Sick, Sick, Sick.
Don't Resist.
You guessed it, I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Actually, it's only my stomach. But this morning and throughout the day was the most gut-wrenching pain I've had in awhile. It literally felt like someone with biceps like Chuck Norris decided it would be cool to suckerpunch me in the gut. Needless to say, I'm not at school. Once I vomited my reesees puffs, that was it. I can tolerate it if I'm sitting still, as I am now, but I don't think I could've handled school. Camping out in the bathroom sitting on a stack of folded bath towels isn't accepted there, so I felt much more comfortable in the privacy of my own home. I might get wise and use this time to work on my chemistry write-ups. Our last match for Answers Please was last night. We didn't go down in glory, in fact a nice way to put it was--we were massacred. Creamed. Brutalized. "P'owned." It wasn't pretty. We shook it off though, it was a fun season with an interesting group of people sharing some interesting memories :). Afterwards we went out to eat at Panera's, and the manager was thoughtful enough to give us a consolation gift--- a platter of those brownie/pie slices! Basically it's a frosted, delicious brownie, cut up much like a pizza or a pie. We were quite pleased.


Bukowski.
Well we sat on the edge of the river, the crowd screamed "Sacrifice the liver!"
If God takes life, he's an Indian giver. So tell me now why you'll tell me never.
Who would wanna be? Who would wanna be such a control freak? Well who
would wanna be? Who would wanna be such a control freak?

Well see what you wanna see. You should see it all.Well take what you want from me.
You deserve it all. Nine times out of ten, our hearts just get dissolved.Well I want a better
place or just a better way to fall.But one time out of ten, everything is perfect for us all.
Well I want a better place or just a better way to fall.

Here we go!
If God controls the land and disease, and keeps a watchful eye on me, if he's really so damn mighty,
well my problem is that I can't see, well who'd wanna be? Who'd wanna be such a control freak?
Well who would wanna be? Who would wanna be such a control freak?

Evil home stereo, what good songs do you know?Evil me, oh yeah I know, what good curves can you throw?
Well all that icing and all that cake, I can't make it to your wedding, but I'm sure I'm gonna be at your wake.
You were talk, talk, talk, talkin' in circles that day, when you get to the point make sure that I'm still awake, Okay?

-Bukowski - Modest Mouse

I'm going to get a little controversial here.. So if you're a religion fanatic, not interested, or whatever, just stop reading. Or don't comment on it. I don't mind an intelligent argument, but I don't want to feel like I've greatly offended anyone for what they believe, so this is the disclaimer my friend. :)

Religion just seems like such a problematic thing to me. So many of our wars throughout history were simply based on controversies over beliefs. I'll say one good thing about religion, it gives hope. Having faith in something or someone to take care of you would be a pleasant feeling, a good support system. I just can't bring myself to believe. I spent alot of my Sundays as a child going to church, believing what I was told. But once I grew old enough to actually form my own opinions, it stopped making sense to me, in the same manner we deal with Santa Clause. It's nice in theory but lacks the facts to back it up. I know, I know. The whole point of having faith is not needing these facts. But I don't have faith in a god. I have faith in myself. I have faith in my friends, my family. I don't see why some being, "God", would put us on this earth with the sole purpose of worshipping him. As the song I quoted said, "Who would want to be such a control freak?" It just seems incredibly egotistical to me, to want lower beings just to praise you. I feel like so many people are devoted to a religion in self interest, their fear of the afterlife. People are scared of what happens next. I don't pretend to know what'll happen. Maybe we simply rot in the earth, or maybe there is a God. Or maybe, some crazy process goes on that scientists haven't even begun to examine. Regardless, I'm not going to waste my life preparing for the latter. I'll live it now, the way I want. Just because I'm not a child of god doesn't mean I'm not a decent person. Religion and kindness do not always tie in. I've seen plenty of "good christians" who are judgemental, rude, and downright mean when they want to be. Religion gives them the capability to do wrong, and then "ask forgiveness", and the doors are back open again. Morality shouldn't go hand in hand with a fear of torture. People get motivated in hopes of reaching "heaven", and avoiding "hell". I perceive this as self-interest, sorry. I do appreciate people, including religious ones, who do things for the good of humanity. I've just experienced people who feel 'nonbelievers' as people to avoid. How can you base your association, or lack of, with someone on their beliefs?! I don't understand. Does their difference make them insuperior? Even though I'm agnostic, I'll still associate with people who have beliefs, because that's all it is to me. A belief, an opinion. Something everyone is entitled to grasp. I just dislike how it has such a prominent space in society, and always has. None of us know what happens when our hearts stop beating, our lungs quit expanding. It's a mystery. I don't see how anyone can pretend to be so certain of what will become of us.

I think everyone's been hit by the backlash of this week.
Once vacation's over, it's so hard to get back into the routine of things :P. I wish we had more time off, that's for sure. The main reason I haven't been updating is because I haven't had the time. The only nights I spent by myself this week were Monday and late Friday, haha. I feel rude going online for long periods of time when people are over, since I don't have a nifty little notebook. Me going online requires a trip down the stairs and sitting behind a slow desktop. I want a laptop so bad, I think I'm going to ask for one for my birthday in June. Plus my time has been overtaken with schoolwork. Chemistry's getting worse for me, and I had to work on a U.S. History collage of the Bill of Rights this week. That certainly kept me busy.


