Just Chill

First of all, tell me that isn't amazing! Amanda made those for best friend necklaces, it's her, Julie, and me if you couldn't tell :)! My best friend has talent, and I'm going to brag for her because she's much too polite to do it herself. They came down to my college to go shopping and visit me today, it was totally unexpected and totally made my day.

This weekend has been rather uncharacteristic of most college weekends. I don't know if it's because I'm over the inital excitement of the college scene, if it's the frigid, miserable weather, or if I'm just changing my interests, but I had about zero desire to go out partying this weekend. It's not like it was my main focus last semester either, but if I was down here, I usually went out atleast one night out of the weekend. It's kind of worked out that my friends here are broke, and now my roommate's getting sick, so there hasn't been much pressure to go, and that's kind of relieving. One of my really good friends here wanted me to come out, and part of me wanted to so I could be with her, but everything else about it is unappealing. The cold. Waiting for the buses/taxi cabs. The money spending. Did I mention the cold? Last night Paige and I sat in our room on our separate beds watching Everybody Loves Raymond. I felt like a 50 year old married couple, and I enjoyed it. It feels nice to be able to just relax, just chill for once. Normally I feel like I'm running around doing fifty-million things, making plans, going places, but now I have the luxury of just being, and I like it. I do love exploring the town though, and going out can be loads of fun, but I'm going to choose my nights wisely. The last thing I want is to feel overwhelmed. This semester is about me getting my shit together. I want to come out of it having a greater understanding of myself and what I want to do with my life. I want to know how to manage my time, and learn to accept the idea of missing out on things. That has always been a problem for me, I want to be a part of everything that's going on with my friends, or sounds appealing. In the words of Aerosmith "I don't wanna miss a thing." That's been one of the hardest things about going away for school, seeing the photos and hearing the stories that I wasn't there for firsthand. It's an important thing to go through though---you can't always be there for everything, and when you aren't, you have to learn to be happy for people's happiness in your absence. I do love it when you get surprises though, it was so nice to roll out of bed around 11:00 and receive a text from Amanda asking if I was free today :). I wasn't expecting to see any of my friends from home until next weekend, which I hope to come home for.

It just feels good to have everything under control. I have time to do my course assignments, there's oatmeal in the room so I no longer have to starve after the dining hall closes since I'm basically nocturnal...I hopefully will be getting a job, if I apply for TAP I should be getting money back so going to college won't cost both my arm and my leg. I'm still uncertain about what I want to do college-wise after this semester.. if I want to continue here, or possibly transfer, it's all up in the air. I like this school, but I don't know that it's specific enough for me. In theory, what I'd like is to determine the path I want to go down, and then be in a place where it caters to that field. Going into college I just picked journalism, thinking my love for writing and my interest with publications, especially National Geographic, was enough. News was never my thing and neither was broadcast, and that seems to be the majority of the exposure to journalism here---and since that isn't the part I wanted to be a part of, it makes it difficult to figure out if it's the right field for me. I'm still glad to be getting the foundation in it, and there's a lot of things I'm learning that will help me, but I still wish I was getting a better idea of what it would be like to do things beyond that---like photojournalism or working with magazines.. I feel like it's going to take me forever to get to that point here, if I ever do.. There's another part of me that's curious about where my life might lead if I took the psychology path. I've always had an interest in that, and I genuinely like being able to help people with their problems. But everyone wants to be a psychologist these days. I don't know, I don't know. I'll probably take a path with writing, but nothing is for certain, and there are a lot of things I need to hash out in my mind with reason. I just want to wind up doing something I love.

This was a thoroughly boring post aside from Amanda's artwork, I always wind up using Blogger or whatever medium I'm writing in as a place to vent. I'd like to make it be something more than that, something more interesting than that. I want to have better things to share with people.

Olive

And the New Semester Begins

Vacation is officially over, I'm sitting on my twin sized dorm bed, 4ft above the floor--which doubles as my workspace/desk on most evenings. I rode here with my dad during the noreastern storm yesterday, going about 30mph the entire way, it took over twice the time that it usually does to get there. I did a lot of reading :P.
It was nice to be re-united with Paige and Madiha though, I missed those girls. Today I had my first classes, Info Strategies and Growing Up in America. The first is a journalism class, the professor was wicked nice, I think I like her already. I liked my last journalism teacher, but I don't know.. he was kind of a hard ass, and I felt like I didn't meet up to his expectations--plus back then I was completely oblivious to current events. Like I failed multiple quizzes. It was an ongoing embarassment. I hope I've made atleast some improvement since then. But this woman seemed like she's really understanding and if I do start to have trouble, I think I'll be less intimidated to come to her than I was to ask him anything. Then the other class is an english class, that was acutally pretty interesting. We're going to be doing a lot of group activities. In the past I have found these to be annoying, but maybe it'll be better if I'm collaborating with college students, rather than the average Joe slacker in highschool.

