Greetings from Iowa!

Hey, remember me? I'm that girl who writes a post once every two months saying that I need to post more often. Well, here I am again ;).

It's hard to find a balance with all of the things you love to do, and all of the obligations you know you have. One thing I am happy with myself for has been achieving my academic goal for this semester. Actually, I out-did it. In the fall I ended with a meek 2.8 gpa, and I was determined to push myself a little harder than that in the spring, setting a goal of 3.6, and last week grades were posted, and I was thrilled to see a 3.8 as my score. Hard work pays off sometimes, and now I just need to make sure I don't let it go to my head and start slacking again when I go back. With college fresh on my brain, I'll share some pretty basic things I learned from my freshman year:

* GO.TO.CLASS. This sounds pretty basic, like DUH, you have to go to class if you want to do well.. but sometimes people actually let this slip. "The class doesn't have attendance, the notes are posted on blackboard, the professor is boring, ect.ect." While you can afford to miss a day here and there, it's really in your best interest to just suck it up and go. You're paying for these classes and your professor's time, so you might as well utilize it and soak up every thing that you can. It will help, I can almost guarentee it. Sometimes attendance doesn't count for much according to the syllabus, but do you really want to miss out on freebie points for just sitting down in the classroom? You might not fare so well on your next test, and some professor actually use attendance to determine a curve on your exams. Don't screw yourself over :P.

* Find your zone. Atleast for me, it's really important that I have the right environment when I'm trying to study. For me it went like this: reading and note-taking was done sitting all comfy and lazy on my bed. (Unless my ghetto-fabulous neighbors decided to put on the Lil Wayne full blast, then I went to plan B) My second study spot was at my desk in the common room, that's where I'd usually work on my papers, provided my suitemates weren't out there listening to their music and getting prettied up for whatever middle-of-the-week party they were going to.. but after the 11:00 mark my desk was usually a safe bet. For papers I'd sacrifice the comfort of my bed so I could be forced to actually sit upright and be far enough away from my bed to do my work and not just doze off. Then for projects, or papers I just couldn't concentrate well enough in my room to do, I'd go to the library. I only went a few times, but from my experience, it forces you to get your shit done. So my advice is to just know the places you feel like you get the most accomplished, and make a habit of using those areas to get you in the zone to get your work done so you can have time to do things that are, well, fun ;).

* Take whatever extra-credit you can get! Think of it as counting, write it down in your planner as an assignment so you won't think of it as just being optional. The more points, the better, unless you're really overloaded.

*Expand your social circle. When I first got to college, I reallly kept a small circle. Like I mean it would just be me and my roommate, and our other good friend eating together every day. I love those girls, and sometimes I like it when it's just the three of us catching up, but this second semester we finally made some more friends to add to the group. We were never against making friends, we just somehow weren't meeting anyone, it was frustrating. It's nice to know more people, so if your roommate can't make it to the gym or dinner, you can text so and so, and spend time with them instead of having to go by yourself. We even made some guy friends in the end who let us hang out and smoke their hookah tobacco a couple of times towards the end of the semester. It's just cool getting to know people, and the more people you meet, the more they'll introduce you to over time. I still feel like I have a relatively small network of college friends, but meeting more people is a goal of mine, and my roommate's next year.

* Don't drink in your room. atleast not in your common room. Just don't, if you get caught and your resident director isn't feeling particularly generous, you could wind up on probation for the rest of your college career. Sometimes they WILL randomly knock on your door and do a "suite check" so be forewarned. This usually only occurs on notorious "drinking holidays" like Halloween, St. Patty's, whenever they catch wind that they should be suspiscious. Atleast have a quick plan for in case someone comes, a designated hiding spot for bottles/shot glasses, a concealed trashcan for cups and cans.. Have fun, but be smart ;).

* If you go out partying, stick with friends. It's a given, but try not to even wander off for a little bit, try to always stick by/within view of someone. I personally know a girl who wandered out of the pizza parlor or something she was at with her friends late one night, a guy started running his mouth to her, and she's not one to just sit quiet and take it, so she dished it back, and his "girls" attacked her, and the GUY kicked her in the face! It happens... It's a very sad, sickening thing, but some guys are just bottom-of-the-sewer-scum.. Luckily her friends and the police were able to break it up, but some people won't get that lucky. Some people will attack in groups, and some won't care what your gender is.. Not even if you're beautiful like this girl was, and I've had another close friend get threatened by a random guy who thought she "took his seat." Yeah, there's some real gentlemen out there.. My roommate carries pepper spray, I'm pretty happy for that.

