Friday, November 12, 2010

In the end, only kindness matters.

I think one of the greatest feelings we can encounter as humans, is the feeling when someone reaches out to you, and you're able to help them in return.

I was waiting for the bus today, by myself, and another
student comes up to me and starts talking. I forget how he initiated the conversation, but he began asking me questions like what year I was, my major, what classes I take, ect. At first it was a little off-putting, haha. I'm just waiting for the bus, I didn't sign up to play 20 questions.. But the more I spoke with him, I started to find things out, and he started to really like, open up and talk to me. I found out he was born in China, and he's been going to school here for a few years, but doesn't really know anyone too well because he lives off-campus, and he has a lot of trouble with the language. It broke my heart that he seemed to be so...alone. He was getting pretty personal, saying he was going through a tough phase and saying how he really needs to be more thankful for everything. It's really hard to advise someone when you well, don't exactly know them, at all.. but I told him that we all just need to appreciate the little things, like how it's such a beautiful day[which it was]. I can't tell for sure, but it seemed to me like that might've helped him somehow. Just having someone listen, and share their thoughts, and their stories(I told him all about my farm and my small, small school which flat out amazed him haha) can sometimes be just what a person needs.
This weekend is sort of different, I have the dorm to myself. My suitemates are still in and out of course, but my actual roommate went home for her friend's birthday. Usually when she goes home, I go home. Plus I go home pretty often in general, hahaha. But this weekend I decided that I need to actually act like I live here. It's kind of nice being able to go places by myself, don't get me wrong, I love going places with my roommate and friends, but every once in a blue moon, it's refreshing to be on your own. It's nice to be on your own schedule, spending as much time in the world as you'd like doing whatever you see fit. It felt like forever that I roamed around Macy's in a daze, admiring their kitchen-ware that I have no use for here, strolling down their "Holiday Lane", which made me long for Christmas to hurry up and get here.. I'm in like, such a holiday mood :). It's weird though, because at home we honestly don't do much for the holidays, sadly. My parents are busy people, busy farmers. They don't want to spend the time they have to finally sit down, decorating the house. My mom doesn't want to spend all morning taking care of the calves, to come inside and cook a big Thanksgiving dinner. So we don't really go all-out decorating and we usually order a dinner from Hannaford. It makes sense. Sometimes I wish I had the ambition or time to take care of that sort of stuff, maybe now that I'm an "adult" I will :P.
I'm off for round two of exploring this 'city' of mine. I hope everyone's having a great weekend!

Thursday, November 4, 2010


Thinking about the future makes me panic.
I feel as if I'm approaching a crossroads. Even though I'm young, it seems like the path I choose to take now dictates a lot of things for me. The further I go into college, the more set on the track of becoming a journalist I become. Why would I spend four years working towards a degree only to push it to the side and never use it? If I'm here for this, I have to be serious about it. It costs a lot of money, money I could be saving for something else. So why am I uncertain? I don't know if media is really my thing. It interests me, but can I handle the fast pace of it, am I really passionate about it like others are? I honestly don't know. I haven't even gotten my feet wet and I'm trying to determine if I can take on the waves.
Sometimes, especially lately, I wish I could lead a double life so I could know what things would be like if I went in a different direction. What if I went to Community College like a lot of my friends to get my gen-eds and load up on credits? I would still have my job, I wouldn't feel like I'm constantly losing money without gaining a cent of it back. I would see my friends and family daily, I could play with my dog. I could experiment with cooking, I could be driving myself places.. I just don't know. I contemplate "what if's" too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went away for school and for the experiences that I've had and the people I've met. I'm just thinking about where it's going to lead and the consequences my choices have.
All I want to do is read for enjoyment, sit around a bonfire with my close friends, take pictures of beautiful things.. I want to try yoga, play the piano and I wish I had time to make maple syrup and candies this year. I want to get to know my grandparents better while there's still time left. I want to take the time to learn German and I want to travel. I feel so restricted and pressed for time, the moments I take to relax and do something for myself are overshadowed with the obligations I know I have. Perfect example, I shouldn't be writing right now, my Nutrition assignment is past due and I've barely started it.. But I can't keep doing this, I need to give myself creative freedom and a chance to breathe and express myself. There has to be a better way. Maybe I'm not cut out for this, or maybe it's just a little bump in the road. I'll just keep on trucking though, the semester is coming to an end next month, then I get to explore a new set of courses. I just need a little re-organization to set me straight, and I definitely need a weekend of relaxing at home :-), which I will be doing as soon as I get out of classes tomorrow.
It just scares me that life is always about getting to the next step it seems, it's always waiting
and working towards things getting better. You work hard through highschool so you can get accepted into college. You spend years studying and going mad at college so you can begin a career. You start at the bottom of the career and work your way to the spot you actually want to be---and if you find out that it isn't all you hoped for, well, you work until you have the means to retire or you go back to the beginning and see that you can't find a niche where you belong somewhere. THIS. TERRIFIES. ME. dsfkmsdgmgfs!!! D:
Now that my pre-mature midlife crisis is out on the table, let's see what I've been doing in my free time since I last posted :).

"Little Band, Big Sound", Sirsy has been me and my best friend's favorite local band for quite some time. Basically they're a two person band, singer/drummer/flutist Melanie Krahmer and Rich Libutti who plays guitar, piano, keyboard bass and anything else they decide to throw in. The way they do it, it founds like there's 4 or 5 people up there instead of just the two. Last time I was home, I was lucky enough to be in town for a show to be pretty close by. My friends and I were in the very front of a surprisingly uncrowded venue, and we wound up talking to Krahmer for quite a length of time after the performance :), so that was pretty awesome. As you can see, I got my shirt signed. These guys are pretty well known in the area, headlining for bands of the like: Maroon 5, Collective Soul, Blues Traveler, Train, Lifehouse.. you get the drift. They're coming back to play another show in December, I can't wait.
One of my college friends, Madiha, turned 18 within the last couple of weeks, so of course we had to treat her to something nice! We went to Moe's for some mexican food, her favorite, and she surprised us by treating US to icecream afterwards. She told us it's a custom in her family to treat people on your birthday. As much as we protested, insisting it was her birthday, we should be buying for HER, she refused and we ended up accepting the icecream :P.
We spent "Halloweekend" downtown as most of the college-goers do. I don't think I need to elaborate too much haha, but we had a good time, and I think I know how to take care of myself pretty well by this point. It was especially good to have a few of my good guy friends "the ol' boys" down for one of the nights :). I felt safer, plus they're just a riot and I always have a blast when they're around. I was a viking lady, Paige a kitty cat, and Madiha a mime! On actual Halloween we decided to take it easy so Paige, Shayla, and I went to the movies to see Paranormal Activity 2...SCARED ME SO BAD. My word. I haven't been frightened like that from a movie in a long time.
I can't wait to come home to this.. our porch overrun with an army of cats(don't these two look conjoined??!) We seriously have too many cats running around. Why you ask? Because people think that if you have a farm, you must need cats, so they feel free to just drop them off and they breed. Good thing my mom has a soft spot for the fuzzballs.

Question: I've noticed a lot of people have blogs that the post area is wider, how do you get it that way? My blog is teensy tiny, I want my posts and pictures to be wider/bigger, does anyone have any advice for that? Or what do you even do for layouts, I just used one of Blogger's templates and 'customized' it. Am I missing out on any better ways to do it? I'm not the most html savvy girl around.
Also, I decided to give NaNoWriMo a go :)!! I think it's an awesome idea, I have my self doubts, but I'm really going to try it. Is anyone else? We can motivate eachother, haha.