Cabin Fever

Last night after work I went over to my friend's house to check out his newly finished cabin in the woods behind his house. This is what us country folk do; we hang out in cabins with our acoustic guitars, just talking about random things and allowing a rift to interrupt when the room grows silent. I actually don't own a guitar, so I was a bit out of place with the four guys who all happened to bring theirs, hahah. I don't mind being the listener though. I like watching people's fingers fly all over the place when they play. Once in awhile I'd join in with singing, but that's as far as my musical talent goes. I really want to take up the piano again. Maybe in college I will. Anyways, the cabin was really nice & cozy, especially with the woodstove running. The photo above is of Zack and Bill's guitars I believe, but I could be wrong. I just thought they looked nice so I snapped a shot :). Those guys are all entertaining to hang out with, I couldn't bring myself to leave until 11:30, but that was only because of my midnight curfew ;P. Call me weird, but I absolutely love waking up the next morning after a night around a bonfire, or by a woodstove in this case, and still smelling smokey. It feels homey.

I spent today a little differently. Julie, Amanda, John, and I all went to see the new Avatar movie. It wasn't too bad-- it was good, not necessarily omgomgGREAT!, but I don't regret buying the ticket. The visuals were pretty fantastic. The female's accent kind of annoyed me at first, but I got accustomed to it. The movie reminded me of Fern Gully from my childhood. Jog any memories? I used to love that movie, but it made me despise logsmen, hahah. Avatar gives a good message though, about conserving our environment. I've been reading this article in National Geographic about the deforestation in Borneo.. We need to really fix these issues, people need to care-- myself included. The human race is, for lack of better phrases, turning to shit. A couple of months ago we found WATER on the moon-- a pretty significant discovery, no? But you know what attention that raised? A small portion, possibly an eighth of a page in my local paper. Compare this to the publicity that a unfaithful professional golfer receives.. It's pathetic. You know, I wasn't the least bit surprised to hear he was a cheater-- alot of people are, sadly. Especially celebrities, it doesn't phase me. It's wrong, terribly wrong, but why do so many people care? And why do so many people not care about other issues, ones that could affect history? So yes, this movie might force you to think :P. Afterwards we dined at Panera's and I scarfed down a chicken caesar salad with side of macaroni and cheese. Delicious. Next was a quick stop into FYE so Julie could buy a couple of new horror flicks, those After-dark Horror Fest ones, LionGate's side project thing. I watched one of them, Autopsy, at her house before coming home. Now I would say it's time for bed. I'm scheduled for the early shift at work tomorrow and I could use a few hours of sleep first :).

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays

Vacation feels amazing.

I have to say, I'm digging this whole not-rolling-out-of-bed-at-7:30-suffering-through-almost-seven-hours-of-classes thing :). Towards the end there, that's how it was. I couldn't get myself awake any sooner than seven, atleast not awake longer than it took to touch the "dismiss" button on my phone. I would set three alarms, and my barely concious self would not take any of them seriously.

So yes, this change of pace feels nice.

Wednesday night, the night before Christmas Eve, my friends and I had our little Christmas Exchange get together at Julie's. We sat in her room while her two ferrets tumbled around, play fighting with eachother and crawling through cardboard tubes. It was great having everyone there, Julie, Shayla, Amanda, Jenna--- our lunch table from last year :). This year, we don't even bother with the cafeteria. Amanda, Derek, John, and myself all go to the art room. How things change, eh?

Amanda's present to me. It was her first attempt at ceramics. I think it has character ;). Also in the background is the cute little chinese take-out box Shayla gave me , filled with holiday goodies and a sweet card.

Mittens from Julie :), I love 'em. As you can see, I already wore them while looking for my camera in the hay mow.

I miss having my real camera like crazy. I almost want to go out and buy a new one--I do have giftcards for Best Buy-- but I can't, not yet. I haven't truly given up, especially with the knowledge that my memory cards, all six or seven of them, are floating among the abyss of hay. I'm not ready to admit that they are gone forever, they can't be...right? The barn will be emptied eventually. For now I guess my trusty camera phone will have to do.

I spent Christmas Eve at Derek's for this annual holiday party I've never been to before. I hung out downstairs with the guys playing pool and talking. It was a pretty decent time :). Kindra was there too, so I wasn't the only female for once. Derek and I exchanged presents; I felt a little guilty because he got all of the guys pretty cheap stuff(ie: A package of paper plates for JP), hahah, while I was given the movie Up, which I hear is adorable, a burnt copy of Inglourious Basterds, and a sweater from the dollar store, hahahah. The kid spoils me :P. I got him a dry erase board with the marker kit, and a big glass bowl and glass stones for his beta fish, which coincidentially died the very same morning.