* Buy books ahead of time! I always screw myself over this way. I wait too long to figure out what books my classes need, and thus am stuck spending an arm and a leg at the University bookstore. Amazon and chegg.com are two of the sites alot of students use to buy or rent their textbooks. We also have a cool used bookstore downtown from my campus, so check into things in the area like that. And if you feel like the textbook is something you're never going to find use for again, sell it back to the bookstore after! I've made $60+ back in a semester for returning a few of my books.

* Don't be afraid.. to take classes outside of your requirements if they interest you. It's all about learning, don't just think of your education as a checklist. Don't be afraid to change your major either, I went from Journalism to Psychology already in my first year. Don't be afraid to exchange contact info with someone in your class; it's really nice to have someone to text if you miss a day and want to know what happened while you were gone, or to double-check about something the professor said. I've had to do this more than once, and it was nice having the convenience of asking another student rather than emailing the professor and waiting days, or possibly never getting a response, depending on the professor... Some are good about getting back to you, others aren't.
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So, what exactly am I doing out in Middle of Nowhere, USA? Truthfully not very much. Which can be pretty nice for awhile. Some days have been busier than others with visiting with my mom's friends, this is where she grew up afterall. We went to a couple of really nice shopping areas in Nebraska the other day, where surprisingly, I didn't buy any clothes! Instead I scored a couple of nice deals on accessories including wooden and gold bangles, a good hairwrap, a couple of books at B&N (Catcher in the Rye, Sarah's Key), and I really went crazy for this one place called The Body Shop. I've never been to one in New York, but they had pretty environmentally friendly products and they advocated for creating jobs in poor economic countires. They just seemed to have a lot of good messages behind their company and were reasonably priced, so I bought a few seaweed based face products, hoping they'll help keep me looking clean and fresh for summer. I'm trying to do a lot for my health overall lately. Trying to remember sunscreen, and getting in the routine of a morning and/or evening run along with a little abs and arms workout. And trying to eat healthy. It's easy here at the house because when we went grocery shopping I was very particular about what I chose.. wheat thins, whole grain bread, strawberries, v8 strawberry banana juice, special k, ect. But it's harder when we have lunch at the diner, there aren't really any "healthy options" to speak of, so that's my indulgence, I usually have a grilled cheese and fries, but I atleast skip the salt. I'm not really trying to lose weight although if a few pounds shed I won't complain ;), but I'm really just trying to give my body the best, get somewhere close to "optimal health" although I doubt I'll ever get quite that far. I'm just trying to be more conscientious about what I'm putting into my body and how I'm keeping my body in shape and preventing health problems I don't need to have. I definitely need to tone up, my arm strength is pathetic hahah. I'd like to be a lot more active than previous summers. Tom sent me a text the other night that we're going to go running in the woods when I get home, so now that really motivates me to shape up while I'm in Iowa. I don't want to be huffing and puffing 20 ft behind him, feeling like a burden holding him up. I want it to be a good experience where I can keep up with him and we can push eachother to keep going.

So in Iowa I've been practicing my endurance running on the gravel roads. The unstable ground seems like decent preparation for the woods, although the woods are going to be much steeper. I really just want to be outside and do a lot while I'm off from college and free from the confines of my dorm room. How do you guys keep active in the summer?

I'm not really sure what I want to do about employment this summer either. Lately I've been working with my old art teacher, flipping a house. I find stuff like that to be so much more fun than sitting inside a store all day. I like doing work that you can actually see yourself getting things done, you witness the progress. At my retail job, I feel like I'm just folding clothes that are going to be messed up again 20 minutes later, bugging customers who don't want to be talked to, and sweating in the limited number of work-approved outfits I own.. the same ones I wear through the winter. I guess I'm weighing my options.. but if I can work on the house flipping deal all summer, I might not have the time for a secondary job, and the house work actually pays better too with alot more flexibility. I appreciate that my previous job has kept a spot open for me while I went to college, but I want to spend my summer having fun and doing things I want to do.. If I can get away with just working for my teacher, and working enough to get by for the summer, that's what I'll do, although the idea of quitting makes me nervous. Then there's also the prospect of working at this nice hotel in the restaurant part which is what my friend is doing. She's pretty sure she can get me in, and it sounds like a good job, paying better than the one I have now, plus the opportunity for tips.. so that's an option too. I just don't want to overwhelm myself with work this summer, it passes too quickly to not enjoy it.