First meal back at school, now I have to re-adjust to not having the luxury to just whip up whatever I want. Not that I could cook well anyways. The dining hall does have the best raspberry lemonade though, that's what's in my glass :).
I have a lot that I need to get done. I need to see the financial aid office and talk about my last bill, and discuss the loans I accepted from FAFSA or whatever--I'm so ignorant with financial stuff.. but since my parents are too, and they're too busy to learn, it's kind of on me to step up and get to know all that I can. I have to buy the rest of my books from this bookstore downtown. I need notebooks, groceries, and a brita from Walmart. I need to resume exercising..

I'm thinking about applying for a job. Here's how my schedule goes: Mondays and Wednesdays I'm done wth classes by 4:05. Tuesdays I'm done at 1:05, Thursdays aren't an option( 3 classes all spread out) and Fridays I'm done at 11:20. I feel like that leaves enough time for a job, like 3 days out of the week.. My parents think it's just proposterous that I'd want to take one on in addition to going to school.. but honestly, I could use having the extra cash flow, and I don't really start my homework until later in the evening anyways--that's just when I work best. Maybe I'm too confident in myself, maybe it's too much for me to handle.. but I feel like if it is, I could always just tell them that and quit. It's a perfectly fine excuse.. but if I could manage my time with it, I feel like it could be a good decision. If anything I'd just work a job in a store at the mall, which is just a 10 minute bus ride from the school. I don't want to work all of the time, I just don't want to feel like I'm always spending money without making any. I was at the mall today and asked the guy at EXPRESS if they were hiring, and he said that they were and gave me an application--so that's an option on the table. I was also thinking about Borders, I'd LOVE that.. but the girl didn't know if they were looking to hire anyone, and told me to apply online.. meh. We'll see, we'll see.
Why am I such a night owl? It's past the midnight mark now, and I'm still here, not really feelings that tired. Paige is so good about going to bed, she's over there asleep, and I feel bad for having a lamp on, and for continuing to clunk around on my keyboard. She swears that she'll sleep whether that stuff is on or not, but I can't help but feel bad. I need a booklight, I feel like that'd be better than keeping the lamp on my side on. Tomorrow is a new bunch of classes, I hope they're as good as the first two have been. I feel bad right about now though, I can't help but be paranoid that I'm keeping her up--and I've run out of things to update you all with, yeah, seems like a good spot to end it.

Yours truly,
Olive

Realizations

I spent the past few days in a way that I haven't in a very long time---primarily at my house and alone. This sounds like the beginning to a sad post, but it really isn't. I needed this time alone, it was honestly refreshing. You see, I'm the kind of person who's always up for anything. If a friend tries to make plans, you can almost count on me saying yes. And a lot of the time if nobody else makes plans, I do.
Recently though, I've started to feel like by always rushing around, always having to have something to do, someone to be with, I've missed out on a lot. I barely read. I run myself into the ground so the time that I do spend at home, it's spent sleeping/in a vegetative state sitting on the computer checking Facebook. I don't even watch movies, so I miss out even on that cultural aspect. I have a TIME subscription and I barely read more than an article when I get it, because I have somewhere to be, something to do. I feel like I don't learn a goddamn thing, ever.