Pushing Daisies.
I'm not sure who all else, if any of you have seen this show, but it's phenomonal. I haven't seen any of the second season because I'm still working on the first, but it's really well done. Very whimsical and unique. I heard it's getting cancelled though :(, that's upsetting. I reccomend renting/buying the season though, it's great. Basically, this guy Ned finds out as a child that he can touch dead things and bring them back to life for 1 minute. However, if he doesn't touch them again to make them dead, then something else dies in it's place. And he can't touch the being again or else it goes back to being dead. The girl next to him is Chuck, his former childhood sweetheart, and he brought her to life and can't touch her again. They kiss through saran wrap, it's cute :).

I kind of don't have much to talk about, no major highlights of the week. I mean it's been enjoyable, but chill. One thing this week did make me pretty pissed though. We're playing floor hockey now in gym class, and this girl Victoria, your basic gym-class-warrior, picked me and some other girls for her team. She was nice enough not to separate me, Amanda, and Julie, and we ended up a group of six or seven girls. Our class is co-ed, so of course there were boys on the other team. Well, my oh so nice gym coach came over and literally asked Victoria if this was a joke. He gave her the weirdest look for choosing us, and said something like "Well I hope your all-star team is ready cause you're up against (points to a team with mainly guys)." My friends and I weren't too worried, it's only gym class. I honestly don't care very much about winning a game of floor hockey, I despise sports. But Victoria was all upset for disappointing coach, and wanted to "prove herself", so I put forth effort to be nice to her. I just find it incredibly rediculous that my coach, a male, can be so sexist. This nice guy Jeremiah volunteered to switch to our team, and coach said "No, she picked an all star team, let her live with her mistake" Holy shit, I just want to punch him in the face. Since when was gym class serious? Then he tried to seem all pitious for us, and gave us a "head start" out to the floor. That just really angers me. And the funny thing is, we actually aren't a bad team anyways! We tied our little game with a mainly boys team, I don't see where we're a joke. What are your guys' thoughts on this? I was thinking about saying something about this, but I don't know. It's a small school, and I'm sure this teacher has 10year. His opinion isn't really that significant to me, I don't understand why Victoria cares so much. I just wanted to point out that sexism is still prevelant, and it's awful.

TWOTHOUSAND&NINE.

Strange, isn't it? I'm graduating in one year, time's just zipping on past me. I know I've been slacking in the blogging department :P, I've just had alot of things going on. Mainly I've been squeezing as much fun as humanly possible out of vacation with my two accomplices ;). I'm speaking of Amanda and Julie of course. We haven't spent 24 hours completely apart all week, haha. It's been nice though. The three of us along with Julie's older brother Greg, spent New Years in Albany at their sister's house :). It was a pretty nice time. We had the whole multi-story apartment to ourselves since the other two people living with her were away with family. It was a good time, I wish I took some pictures to share :(.

On the downside of everything, I've been thinking alot love-wise. Last year around this time, the second of January to be precise, Tom asked me out. So now, feeling alone just sucks. I've been thinking alot through, and I just want to be able to talk to him and see where he stands. I'm just frustrated :/. Anywayssss. I cannot stand how today is the last of vacation. I'm so not ready to go back. I still have chemistry left to do, a project to begin, and math to work on. Snikeysss. That's what happens when you spend your vacation having fun :P. Sheesh.


Look what I got... :D....



^^ This is Frederick :):). Amanda got me him for Christmas, haha. He's so chill.


And these, are my skullcandies from Amanda and Julie :). Oh wow, how spectacular they make my music sound :D. I love it.


Alrightie.
Since this is the New Year now, I should probably keep the tradition halfway alive and write up some resolutions and changes for 2009. Yes, I was a slacker and ignored this on the real New Years, but hey, I can make late resolutions. :)

[FIRST] I will write more. In my journal, story-wise, and on blogspot. I'll make a point to make creative writing a bigger part of my life now, to prepare me for my hopes for the future. I can't be an author if I don't write well. I could definitely use some improvement, especially seeing the way you other bloggers write :P.
[SECOND] I will speak up more and give myself a better backbone. I've always struggled with being a pushover, and I've been gradually improving, but I still have a ways to go. I just like seeing people happy, but I realize it's not worth always sacrificing the happiness of myself. Especially if whatever I'm doing is not appreciated.
[THIRD] I will improve my intelligence. I do well in school, but I don't always absorb the information. I need to spend more time learning new things, outside of school more so, making myself a smarter person. College won't take me if I'm dumb :P.
[FOURTH] I will try to lead a better balanced, happy life. That means less procrastination, more ambition, and I don't know. This one's hard to explain, haha. I just want to make the most of my life basically. I'm happy with what I have, but I know I could make always better myself and things. I want to see more places, experience new, exciting things. I want to feel more fulfilled I suppose.


♥ OLIVE :)