprised Zack after work and brought him to Chinatown for dinner Saturday night. That was fun :), he deserved it after all of the effort he put into my birthday. This Friday we're going to see Craig Owens together in concert, I can't wait. Lately the specials on National Geographic suck me in. Julie and John came over to watch The Girl Who Cries Blood wit h me last night, which was interesting but annoying, since they never came to a conclusion by the end of the show. Then I watched another one about a girl in India who is sixteen years old and only 23 inches tall. It's insane.

Well, now I realize that I'm just rambling. Have a great week folks ;P.
I'll try to keep up with this better :).
♥ Olive

First day back.

2009-09-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

It's finally time, I'm a senior.
I remember very distinctly sitting in a classroom at twelve years old, gazing out a window thinking; "Wow, I'm half way through school. Another six years here and I'll be graduating." And here I am, entering seniority. I don't really 'feel it' yet. I don't think I look that old, that mature. I don't know if our generation is shrinking.. or if it's just my school, but we're TINY! We don't look grown up at all. I think back to seniors of years before, even in the yearbook, just to prove it's not my memory being fogged, they looked ready for college, most of us[my class] does not.
Unfortunately, being the upperclassmen doesn't reap many benefits here. We can't leave school early/to go out for lunch. There isn't even a restaurant to go to in town anyways. The only "priviledge" I'm really looking forward to is budging in the lunch line, hahaha. Oh, and we get our own senior mailbox cubbies. Dream big, right? Oh well, I'm pretty content anyways I suppose. I love my first two classes so far, English and Economics. Everyone in those classes is great, Amanda's in my english class, along with other good friends of mine. I actually have a class besides gym with Tom, in economics, for the first time since like ninth grade. Physics might be fun, and I enjoy Spanish. I still have some glitches to fix in my schedule, like where to fit Digital Photography and stuff, but overall, I think it'll be a good year.
Some annoying changes have been made in our school, but I won't get into them unless they really affect me later. Basically, I feel like they are starting to treat us like a big, inner city school, when in fact we're this little facility in the middle of nowhere, with six hundred kids. There's a new annoying buzzer system because all doors will be locked promply after 8:07, student drivers need parking passes because they have limited our space.. I don't know, we'll have to see how it all pans out.
I survived day one. Now I only need to get through tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday--then it's the weekend! You forget how significant those two sacred days are during the summer months :P. Soccer has been keeping me busy, I have a game tomorrow night, and I went to a pasta party tonight. We have this tradition in our team where before certain home games, someone, usually a senior, hosts a dinner for the team where we devour some carbs, talk loudly amongst ourselves, and play plenty of games together. It was pretty fun. Mary's grandma makes some awesome ziti.

So, this post was kind of boring. I promise to write a more exciting one soon :).

Long Overdue.

2009-08-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

I must say, I'm pretty ashamed of my blogging these days. It's been weeks hasn't it? Sheesh.. What has gotten into me?

I will blame it on the ending of summer, that's my alibi and I'm sticking to it, haha. But really, I have been keeping myself quite busy. Rarely do I sleep in my own bed, solitude is becoming an occasion. Living it up is my ambition, and I've been refusing to let the remaining days of freedom just pass me by. During my absence I have gone a few hours away to Lake Champlain. Julie and her family brought me and we stayed with her cousins in the overhead story of their garage. It was a wonderful time :). When I'm with that group, I feel like a part of their family. I'm not just the awkward tag-a-long. I even got along great with the other 'non family', Will's friend Dustin, and his girlfriend Kelly. Us "kids" hung out talking about things, especially late in the evenings. Already we can tell that we're the next generation of "Sapperknackers", which I mentioned in my Fourth of July post, all of the ex and present hippies, who have kept close contact as the years pass them by. I know that several years from now, I'll be coming to their get togethers, and maybe hosting them, feeling more at home every time. It's nice being able to just talk with people about intelligent things. We decided that what we need to do is purchase our own island, away from the rest of the world, and just live on our own accord. I wish that was possible. Although I would miss blogging :(, that's the only downside, haha. But we discussed government conspiracies, the concept of marriage, religion, drugs, life, ect. We had some great conversations.

When we weren't being all philosophical, we played wii sports, hahaha, and pool in their basement. Julie's ferret waddled around, taking in the new enviornment. Another nice thing about the trip was the weather. It was actually warm enough to go swimming in the lake :). We swam out to their anchored , square dock. I would like living on a lake. So overall, I loved the visit, and now that I can drive, hopefully we can go up there again in the near future.

Also, another exciting outing was boating back at home with a teacher and her family. Nice people :). We walked around town, devoured some pizza, and got ourselves a little sun. On the boat Julie and I noticed that fetus cloud.. atleast we thought it oddly resembled a little baby. Another day was spent swimming at a different lake, but alas, no photographic evidence is available. Basically, we've gone lake-hopping this summer :).

One day we actually set out on a hike. That endeavor was shortlived, because it was a scorcher, and none of us ever go hiking. I felt like I could've continued onward, just because I've gotten used to long walks with my dog, but it was probably best we only went so far the first time. Next time though, we'll make some distance.

Julie at the end of the bridge we crossed the highway on :).

August is a month of birthdays for our family. Both my grandma and dad share ones only a day apart from eachother. Which is weird to think about, because my own mother gave birth to me a day after her fourthieth birthday. Huh. But anyways, we had little celebrations for each, including presents and cake. We're a simple family, it's nice. For my dad I bought two shirts and drew a card, and for my grandma I baked a cake, bought a card, and got her the latest edition to Jon Katz series she enjoys. He's a local author that writes about his dogs and his life on the farm. I think it was called "A Dog's Soul", or something of the like. I'll have to check his books out sometime.