The family Christmas events were nice. Not as crazy as previous years, a little more conservative--although I did get two generous giftcards, one to Best Buy, and another for B&N. I had been given one for $25, but when we did the giftcard swap over at Grandma's, I drew another $25 one, so that makes for some excellent book shopping. Otherwise I got things I needed, such a warm socks and a yellow coat for doing the farm chores. I can offically "have" my Ralph Lauren comforter now :), as pictured below. Also, my grandma gave me a membership to AAA, since she's worried about my commuting during the winter, very useful. My grandpa won this beautiful wooden trunk in a raffle and gifted it to me; I thought that was rather sweet:). I received a few other things which I won't drone on about, but that was my Christmas. I hope you all enjoyed yours.

Now is the time that everything has to come together, college-wise. I'm discovering that most of the colleges I have held interest in, don't really have my major. They have English, with a concentration in journalism. According to my guidance counselor, that could get me a job at the local paper, but it wouldn't be the degree that would get me launched onto a more die-hard career path. Of course I can't even say if that's what I will end up being-- but I figure for the price of these private institutions that I've been looking at-- Cornell, U of R, Cazenovia-- I should come out with a degree that will be able to land me a job that will pay off the debt of college. So now I'm turning my attention more towards my SUNY picks. Atleast for starting off-- so many of the kids I go to school with are going to the community college 20 minutes away. 95+% of the students who are going to college at all, are going there. I know one guy who's going out to Ohio, one girl is considering a SUNY school 3 hours north, one's looking towards Vermont.. but I believe everyone else aside from me is going to the CC. Most of them plan to transfer after the first or second year, once their core classes are out of the way. Maybe this is smart, but I just don't feel like doing it. I want to get out and experience the college life.

The internal debate

A few factors exist that kind of make me consider going to the Community College.

1) Being #2 in my class, or if I'm not anymore, atleast a part of the top 10, I can go there for lttle to nothing. Probably for free, now that I think about it. Plus no room/board charges. Living at home is cheap as hell.

2) I could keep my job at Ralph Lauren, maintain an income.

3) I won't lose touch with the friends I have here. All of my friends who are going to college, are going here. I won't feel left out on what's going on with them.

4) I'll still have my car available to me.

versus...

This is why I want to get out, and justifications for life on my own.

1) I have lived in the same town my entire life. It would be nice to get out and meet some new people, college makes that easy.

2) All of my years at school were spent working hard to be at the top. It kind of feels like going to Community College makes that a waste.. We joke around here that the school initials mean "Anyone Can Come", and being towards the top of my class, I feel like I could go somewhere a little more selective.

3) I have always said I was going to get out. If I stay here, it kind of makes me all talk. Especially when it comes to my "love life", or lack thereof, one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to get out is to try to really move on from the past. Staying here means I'm still involved, atleast emotionally. I might have to watch things change with my own eyes, rather than be busy in my own life, and hear about what's happened with his later on. I'm not sure that I want to, or can really handle, having a front row seat to watching things change. If that makes any sense.. To put it simply, I don't want to watch my ex date other girls. Going to a new place gives me a distraction, and allows me to carve out my own life. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, and I hope we keep in touch; I just know I have to move on and see where life takes me.
The possible compromise.

I have two schools really in mind for my next two years atleast, maybe all four. Both of them are SUNY, and one is an hour's driving distance, and another is two hours by train. SUNY makes them cheap, both between $15-25 grand/year, before financial aid and grants take place. I could possibly come up to work at Polo some weekends, atleast with the one within an hour, and I think they would allow me some time to work during breaks and vacations. I still wouldn't be bringing in a lot of money, but I suppose it's something. Plus I could visit my friends, and cease the difting from becoming too bad. If I go to the two hour school, I could possibly get into the Creative Writing program, so I would be doing more than core classes during my first years, and I could combine that program with journalism. If I don't meet the Creative Writing standards, I could still do journalism by itself. Then the hour away school has a decent journalism program as well. The good thing about that school also is that I know a few people in the area already. Tom and Julie's older sister lives there, and she told me I could come over and stay there every now and then if I went to school there :). Plus my friend Shayla has an older sister that lives there, so I might see a familiar face in the hall.

