Happy Holidays

Vacation feels amazing.

I have to say, I'm digging this whole not-rolling-out-of-bed-at-7:30-suffering-through-almost-seven-hours-of-classes thing :). Towards the end there, that's how it was. I couldn't get myself awake any sooner than seven, atleast not awake longer than it took to touch the "dismiss" button on my phone. I would set three alarms, and my barely concious self would not take any of them seriously.

So yes, this change of pace feels nice.

Wednesday night, the night before Christmas Eve, my friends and I had our little Christmas Exchange get together at Julie's. We sat in her room while her two ferrets tumbled around, play fighting with eachother and crawling through cardboard tubes. It was great having everyone there, Julie, Shayla, Amanda, Jenna--- our lunch table from last year :). This year, we don't even bother with the cafeteria. Amanda, Derek, John, and myself all go to the art room. How things change, eh?

Amanda's present to me. It was her first attempt at ceramics. I think it has character ;). Also in the background is the cute little chinese take-out box Shayla gave me , filled with holiday goodies and a sweet card.

Mittens from Julie :), I love 'em. As you can see, I already wore them while looking for my camera in the hay mow.

I miss having my real camera like crazy. I almost want to go out and buy a new one--I do have giftcards for Best Buy-- but I can't, not yet. I haven't truly given up, especially with the knowledge that my memory cards, all six or seven of them, are floating among the abyss of hay. I'm not ready to admit that they are gone forever, they can't be...right? The barn will be emptied eventually. For now I guess my trusty camera phone will have to do.

I spent Christmas Eve at Derek's for this annual holiday party I've never been to before. I hung out downstairs with the guys playing pool and talking. It was a pretty decent time :). Kindra was there too, so I wasn't the only female for once. Derek and I exchanged presents; I felt a little guilty because he got all of the guys pretty cheap stuff(ie: A package of paper plates for JP), hahah, while I was given the movie Up, which I hear is adorable, a burnt copy of Inglourious Basterds, and a sweater from the dollar store, hahahah. The kid spoils me :P. I got him a dry erase board with the marker kit, and a big glass bowl and glass stones for his beta fish, which coincidentially died the very same morning.

The family Christmas events were nice. Not as crazy as previous years, a little more conservative--although I did get two generous giftcards, one to Best Buy, and another for B&N. I had been given one for $25, but when we did the giftcard swap over at Grandma's, I drew another $25 one, so that makes for some excellent book shopping. Otherwise I got things I needed, such a warm socks and a yellow coat for doing the farm chores. I can offically "have" my Ralph Lauren comforter now :), as pictured below. Also, my grandma gave me a membership to AAA, since she's worried about my commuting during the winter, very useful. My grandpa won this beautiful wooden trunk in a raffle and gifted it to me; I thought that was rather sweet:). I received a few other things which I won't drone on about, but that was my Christmas. I hope you all enjoyed yours.

Now is the time that everything has to come together, college-wise. I'm discovering that most of the colleges I have held interest in, don't really have my major. They have English, with a concentration in journalism. According to my guidance counselor, that could get me a job at the local paper, but it wouldn't be the degree that would get me launched onto a more die-hard career path. Of course I can't even say if that's what I will end up being-- but I figure for the price of these private institutions that I've been looking at-- Cornell, U of R, Cazenovia-- I should come out with a degree that will be able to land me a job that will pay off the debt of college. So now I'm turning my attention more towards my SUNY picks. Atleast for starting off-- so many of the kids I go to school with are going to the community college 20 minutes away. 95+% of the students who are going to college at all, are going there. I know one guy who's going out to Ohio, one girl is considering a SUNY school 3 hours north, one's looking towards Vermont.. but I believe everyone else aside from me is going to the CC. Most of them plan to transfer after the first or second year, once their core classes are out of the way. Maybe this is smart, but I just don't feel like doing it. I want to get out and experience the college life.

The internal debate

A few factors exist that kind of make me consider going to the Community College.

1) Being #2 in my class, or if I'm not anymore, atleast a part of the top 10, I can go there for lttle to nothing. Probably for free, now that I think about it. Plus no room/board charges. Living at home is cheap as hell.

2) I could keep my job at Ralph Lauren, maintain an income.

3) I won't lose touch with the friends I have here. All of my friends who are going to college, are going here. I won't feel left out on what's going on with them.

4) I'll still have my car available to me.

versus...

This is why I want to get out, and justifications for life on my own.

1) I have lived in the same town my entire life. It would be nice to get out and meet some new people, college makes that easy.

2) All of my years at school were spent working hard to be at the top. It kind of feels like going to Community College makes that a waste.. We joke around here that the school initials mean "Anyone Can Come", and being towards the top of my class, I feel like I could go somewhere a little more selective.

3) I have always said I was going to get out. If I stay here, it kind of makes me all talk. Especially when it comes to my "love life", or lack thereof, one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to get out is to try to really move on from the past. Staying here means I'm still involved, atleast emotionally. I might have to watch things change with my own eyes, rather than be busy in my own life, and hear about what's happened with his later on. I'm not sure that I want to, or can really handle, having a front row seat to watching things change. If that makes any sense.. To put it simply, I don't want to watch my ex date other girls. Going to a new place gives me a distraction, and allows me to carve out my own life. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, and I hope we keep in touch; I just know I have to move on and see where life takes me.
The possible compromise.

I have two schools really in mind for my next two years atleast, maybe all four. Both of them are SUNY, and one is an hour's driving distance, and another is two hours by train. SUNY makes them cheap, both between $15-25 grand/year, before financial aid and grants take place. I could possibly come up to work at Polo some weekends, atleast with the one within an hour, and I think they would allow me some time to work during breaks and vacations. I still wouldn't be bringing in a lot of money, but I suppose it's something. Plus I could visit my friends, and cease the difting from becoming too bad. If I go to the two hour school, I could possibly get into the Creative Writing program, so I would be doing more than core classes during my first years, and I could combine that program with journalism. If I don't meet the Creative Writing standards, I could still do journalism by itself. Then the hour away school has a decent journalism program as well. The good thing about that school also is that I know a few people in the area already. Tom and Julie's older sister lives there, and she told me I could come over and stay there every now and then if I went to school there :). Plus my friend Shayla has an older sister that lives there, so I might see a familiar face in the hall.

The future is just becoming a bit overwhelming. I think for now I will apply to these two schools, and give a couple of the private universities I had longed to go to a phonecall, just to make sure my counselor wasn't mistaken about my journalism major. Feel free to add any imput, but I basically just needed to sort my college thoughts out in type, to make sure I'm making sense.

Happy Holidays Everyone,