Thursday, November 4, 2010


Thinking about the future makes me panic.
I feel as if I'm approaching a crossroads. Even though I'm young, it seems like the path I choose to take now dictates a lot of things for me. The further I go into college, the more set on the track of becoming a journalist I become. Why would I spend four years working towards a degree only to push it to the side and never use it? If I'm here for this, I have to be serious about it. It costs a lot of money, money I could be saving for something else. So why am I uncertain? I don't know if media is really my thing. It interests me, but can I handle the fast pace of it, am I really passionate about it like others are? I honestly don't know. I haven't even gotten my feet wet and I'm trying to determine if I can take on the waves.
Sometimes, especially lately, I wish I could lead a double life so I could know what things would be like if I went in a different direction. What if I went to Community College like a lot of my friends to get my gen-eds and load up on credits? I would still have my job, I wouldn't feel like I'm constantly losing money without gaining a cent of it back. I would see my friends and family daily, I could play with my dog. I could experiment with cooking, I could be driving myself places.. I just don't know. I contemplate "what if's" too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went away for school and for the experiences that I've had and the people I've met. I'm just thinking about where it's going to lead and the consequences my choices have.
All I want to do is read for enjoyment, sit around a bonfire with my close friends, take pictures of beautiful things.. I want to try yoga, play the piano and I wish I had time to make maple syrup and candies this year. I want to get to know my grandparents better while there's still time left. I want to take the time to learn German and I want to travel. I feel so restricted and pressed for time, the moments I take to relax and do something for myself are overshadowed with the obligations I know I have. Perfect example, I shouldn't be writing right now, my Nutrition assignment is past due and I've barely started it.. But I can't keep doing this, I need to give myself creative freedom and a chance to breathe and express myself. There has to be a better way. Maybe I'm not cut out for this, or maybe it's just a little bump in the road. I'll just keep on trucking though, the semester is coming to an end next month, then I get to explore a new set of courses. I just need a little re-organization to set me straight, and I definitely need a weekend of relaxing at home :-), which I will be doing as soon as I get out of classes tomorrow.
It just scares me that life is always about getting to the next step it seems, it's always waiting
and working towards things getting better. You work hard through highschool so you can get accepted into college. You spend years studying and going mad at college so you can begin a career. You start at the bottom of the career and work your way to the spot you actually want to be---and if you find out that it isn't all you hoped for, well, you work until you have the means to retire or you go back to the beginning and see that you can't find a niche where you belong somewhere. THIS. TERRIFIES. ME. dsfkmsdgmgfs!!! D:
Now that my pre-mature midlife crisis is out on the table, let's see what I've been doing in my free time since I last posted :).

"Little Band, Big Sound", Sirsy has been me and my best friend's favorite local band for quite some time. Basically they're a two person band, singer/drummer/flutist Melanie Krahmer and Rich Libutti who plays guitar, piano, keyboard bass and anything else they decide to throw in. The way they do it, it founds like there's 4 or 5 people up there instead of just the two. Last time I was home, I was lucky enough to be in town for a show to be pretty close by. My friends and I were in the very front of a surprisingly uncrowded venue, and we wound up talking to Krahmer for quite a length of time after the performance :), so that was pretty awesome. As you can see, I got my shirt signed. These guys are pretty well known in the area, headlining for bands of the like: Maroon 5, Collective Soul, Blues Traveler, Train, Lifehouse.. you get the drift. They're coming back to play another show in December, I can't wait.
One of my college friends, Madiha, turned 18 within the last couple of weeks, so of course we had to treat her to something nice! We went to Moe's for some mexican food, her favorite, and she surprised us by treating US to icecream afterwards. She told us it's a custom in her family to treat people on your birthday. As much as we protested, insisting it was her birthday, we should be buying for HER, she refused and we ended up accepting the icecream :P.
We spent "Halloweekend" downtown as most of the college-goers do. I don't think I need to elaborate too much haha, but we had a good time, and I think I know how to take care of myself pretty well by this point. It was especially good to have a few of my good guy friends "the ol' boys" down for one of the nights :). I felt safer, plus they're just a riot and I always have a blast when they're around. I was a viking lady, Paige a kitty cat, and Madiha a mime! On actual Halloween we decided to take it easy so Paige, Shayla, and I went to the movies to see Paranormal Activity 2...SCARED ME SO BAD. My word. I haven't been frightened like that from a movie in a long time.
I can't wait to come home to this.. our porch overrun with an army of cats(don't these two look conjoined??!) We seriously have too many cats running around. Why you ask? Because people think that if you have a farm, you must need cats, so they feel free to just drop them off and they breed. Good thing my mom has a soft spot for the fuzzballs.

Question: I've noticed a lot of people have blogs that the post area is wider, how do you get it that way? My blog is teensy tiny, I want my posts and pictures to be wider/bigger, does anyone have any advice for that? Or what do you even do for layouts, I just used one of Blogger's templates and 'customized' it. Am I missing out on any better ways to do it? I'm not the most html savvy girl around.
Also, I decided to give NaNoWriMo a go :)!! I think it's an awesome idea, I have my self doubts, but I'm really going to try it. Is anyone else? We can motivate eachother, haha.



Helennn Louise said...

Olive, my love. I think most people feel that fear first year. I was all set to go home and become a nurse or something but once you get into it, you'll look back and think what the hell was I thinking back then?! I'm not going to promise that because maybe you will decide that this career path isn't for you and that's totally acceptable! You're the only one who can decide!

That's so sweet about the birthday meal and then the ice cream back <3

The costumes looked great and I so so so so want to go see paranormal activity two but the first one bored me so I might wait until it comes out on DVD. I don't want to fall asleep in the cinema :L

OLIVE! I'm a NaNoWriMo writer! I totes need motivation! Day six and i only have 2000 words :( What's your penname? I'll buddy you when I get it working on the internet here :)

Hope you're having a lovely weekend!!


Allison said...

Olive - first of all, I just want you to know that I just adore you. You're one of the people who I know really and actually READS my blog - which is so sweet.

I hate the whole college process. I feel like you're thrown into it senior year of high school, before you really KNOW yourself yet... then freshman year you load up on all the stupid classes that mean nothing to you, and then you have to mindlessly declare a major, and if you end up hating it, you're in big trouble and you're wasting so much money.
You have to look in yourself and kind of ask some tough questions - what attracted you to this major? Is it because you really love it, or is it because you think you can get a good job out of it? (Both are important, but I honestly believe that you should go with something you LOVE - you don't want to be stuck in a "good" job that you hate).
It's a crazy time, and a lot of decisions. You're such a smart girl with a really good head on your shoulders - you'll figure it out. Don't stress too much though, okay? You're where you are right now for a reason.
You and your friends are so gorgeous! I adore all the pictures, especially of all your Halloween costumes! So cute and fun :)
To make your blog wider, you have to choose the "stretch" template- that way your pictures can be bigger :)
Enjoy your weekend, sweetie! xox