The future is just becoming a bit overwhelming. I think for now I will apply to these two schools, and give a couple of the private universities I had longed to go to a phonecall, just to make sure my counselor wasn't mistaken about my journalism major. Feel free to add any imput, but I basically just needed to sort my college thoughts out in type, to make sure I'm making sense.

Happy Holidays Everyone,

Or you could sleep through the static.

We say anytime, anywhere, just show your teeth and strike the fear
Of god wears camouflage, cries at night and drives a dodge-Pick up
the beat and stop hogging the feast, That's no way to treat an enemy
Well mighty mighty appetite, We just eat 'em up and keep on driving
Freedom can be freezing take a picture from the pretty side,
Mind your manners wave your banners, What a wonderful world that this angle can see.
[Sleep through the static - Jack Johnson]

I feel boring. I do the same things day in and day out. Shampoo, rinse, repeat. Eat, work, sleep. I could train a chimpanzee to take my place. This is why I have been such a bad blogger lately, I lack exciting events to tell you all :P. Lately it's all about preparing for the future(college), and making money. I could use an enlightening vacation. Don't get me wrong, things aren't going badly. I have plenty of good laughs at school, I still enjoy working at Polo, I just have a craving to go out on an adventure.

The bitter cold is getting to me. I lotion my hands like a million times a day, or else they're white and dry. This weather takes some getting used to. On a good note, we've been having Tom come and work again lately. I can't rightfuly explain why, but I actually like to do farm chores when it's me and him. I don't usually like it enough to help every day all week :P, but for the most part I'm out there. I guess it's just nice to hang out and talk with him. The prospect of drifting from people next year is really beginning to freak me out, so I want to spend as much quality time with my friends that I can, now. I don't see Julie as much as I'd like to, and I haven't hung out with Jenna in months. I think I have some friendships to tend to.

Holidays.
It's going to be different this year. Usually my grandma makes a big deal over Christmas, and as an only grandchild, I definitely prosper, hahah. But this year things are hard. My grandma is nearly bedridden, confined to sleeping on the pull out sofa in the living room, unable to go outside, or even cook for herself. On good days, she's able to navaigate the one level of their house. But those are far and few between. I need to make seeing her, and my grandpa who has his own set of ailments, a priority. They could really use me, and I could learn alot from them while they're still here to tell their stories. I just need to slow down and think about these things, rather than letting everything pass me by. It's so hard to lasso in time and slow it down. It requires more focus than almost anything.
So anyways, that also translates into less of a big deal at Christmas time, which is perfectly fine with me. I don't need all of these materialistic items to be content. I still plan on buying gifts for people, I have ideas for almost everyone :). I think as you get older, more mature perhaps, the basis of Christmas is more about giving than receiving. Sure, I hope to get a couple things. Maybe a giftcard to a bookstore from my parents, or a homemade or inexpensive thing or two from my friends. But it doesn't matter that much to me, honestly. I'll be happy with anything I get. I can't lie, I miss the excitement that came with waiting for Santa. The holiday just lacks a certain magic without it.

Weekend to do.
* Search like mad for my missing digital camera in the hay mow.
* Write up physics lab reports so I can be passing again D:, complete take-home test.
* Work on my college applications.
* Spend time with the grandparents.
* Get some Christmas shopping done.
* Buy warm essentials for doing farm chores. My boots currently have holes in them, not helpful when trudging through the snow. I also need a better jacket.
* Use the treadmill.

Drained,

I started to write a post, and then it was turning out horribly. That's what I get for writing at midnight when I have to be up at 6:30 the next morning.

Expect something new, soon. :)

These moments are alive.