I kind of like doing work that gets my hands dirty. I like scraping wallpaper and getting paint splatters on my sloppy clothes. I like feeding calves, but I like it more when Tom does it along with me. I want to go hiking this summer. I want to plant a vegetable garden. I want to go to bed smelling like bonfire smoke 75% of the time and wake up atleast one morning to take a drive to the ocean on a day that just seems right. I want pictures, and pictures, and pictures so I never forget the fun and the youth I once had.

I'm so ready for summer, how about you?

Disappearing Act

On the very last minute of this Tuesday evening, I'm making a comeback. I will not guarentee for how long, because sadly, I always wind up disappearing after a few posts. I hate that I do this, but it always seems to happen. I refuse to just give up and delete this blog though. It's like that brown, dying houseplant that nobody has the heart to quit watering. I'm just going to keep watering it when I remember, let it sit in the sun, and hopefully one day it will turn a lush green again.

I'm really excited to catch up with everyone though, it's going to be a challenge, but hey, I'll embrace it. Things have just gotten so busy with my college life, as they did in my highschool life, and I see that it's really not a good excuse. I need to drill the concept of "time management" into my head. It's getting there.. I'm atleast doing well with balancing a social life and an academic life---but now I need to learn to incorporate my introverted/"me time" life into the mix..including working out. Tonight was the first time I really exercised in WEEKS, just like with blogging.. Lately I've been going home a lot. Friends have been offering me rides left and right, plus it's MAPLE SEASON!!!!!, so I've been making maple candies and cream from our own maple syrup. We're actually having a great season, which we desperately needed after last year... Last year we only made around 36 gallons of maple syrup, and this year, not even finished with the season, we've made 100 gallons. I think it could be a good idea to get some sort of website started up for it.. like, that stuff sells.. and honestly we don't charge nearly as much as most maple producers do for the same quantities and grades of syrup. So.. when I decide I have a bunch of time on my hands.. maybe I'll make a website, haha. I know I just wrote a big post last time, forever ago, about my uncertainty about my future, and lo and behold, I've gone and made it more complicated. Now I'm seriously considering going on the Psychology track. I know I sound really inconsistent. I can admit that I'm not really at all sure what I would like to spend the rest of my life doing.. But I know this, atleast. I do not want to be a reporter. It isn't me. These journalism classes I've taken so far, all news related, which should be a big DUH, but it really isn't my thing. I had an interest in doing magazines, but that wasn't really the direction my classes have been going in. Next semester I'm planning on taking a Magazine Writing course to affirm my decision.. but I took a Psych 101 class, and I think there might be something for me there.. I have always had an interest in helping people, actually I make it a priority a lot of the time.. I thought about Psychology before, but I had the idea in my head that it would be too hard, it's a "science," and I never could retain scientific information in highschool. But this class has proven to be different. I'm pretty interested, and I'm getting phenomonal(please excuse the bragging) grades in it. That's one thing I've been trying to do this semester, step up my grades. First semester I was just gliding along, doing average, on the verge of poorly. I passed everything, but not with flying colors. Now I'm realizing that even though I'm at a big university, I can still excell if I actually put forth effort. And.. if I'm paying for it, it's definitely worth the effort. I'm learning that this isn't 13th grade. But back to psych. I'm not 100% sure what I'd definitely do with it, whether I'd go all the way and get a Ph.D and open a private practice, or maybe I'd find a concentration and go into something like School Psychology. It's just another option though, I probably won't really have a solid idea of what I want to do until next year when I take more courses in it. I'm definitely more interested in the counseling side of it than the research/experimental concentration. But then again, maybe I'm really a writer. Or maybe I'm none of these future identities I try to claim. It's all just trial and error, this college thing. Oh, and I'm kind of over the last two colleges I was talking about. I still think I want to transfer after next year, but my desired location/school has changed. It's all about Champlain College in Burlington now.

I just want to take a moment here to say Rest In Peace to Sean Laflash. Last week my town lost a really great kid, much too early. He was such a polite, sweet, and respectable person. He spent his entire life in boy scouts, and was recently awarded his Eagle Scout status.. Sean had a passion for photography, and he worked hard all summer for his DSL camera.. He lived up the road from me.. I would drive by his house and wave at him nearly every day. He was a senior this year, only a grade below me. He knew how to make people laugh. He had good friends. He died doing something he loved, skiing.. He was a great kid, and it is truly a tragedy that his life was cut so short. He could have done a lot of good things.