I used to have a passion to learn new things, I used to be so much more aware of everything around me, and somehow I managed to lose that. I feel as though I've gotten progressively dumber, or atleast much less curious and motivated. Growing up I was always considered "the smart one" among my friends, I think after awhile I got it in my head that it meant I didn't have to keep working for it. I was just smart, that's who I was, naturally, nothing I needed to work on. But intellect extends farther than your grades in school, and now, I feel like I know so little. Friends will tell me random facts or news about things that they're interested in--but I feel like I never have anything like that to offer and that scares me.
So during my solitary confinement(which I'm over-exaggerating because I did leave the house a couple of times) I realized that the only way I'm going to fix this problem is if I motivate myself to have more interest in learning and less interest in always being on the move/always available to do whatever. Being around people is usually a great way to learn, but in my case, I really don't spend much time relaxing by myself, at all, so it's something I really should work on. Then when I'm not with people, I'm usually working. Even when I do have my time to myself, a lot of it is spent running errands so I'm still just as worn down. I think these past few days have put me in a better direction. I FINALLY cleaned my disaster zone of a room.. I took down a lot of wall decorations too, I want my room to look older, not the same as it's been since the 9th grade. I still have some favorite drawings/cards hung up from friends, I can't bring myself to take those down.. Nor do I really want to.. but my room looks a whole lot better now. Then I made a point to watch a couple of movies I've been dying to see, but never took the time to rent or buy.. I caved in and set myself up with Netflix, which I feel has proven to be a good decision.. I love the watch instantly feature. I caught myself up with 'Shutter Island' and 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. Both blew me away, I can't believe that I've been missing out on this stuff. And reading. This I still need to work on, but I'm getting closer to finishing 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo'. I have so many books just sitting here in my bookcase, waiting for me to read them. I don't know, I just feel really "uncultured" as Tom put it awhile ago, we were feeling the same way about not feeling like we know much. I really don't enjoy that feeling, so I'm going to do whatever I can to change it. I've got to get these wheels cranking and these creative juices flowing.

I know this post has been kind of well, weird.. But sometimes you just have to throw your feelings out there and hope that there's some sense among the babbling.
I guess I never really explained why I have been stuck at my house lately. You see, when I'm not at my house, which is a large portion of the time, I'm usually at Tom's house. I really love that place though..it honestly is my other home. The past few days they've been away on another snowboarding trip--I was invited again, but this time I chose to sit it out. I was supposed to have work Wednesday(which I ended up having a snowday from), plus I need to quit spending all of the money I have. They were planning to come back today, but now the plan is to come back tomorrow, which I really hope happens. Four days at home have been good for me, but now it's about time that I see them again. Also when I'm not at their house, I'm usually hanging out with Derek and people in his basement. Him and Zack have been in Jersey for the past three days. Luckily I've gotten to spend a little time with Amanda, we went out to dinner one night at a place called the Circus Cafe, that was a really nice time :), but I have missed seeing the rest of the gang. Tuesday I head back to school, so it's pretty necessary that I get to see some people. On a random note, I'm trying to teach myself german. It will probably fail miserably, I'm only on the alphabet/simple pronounciation stage in my book, but I'm really going to try to get something out of it. If you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to lay down with my book and read until two o' clock in the morning for the third night in a row. This time I'm getting a bit of a late start on it though, but it has to count for something..
Have a wonderful weekend!

Listening: On Melancholy Hill - Gorillaz
Craving: A glass of water, that's a surprise
Reading: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Olive

Cheers to a New Year

Following Christmas I've really been legitimately busy :P.
The night of my last post was Christmas dinner over at Tom's house. Then the next morning we packed our bags and went up north to Saranac where we stayed with his dad's girlfriend and enjoyed riding the slopes on Titus Mountain. Despite having snowboarded last year---I still suck. If I'm simply riding, just staying upright, I can go all day. But if you throw in trying to do S-turns, and actually ride with the front of the board facing down the mountain, and not at some cautious diagonal stance, I begin falling on my rear left and right. Tom was trying so hard to teach me, and I really, really appreciate that, I know I was slowing him down(which added guilt to my frustration). I don't think it was all in vain though, by the end of it I was starting to get the turns right, but I was just so tired and sore from two full days on the mountain that I was ready to collapse by the time I was actually getting it. Oh well, there will be other times, and I did have a lot of fun. On the second day their cousins joined us there and we ended our boarding session early and bought tickets for the tubing part--that was a lot of fun for sure, especially with a crazy bunch like us.
We came home for New Years because SIRSY was playing a show near us :). It was cool to actually "go out" for New Years, typically we're at a house of some sort, but we were actually in a nice bar--hands sharpie branded with thick black X's of course. Before they went on stage both Melanie and Rich came up to us at separate times to say hello and laugh at our under 21 X's, it meant a lot that they realized we came, and made a point to show us it mattered that we were there :)

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Then New Years day I took a drive up to Plattsburgh to see Tom's cousins for the night and give him and John a ride home since their dad was planning to go back with his girlfriend up north. On the way, first day of the new years guess what happens---I get a speeding ticket. I knew this day would come, I'd let my guard down and a nice little police car in the u-turn would catch me, and it did. The worst part was that I knew I was going too fast, and I was actually slowing down, but it was too late, I ended up with a nasty ticket that I need to mail in to some random town off the highway that I've never heard of before. I don't feel like I drive recklessly..my car actually goes faster than I mean to a lot of the time without feeling unstable, it's like made for it, haha. I just need to pay better attention to the speedometer. I sure how how to start the new year off right ;).. Other than that the trip was good. We drank and sat around a table on the porch reading passages of Ginsberg's 'Naked Lunch' out loud for awhile, we didn't stay up too late. Everyone else was tired from partying too hard the previous night for New Years. The next day we hung around for awhile and eventually went home where we relaxed a bit and packed for New York City the next morning.

