Thursday, January 15, 2009

Sick, Sick, Sick.
Don't Resist.
You guessed it, I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Actually, it's only my stomach. But this morning and throughout the day was the most gut-wrenching pain I've had in awhile. It literally felt like someone with biceps like Chuck Norris decided it would be cool to suckerpunch me in the gut. Needless to say, I'm not at school. Once I vomited my reesees puffs, that was it. I can tolerate it if I'm sitting still, as I am now, but I don't think I could've handled school. Camping out in the bathroom sitting on a stack of folded bath towels isn't accepted there, so I felt much more comfortable in the privacy of my own home. I might get wise and use this time to work on my chemistry write-ups. Our last match for Answers Please was last night. We didn't go down in glory, in fact a nice way to put it was--we were massacred. Creamed. Brutalized. "P'owned." It wasn't pretty. We shook it off though, it was a fun season with an interesting group of people sharing some interesting memories :). Afterwards we went out to eat at Panera's, and the manager was thoughtful enough to give us a consolation gift--- a platter of those brownie/pie slices! Basically it's a frosted, delicious brownie, cut up much like a pizza or a pie. We were quite pleased.


Bukowski.
Well we sat on the edge of the river, the crowd screamed "Sacrifice the liver!"
If God takes life, he's an Indian giver. So tell me now why you'll tell me never.
Who would wanna be? Who would wanna be such a control freak? Well who
would wanna be? Who would wanna be such a control freak?

Well see what you wanna see. You should see it all.Well take what you want from me.
You deserve it all. Nine times out of ten, our hearts just get dissolved.Well I want a better
place or just a better way to fall.But one time out of ten, everything is perfect for us all.
Well I want a better place or just a better way to fall.

Here we go!
If God controls the land and disease, and keeps a watchful eye on me, if he's really so damn mighty,
well my problem is that I can't see, well who'd wanna be? Who'd wanna be such a control freak?
Well who would wanna be? Who would wanna be such a control freak?

Evil home stereo, what good songs do you know?Evil me, oh yeah I know, what good curves can you throw?
Well all that icing and all that cake, I can't make it to your wedding, but I'm sure I'm gonna be at your wake.
You were talk, talk, talk, talkin' in circles that day, when you get to the point make sure that I'm still awake, Okay?

-Bukowski - Modest Mouse

I'm going to get a little controversial here.. So if you're a religion fanatic, not interested, or whatever, just stop reading. Or don't comment on it. I don't mind an intelligent argument, but I don't want to feel like I've greatly offended anyone for what they believe, so this is the disclaimer my friend. :)

Religion just seems like such a problematic thing to me. So many of our wars throughout history were simply based on controversies over beliefs. I'll say one good thing about religion, it gives hope. Having faith in something or someone to take care of you would be a pleasant feeling, a good support system. I just can't bring myself to believe. I spent alot of my Sundays as a child going to church, believing what I was told. But once I grew old enough to actually form my own opinions, it stopped making sense to me, in the same manner we deal with Santa Clause. It's nice in theory but lacks the facts to back it up. I know, I know. The whole point of having faith is not needing these facts. But I don't have faith in a god. I have faith in myself. I have faith in my friends, my family. I don't see why some being, "God", would put us on this earth with the sole purpose of worshipping him. As the song I quoted said, "Who would want to be such a control freak?" It just seems incredibly egotistical to me, to want lower beings just to praise you. I feel like so many people are devoted to a religion in self interest, their fear of the afterlife. People are scared of what happens next. I don't pretend to know what'll happen. Maybe we simply rot in the earth, or maybe there is a God. Or maybe, some crazy process goes on that scientists haven't even begun to examine. Regardless, I'm not going to waste my life preparing for the latter. I'll live it now, the way I want. Just because I'm not a child of god doesn't mean I'm not a decent person. Religion and kindness do not always tie in. I've seen plenty of "good christians" who are judgemental, rude, and downright mean when they want to be. Religion gives them the capability to do wrong, and then "ask forgiveness", and the doors are back open again. Morality shouldn't go hand in hand with a fear of torture. People get motivated in hopes of reaching "heaven", and avoiding "hell". I perceive this as self-interest, sorry. I do appreciate people, including religious ones, who do things for the good of humanity. I've just experienced people who feel 'nonbelievers' as people to avoid. How can you base your association, or lack of, with someone on their beliefs?! I don't understand. Does their difference make them insuperior? Even though I'm agnostic, I'll still associate with people who have beliefs, because that's all it is to me. A belief, an opinion. Something everyone is entitled to grasp. I just dislike how it has such a prominent space in society, and always has. None of us know what happens when our hearts stop beating, our lungs quit expanding. It's a mystery. I don't see how anyone can pretend to be so certain of what will become of us.