I really want to encourage anyone who skis or snowboards, or does any sort of high action sport/activity, to please be safe, and wear a helmet. It can't always save you, but it is worth the investment in case it can. I always wear mine. Freak accidents shouldn't discourage anyone from going out and exploring their passions, but just use a little precaution. Watch your speed, wear a helmet, be aware of your surroundings..

On that note I think I will end this. In exactly a month, May 5, Cinco de Mayo, I will take my two final exams and officially be done with my first year of college ;)! That's part of the reason I made a point to post today, aside from it being waaaay past due.. I really don't want my last month of freshman year to be forgotten. I haven't even written in my journal in ages. I can't let it continue to go this way. I lose out on a lot of self reflection that way, and I espeically lose out when I don't blog, because I don't get the feedback I love from all of you. You are all really, truly dear to me. I'm sorry that I go off the radar so often, and I can't express how much it means when some of you continue to keep up with me despite my lack of good, frequent posts.

Internal Conflict

When I think about where I want to transfer to after next year I am conflicted. When I think about what kind of work I want to be doing once I get out of school I am conflicted. It's all one big self-confliction and I haven't the slightest idea how to sort it all out before it's too late.

Thinking about it I've always kind of had this identity issue (don't worry, this isn't about to get psychotic), but I've always been torn between my farm girl roots and my curiosity for the bigger world. A Country Mouse and the City Mouse dilema if you will.
There's a simplicity to the country life that I love---there's something beautiful about deep green grass and a hard day's work and an honest living. The older I grow, the more I admire the country people. The more I appreciate the work my parents do to produce high quality milk--the more I see the injustice of how little farmers get for doing so much. My parents work 12-14 hours every day (including weekends) on the farm, all year round, yet we're just making ends meet. Seeing our struggle always kind of pushed me away from the lifestyle, "I just want to do anything but that..," get me to the city, give me tall buildings, clean structures, modern interior design. Give me a desk and an office and a steady paycheck that has no dependency on the inconsistent prices for milk/hundredweight. But now as I get older I'm drawn more to the pride of producing something, creating something of your own that can better the world somehow. I get ideas in my head of expanding our maple business, of possibly starting up some kind of other venture.. I get ideas of having a nice house out in the country with plenty of land.. If I have a family that's something I definitely want.. I can't picture myself permenantly living in a city.. It's something I would do for awhile for the experience of it, but I feel like it isn't where my roots are. So it makes me wonder where my future is headed. I always thought I was bound to be this big city girl, you know? I mean maybe.. but it's all so confusing. There's like two images of myself that I conjure up when I think about the future.
On one side I see this professional journalist. This magazine editor, or this columnist, this successful woman who's aware of the world and has a voice to speak about it. She knows the issues, she cares about the issues, and she pushes them to the surface. She conducts or contributes to meetings with big fancy posterboard with expoential growth charts and vibrant photos to be selected for the publication. She writes down story ideas and her words hit the printed press in copy, after copy, after copy. She has Starbucks in one hand and a ballpoint pen in the other, she gets down the business.
Now meet the other self, she's in the sugarhouse boiling down tree sap to make maple syrup. A lively Austrailian Shepard paces in front of her, asking for attention. Once she finishes boiling for the day she goes inside to work a little more on her novel with a cup of hot chocolate sitting on her large wooden desk. The dog sleeps beneath her feet and only stirs when the front door opens signaling that her husband is home. Maybe she's a notable author, or maybe she works for a local media outlet, but she resides in the country. There's room for dogs to run and a family to grow. She might have some livestock, maybe if she gets ambitious she'll start up a small dairy business, or maybe she'll raise puppies, or maybe her husband is a crop man. Or something else entirely, or a mixture. Whatever she does she loves the land and loves the animals, she takes care of them both. An agricultural hippie.

This is why I'm so conflicted. I see these two persons, and I don't know which path I'm supposed to take.

College I feel is a major step in either direction. Two of the schools I'm considering go hand in hand with these opposite persons. One is a media arts college in Chicago, supposed to be fantastic for gaining a media-driven education, they even have Magazine Journalism as its own independent major. Usually everything is just lumped together under the vague title of "Journalism." Great facilities, wicked cool dorm options (bathroom and kitchen in every suite), really modern look.. And they have a minor in environmental science option. Problem is, it's a big change to a humongous city--and it's 15 hours away by car. Coming home, I'd be on a plane for sure. Needless to say I wouldn't be coming home too much.