I believe I am officially back in the blogging realm. :)
Because I have been such a busy little woman lately, I think I'll skip out on alot of the details and give a brief overview, maybe elaborate on things I don't think will put you to sleep, although they might. Friday I hosted a little get together in my barn, I wouldn't quite call it a party. These days "parties" generally consist of over fifteen people, and there is usually alcohol. I had a little over ten, and no illegal substances. So depending on who you are, I either did or did not have a party :P. Anywayssss, it was a chill time. Beforehand I went to Chinatown Express with Amanda,Julie, and John for lunch to celebrate our friendship. Recently we decided to go somewhere new at the first of every month, and John always tags along. I have to admit that I've had better dumplings before, but overall it was a nice place. After I brought everyone home so they could get ready for my "party", I brought Tom with me back to my house to set up. Derek showed up like fifteen minutes later and helped too, then the guests began arriving. The jist of it was this; We set up decorative lights on the beams, climbed up a ladder to the hay loft, arranged square bales for seats, and sat around talking with eachother. We played music too, and occasionally people would get the urge to rock out a bit, which was entertaining to watch :). Surprisingly, it was never boring. We were pretty good at keeping a conversation going, people did and said some funny things, and it was good. Diversity is key I think. Above are the girls and myself :). I would post more pictures, but I lost my camera in the hay! I'm so frustrated, we searched a bit that night to no avail. But I'm going in tomorrow and tearing the place apart. The one downside to parties, atleast for me, is the tendency for teen cuddling. I probably only have a problem with this because I am not an active participant. I shouldn't whine :P.

We had our first real snow yesterday. It's exciting for now, but I know I'll be sick of it a week from now. I'm especially annoyed without my camera to photograph it. Work has been going smoothly for me. I'm finally getting the hang of using the register, and I don't break into a nervous sweat every time I have to ring someone out, hahah. That's a plus. It's kind of nice to have a working enviornment where you learn as you go, rather than just repeat the same steps over and over again. Sure, some things are a process, but atleast things seem to get switched up often. I enjoy gaining the style insight too :). I visited another Polo store, one over in Vermont because our outlet didn't have any more of the bedding I wanted. My mom decided to buy me a gorgeous new comforter for Christmas, one I could take to college, but if she didn't get it now, chances are it would be gone by the holidays, and now it's on sale and my mom can use her friends&family discount. It's a full/queen so it should be practical and last me past college. I'll take pictures of it once I actually "unwrap" it, haha.

I've also kept myself busy with all of the clubs and committees I belong to. The Yearbook first section deadline is about to slap me right in the face, we still have portion left to finish.. I have spent the last two weekends at either Key Club or Honor Society functions. Papers are due, so are lab reports. I need to hold a student council meeting, since I'm now President and such. Our last Answers Please match is Wednesday (tear), I just joined a Mock Trial team, and I really really need to finish college applications. If I had to say right now, my top picks are SUNY Purchase, Cornell, Cazenovia, Syracuse, SUNY Geneseo, and maybe SUNY Stony Brook? I'm applying to SUNY Albany too. I still need to research a few better. Unless the colleges offer me an amazing financial deal, I don't think I'll go to a non-SUNY school for my first two years. Just because it's too much to spend fifty grand on taking core subjects. Purchase is kind of my focus right now because it doesn't cost an insane amount, it has both majors I want, it's literally right outside of the city, and it just seems nice. I think we're going to take a visit on the train soon :).

So yes, this is kind of my life for now. Worrying about my future, then curbing those worries with a little chill time with my friends.
I actually spend alot of time with "the guys" lately. Mainly because I'm the only girl they can hang out with and have it be like it's just them-- I don't really change the "dude" atmosphere I guess :P. We sit around and drink Voltage, play music/watch funny videos, or just talk. Another one of our favorite past times is going to Walmart randomly when we get bored. It's an adventure I suppose? Derek always takes us out driving to wherever, I love it :D. The only thing that really brings me down is thinking of how much I'm going to miss them, and my other friends, especially Amanda and Julie, when I go away. Another recent highlight was being able to see Shayla again when she came up :):). I miss her so much when she's gone away to college, so it was great being able to see a movie with the girls, then to have dinner at Panera's with just her and myself, then go back to my house and sit in my room talking and laughing until the yawns began. I wish she was still here. This growing up thing is hard.

OH JEEZ, that reminds me!

Since Julie turned eighteen this past month, she took advantage of her newly awarded right to ink up her body. Yes, she got a tattoo :D. It's so cool. We just decided one night to go out, and she wanted to check if the place was open, and sure enough it was. I'm not sure if you're all familiar with "fruit stripes" gum, but it looks like this, and Julie absolutely loves it-- even if it only keeps its flavor for less than a minute. In each pack of gum little zebra stick on tattoos are included. So what did she do--? She went out and got 'Zipes' the fruit stripe zebra mascot rollerblading across her wrist, identical to the packages stick on. Strange? Yes. Badass? DEFINITELY ;). I give her alot of credit for going through with it, especially since it was her own, original idea. That's what a tattoo should be about, something meaning something to you, not necessarily anyone else.

Enough rambling! Are you still glad that I'm back? ;P hahah.