8 comments:

Natalieeee [: said...

Ah! That really sucks that you're sick ): That's the absolute worst part about winter. I hope that you feel better soon!

Sorry you didn't do so hot at Answers Please, but it's great that you guys didn't let that get you down. Plus you got brownies! :D

My parents have forced me to go to church my entire life. They say that once I'm educated on it, then I can decided for myself whether I want to be a part of it or not. Apparently I still haven't been educated enough in 14 years, so now they're saying that once I go through an entire year of confirmation class then I can decide. So I have to join the church in order to choose to leave it... right... Anyway, I just don't believe what they're trying to brainwash us with at my particular church, and I guess I'm just not a very religious person, although of course I have nothing against anyone. I *hope* that there's an afterlife, just because I can't imagine just not existing, but I'm with you in just enjoying life now and whatever happens, happens.

Allison said...

im sorry your sick :( though if i had an exuse for missing school i would. yea religon is complicated for everyone. i don't think anyone really fully understands it.

Ali said...

Aww man. I'm so sorry that you're sick Olive! I hope you get better soon! :D

Hey guess what?! You didn't offend me! =] But I agree with Allison, no one really fully understands religion. It is really complicated. I'm having religious issues myself right now. I'm not quite sure what I believe in at the moment. And I never thought of God that way before. I'm kind of siding with you on that. It is pretty egotistical.

♫ Vii ♫ said...

heyyy....
just droppin by.

nice blog anyway. :)

James said...

I am sorry you are sick. And I see you as a very smart person. Let me say this, Religion is the way that people wish to find the existance that something is greater than man and want that yearning and want to connect, but people forever destroy bonds and more. FOr an idea of the issues u just said.

Allison said...

i know im not sure even exactly why i did it but i won't do it again. I don't have an urge to do it anymore

ChipotleChick said...

I am so offended! how could you say such crude, unthoughtful, demeening things? How can you just take what people believe and stomp on it like that? O the horror!!

haha jk! ok, not that funny, but at 2 A.M everything seems funny.

Relgion is the human way to wrap our heads around something so great we can't ever truly understands. Some parts of relgion make God seem a bit...full of himself. (but hey, if i created the universe, i'd be a bit egotistical too!) but other parts make Him seem so merciful, so great. You seem, i'm a Catholic, but one may also say i'm a herritic, becaue i don't just follow what the church says or what the bible says literaly. I take it all in as parables and metaphors and then find a way to fit it into science. and it actually works.

Point is, there's a lot of ways to look at faith, a lot of ways to look at God, relgion, and the world. Choose the way that fits your perspective, the way that you can believe.

and btw, don't you hate it when relgious fanatics try to push their beliefs on you? saying you'll go to hell if you don't believe what they do? seriously, if acceptance is such a big deal to the church, maybe these people shouldn't go around telling everyone who believes differenlty they are doomed to forever burn in hell. Just a thought.

and hi!! i'm just a random perosn posting on your blog. hOpe you don't mind!

Nicole Linette said...

Aww, Olive I hope you get better soon. That's so sweet that the Panera manager gave you dessert :]

And basically, what you said about religion ... I give a WOW. This is kind of lame, but can you link this post on your blog? It's incredible, what you said. I agree fully, but I'm just blown away by the level of truth and insight.

peace&love
nicole.