You never consider the thought, it just seems so alien. You don't picture something like this happening here, to the people you know =/.
Monday morning tradgedy struck in my hometown. It was a weird morning from the start, I was running late(as usual), making the mad dash from the parking lot to the school, trying to get to homeroom in time to make it on our field trip. Since Amanda and I always sit together on the bus, talking amongst ourselves, we kind of missed out on the surrounding conversations, especially since we sat in the very front. Once we reached the college we were doing our business day at, we caught up with another classmate telling us how she "couldn't believe what happened", and of course we were clueless.. "You didn't know, Ben was found dead this morning.., he killed himself.." It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Always a grade below me, I never had much interaction with him, but we knew eachother, and I have a few fond memories of him that I'll always hold close. He was a polite, respectable boy, who always seemed to be smiling. I would have never expected this to happen to him. He must have held a lot inside :/. He gave so much to the community, more than I ever knew of after hearing the memorial service this evening, that really opened my eyes to who he was. He was a funny kid, anyone who talked to him could vouch for that. Big plans too.. he was determined to go into the army, a very patriotic boy.. Recently he was even accepted into a highly selective citizenship program. The more I think of him, the more I wish I had gotten the time, the chance to talk with him more. Our paths just did not cross at the right moments.
This has had such an impact on us, our school. Everyone is upset even if we're all showing it in different ways. Mostly everyone went down to the conference room at some point to sign the cards, sit with other students to talk, to cry, to find comfort. Many of us wrote letters to him. We all wonder the same question.. why?, but we'll never get an answer. I think there is a lot to his story that we don't know, and never will.
I think it's causing us to reflect, to realize that we're fragile and we cannot take anything forgranted. People are telling eachother that they love them, people are putting themselves out there. We know now that we aren't invincible and neither are the ones we care about. It's just so unbelievable.. we'll never see him in the hallways again, he'll never tell another joke, he'll never reach his dream of being in the army. And it's the saddest thing I've known in a long time.
You'll be in our hearts and minds forever. You will be greatly missed.. :(
Rest In Peace Benjamin ♥