School #2 is half an hour to 45 minutes away, but in Vermont instead of New York. It's a small liberal arts college, focused on environmental sustainability. It's a close-knit community, and they do have a Communications/Journalism major, but it isn't nearly as focused as the city college, but that doesn't mean it can't be a good program. This school has Agricultural programs and a Writing program along with many environmental applications, that's its main thing afterall. It even has its own campus-run farm, where the students take on the responsibility of making sure the chores get done and the plants and livestock are taken care of. You learn about farming and how to do things like make your own cider and honey. There's a lot of chances to do things outdoors for recreation. I'm not sure if I would be better off commuting or living on campus if I went to this school..I'd kind of rather live on campus, but if the cost is greater than the gas---then it's up in the air.

I just don't know.. The city seems so interesting, but I also love the charm of a small, close-knit college full of other peace and earth-loving hippies like me. What if I try to snatch a bite of the city mouse cheese, only to be caught in the paws of the big cat? I just don't know, I feel like I'm at a crossroads. There's options beyond these two schools, but they're my top contenders at the moment, so I thought it'd be best to pair them against eachother.

There's one constant across my inconsistent string of ideas, and that's to receive a good education. Regardless of what I wind up doing, I want to always be learning, and college grants the best opportunities for that--the best intellectual environments, and I want to sieze the opportunity while I still can.

I know this was one big annoying argument with myself, so if any of you read this, I give you major credit.. Hopefully my next post will be on a different sort of topic.

OH WAIT, maybe I should let you guys know about my trip.. So I went in positive spirits, a chance to do something with my mom, and a "Farm Show" honestly didn't sound too bad to me, as I've admitted in this post, I'm kind of into that stuff. So we go late Thursday morning. We do a little shopping at the mall and go back to the hotel because we intend on going to the farm show in the morning. Hello major blizzard... It was snowing non-stop Friday, my mom was too weary to venture out in it.. So we were stuck in the hotel room, all day. I think I watched "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and "The Shining." Perfect for being stranded in a hotel, no? So somehow I managed to survive through that, I tried to keep my complaining at a minimal, I knew my mom hadn't planned on this happening--it was right at the end of my vacation from college too.. so I really didn't want to be stuck for a day of nothing. But the next day we packed our bags, checked out of the Best Western, and headed to the Farm Show.It was pretty alright stuff. Mainly vendor booths advertising their product or services, spoke with some of them. It'd definitely be neat for someone who knew what everything was. Lots of big machinery, like huge. It was neat to be around so many "farm folk," wearing their Carhartts and boots, seeing both children and boys my own age climbing up into the tractor's to look them over. Did I mention this was all inside, thank god.. So my mom and I went around and looked at most every booth, she talked to company correspondents that she knew, we got a free buffet lunch from some friends of hers, and I bought maple cotton candy in the maple part. Although I wish it hadn't been a three-day-excursion, I'm glad I went and spent time with her, and it was a good experience to go to the show.

It was nice to come back though. I finished up visiting with friends, saw Amanda again, spent more time with Tom and Julie's family. One day, the day I was supposed to be heading back to college, Tom had the idea to go snowboarding on the hill behind his house. So much fun. It was pretty warm out too, so we were just in jeans and sweatshirts, falling down in the snow, and it didn't even feel that cold! I just got right back up, and trudged back up the mountain, it wasn't uncomfortably cold at all, it was weirdly..refreshing. I fell alot though, I have a ways to go in my snowboarding career, ha ha. Luckily the snow was deep too, so no pain. One run, I fell directly on top of the burdox bush... Smooooooth. Thankfully I had Tom to help pick the burs out of my sweatshirt. I went grocery shopping with them, and I had my own list too, and we didn't get back until 6:30 or so, and my mom wanted to take me home by 5, or I needed to find an alternative ride, she's not a night-time driver. So I decided what the hell, I'll just stay another night, because Julie offered to take me back the next day. So I went home and said my goodbyes, got a nice visit in with my grandma :). Never again after that one time, will I ever let myself be home without seeing my grandma atleast once. That time I ran out of time before I had to go back to college---guilt ate me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner all week. It felt nice to have an extra night too, not to rush right back to school. Julie and I had a nice drive down here too, I wish it had been farther kind of so our conversation didn't have to end as soon as it did. I'm hoping her and Amanda will come down to hang out here this weekend, but it's undecided. But here I am now, at college once again. Procrastinating homework once again ;), but atleast I'm blogging. I hope everything is going well with all of you.

Olive