Tom is finally nearing the completion of my bookcase :). It was my birthday present, but he's been building it in their greenhouse, so it's a little overwhelming trying to work on it in the summer heat, so I've cut him some slack. I came over the other day to watch him/help construct it, and I'm pretty impressed. Right now it's at the point where all the wood is cut and ready, complete with knotches for the shelves to slide into. All it needs is to be screwed/glued together, and it'll be good to go. Depending on how it looks, we might put a protective coat over it, but it's nice wood, so I don't think an actual paintjob will be necessary. I'm thinking of painting a mural as its backing, since it lacks one currently.. but I don't have much faith in my artistic skill. I was thinking of cutting a piece of plywood to the proper proportions, then painting a purplish sky, and orange sunset, a few dark, bare trees, and maybe some ravens randomly swooping. It looks fantastic in my head, but getting it to resemble any of the above is the challenge at hand. I mean it doesn't have to be perfection, seeing as alot of it will be obscured by my literature, but it'd still be nice to have a cool backing.

Just a walk in the park.

So fastforwarding to the present, I spent most of today with Jenna and Shayla. We harassed Jenna at work until she was released, then Shayla bought me Starbucks, which I swear I will repay her for, and we ate dinner at Panera's. It was nice sitting and talking with them, I hadn't seen either of them in quite awhile, so we had some catching up to do. Jenna had to get going afterwards, but I drove Shayla and myself to the local park to kill some time. And that we did, via photoshoot :P.

My failed attempt to be a tree :P, and the beautiful Shayla.

^Notice the creeper baby :P, I uploaded this one specifically for Natalie, hahaha.

So yes, I've been keeping myself busy, haha. Summer days are dwindling down and it's frightening. Class is already in session for alot of you. Yikes. My motto these days is just "Live it up", because I don't want to spend the few days remaining sitting around waiting for the boredom of school to fall upon me, haha. Okay, maybe I'm a bit dramatic. School isn't that bad. Senior year is definitely something worth looking forward to. Still, I can't help but to wish that this blissful season lingered a little bit longer.

Oh, and I decided to join soccer. I was pretty certain I'd end up doing it, and here I am, about to start the second week of practice tomorrow. It was rough getting myself accustomed to all of the running and stuff at first. I was definitely not in the prime physical shape I should have been, haha. But I think it will be a good season. I like just about, if not everyone on the team. Everyone pushes themselves, and encourages eachother. I have good feelings about it. Although, tomorrow might be less than a breeze, it's 1:05 and my practice begins at 7:30, haha. Oh man. I needed to update this though, I loathed how behind I was getting. Many things have been circling in my mind these days, I wish I had the time and ambition to write them all out. Eventually, haha. Just for now I needed to update you all on my little adventures, and prove that I'm in fact, still alive, and not in some vegetable state either. I'll save the philosophy for later.

Have a wonderful week everyone, I'll try my best to catch up with your posts.

Sincerely,

livia

PS. Natalie and Christina, I have not forgotten your prizes. Just give me time :).

:O

2009-08-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

I'm so, so behind. It's terrible :(.
But I'm finally trying to catch myself up, I'll be posting a real entry soon. For now I'm just attempting to get up to date with everyone's blog, and I just wanted to let you guys know I didn't like vanish or something. Well I sort of did, but just temporarily :).

The days of summer are dwindling down, and I'm just trying to live them up to their full potential. I hope you're all enjoying your remainder of summer, or whizzing through the start of the school year.

♥ Olive

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

2009-08-14T18:15:00.000-07:00

I may have stumbled upon quickie snacktime heaven, dears.
Toast a slice of bread of your preference, coat it(or slather as I do) in Nutella, and slice a banana, making thin little circles. Cover the toast in a layer of however many you can fit, and eat the rest plain, or however you fancy. But the toast, nutella, and banana slices are delicious, atleast in my mind. And incredibly simple/fast.

(Photo jacked from Google, I ate mine to fast to think to photograph :P)

Lately I've been thinking about the enviornment. So many things can be easily done to make things a little better for our planet. I've never been an expert on this stuff, but I'm trying to improve. I always save bottles for recycling purposes and I turn off appliances when I'm not using them. Another thing I think I'll begin doing is bring your own bag, basically carrying a reusable bag to the store rather than wasting more plastic. I save the bags I do get, and reuse them for garbage and such. But I can only re-use so many of them.
Also I've tried getting accustomed to taking cold(er) showers. It's easier after jogging or unloading multiple wagons of hay. I can't handle full on just cold, but I only turn the hot on alot less, so it's managable. It's pretty cold though :P. But so far the results are nice. My hair feels softer and shinier and I take alot less time in there, hahah. I'm guessing because a chilly shower isn't quite as theraputic as a hot one. I'm not sure if I can make that a regular thing, but I'm going to try, atleast while the weather's so nice.

Do you have any "green" methods you'd like to share? I'm just a n00b at it.

I regretfully do not have much else interesting to share. The past couple of days have been occupied with unloading hay, which I've griped about previously, so you all know the tortures of it :P. Callouses, callouses, callouses. Even if you wear gloves. Tomorrow sounds like the same old song and dance.

Enjoy the weekend, everyone.

♥

(jamming to: Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps - Cake)