Some of you might remember, but I have been to the city once before during the summer, but it was only a day trip, so it was way different to have more time to work with and have a place to stay overnight at my roommate's house. The first day we spent exploring Manhattan, starting with St. Mark's Place and making our way to Times Square and the infamous tree at Rockefeller Center. I'd never seen it in person before so that was definitely a cool experience, along with seeing all of the people iceskating down below. I'm so glad that I decided to bring my new Nikon along with me--I was hesitant at first for fear of it being stolen, getting broken, ect. I ended up buying a big purse in the Forever 21 down there which was perfect for my camera, there's a separate zipped compartment just the right size in the middle of it, plus I just loved the bag.. It worked out well ;).

I was honestly just trying to get a shot of the cool necklaces from this street vendor, and I end up with an unexpected creeper in the background ;). I'd say he makes the picture though.

Times Square, my roommate Paige and Tom are on the right.

Tom and I in front of the tree

A better shot of the tree :)

St. Mark's Place was pretty interesting--that's where I spotted this pissed off, dirty Barney. They also had a pretty good selection of hats and gloves that you could haggle the prices for. One of the vendors saw me taking a picture and yelled at me, but I got sneaky and took a couple anyways ;).

Characters hanging out by the tree--after getting the photo Spongebob then started shaking a stocking at me and asking for money in a Spanish accent. It was kind of weird and I didn't even have much cash on me to speak of at the time, so I just kind of hurried off. Paige gave a dollar to the Minnie Mouse though, so it'sall good.

Hahah, I didn't even mean to get this guy in the shot, another instance of a stranger making the picture.

The Toys R' Us in Times Square was insane. Inside was this crazy ferris wheel, and all of these awesome sections like Candyland, WonkaWorld, and there was a giant T-Rex from Jurassic Park too. There was even a life-size Barbie house, but it was filled with merchandise rather than furniture or life-sized Barbies. That's where we found the Edward Barbie..haha. I can't imagine the joy of being a kid in that place.

On our second day we visited the Museum of Nature History for most of the day. Night at the Museum anyone? So that was pretty neat, there was a lot to see and I definitely didn't see close to all of it. The blue whale was probably the coolest thing that I saw, it's unbelievable how big they are.. Then the dinosaur was awesome, I didn't end up going to the room that had more of them unfortunately, but there's always next time. I like museums though. I think I'll start going to them by myself more, that way I can just go at my own pace and feel like I'm learning more, you can learn so much in those kind of places. After the museum we took the subway to Chinatown to find some cheap, good food and to look around. The place we went to was pretty good, I bought General Tso with rice and an order of dumplings as well as a peach snapple for about $10. Not bad.

The delivery truck for McDonalds stopped in front of where we were waiting for Julie and Ben to go to the restroom on Times Square--so of course I had to take a photo.

Madiha wanted to kill me for taking this, but because of the snowstorm the garbage in the city had been behind schedule so there were a lot of trashbags and old Christmas trees lining the streets. She assured me that it's not usually like this ;P.

Both nights that we were there Paige brought us to one of the hookah lounges in Queens. None of us from upstate had ever done it before, and if you aren't familiar with it, hookah is smoking flavored tobacco in a waterpipe that has a single hose or more connected to it. Tin foil covers the bowl where hot coals are placed on top of. Each hookah was generally shared between two people, and the flavors our group got were vanilla, peach, mango, and watermelon. I don't smoke cigarettes and I have no desire to ever get into that, but the whole hookah experience was definitely interesting and I'm glad I did it. It was really chill, we would all sit at these long tables with padded seats and smoke the hookah while talking. It doesn't get you high, but it does give you a certain headbuzz. I'm taking it as a cultural experience. We don't have these places in my area, so I'm not really concerned with getting hooked on hookah, it was definitely something cool to try while I was in the city though.

That was a great trip, and I've certainly started the new year off busy..Now I finally have some time to sit down though and that feels pretty nice I have to admit. Now I can start with that whole exercising more--reading more--learning more--thing I was talking about before. I hope everything is going well for all of you :)

Olive