Thursday, May 28, 2009

Just be.

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It's so frustrating to sit in front of the computer and not have the slightest idea of what to talk about :. All I seem to ramble on about is my day to day life, I wish I had something of more value to contribute. I want to talk about the things that matter, I want to transfer the ideas and revelations inside my head into written form, but it never seems to happen. Nowadays, it's like we don't even have time to think, to just be. We have to excell,excell,excell. I am an active member of the overachiever's club, all of my marks are above 90 and I participate in just about every extracirricular, minus sports. I am worn down and squeezed of my ambition like an orange at the Tropicana factory.
Summer cannot come soon enough. Time needs to warp itself to a slower pace, to allow me to savor it. I want to just be able to live, to do the things that make me happy on my own accord. I don't want to answer to obligations or deadlines. I want to lay in the sun and soak up its radiance, I want music to invade my ears and convince my bones to rock and sway without my mind's consent. My exilim camera will give my eyes a rest and do the seeing for them. I will talk about life around a campfire with good, geniune people, squishing smores between graham crackers. I will quit being afraid of failure, and write a short story. If it sucks, oh well. There's enough paper in the world for me to make a second attempt, and a third, a fourth, and so on. However, there isn't a second life, not that I am aware of. It's incredibly important that we make the most out of it. Lives shouldn't be measured in dollars. It's the little things that matter most. The hugs you never want to be released from, the brushstrokes to the canvas, the words written on paper and inscribed in the mind, the elements that make up who you are, whoever that may be.

Bleh, I'm not 100% sure that was conveyed in the way it exists in my mind, but I atleast tried to make a halfway meaningful post for once. I hope they improve with time :P.
I chose the picture because for one, it reminds me of summer and the carefree bliss I wish I could have throughout all the seasons, and for two, it's of Shayla and me, and she has come home from college for the summer :)! So just a little tidbit of an update from my life, I've been spending some time with her lately. I would write more, but it's 11:04 and I could use some sleep. Plus I need to read a little in my book before it must be returned to the library.

♥ Olive


Hannah said...

I totally know what you mean. Life should be more about the things that make you feel free and like yourself, and not deadlines :P

I'm sure you absolutely cannot wait until school's out! Ah, summer should be amazing for you! :D


Aren Becks said...

"you're writing abilities far surpass mine, and I'm envious." I literally bullshit things to make them sound smart, this is by far on of the best post I remember reading from you.

Aren Becks said...

* one

Kaitlin said...

I wish I was able to write deep posts :P summer will be great, and this is a great description of how carefree and awesome it is.

katie said...

Oh gosh I completely agree at the moment. This exactly what all my thoughts have revolved around for the past week. I've finally managed to slow down and smell the coffee as it were, but in just three days it'll be back in a polythene cup, downed and swallowed and not appreciated. Terrible analogy, but I digress...

I used to have so much to be, you know? But it seems as I get older my interests get less and my choices are whittled down. I've lost all interest in being an academic. Sure, I get A's in most subjects but what's that if you don't honestly enjoy getting good grades? It means next to nothing to me. The times I feel like I've acheived something, the times I get adrenaline pumping through my veins are the times when I'm at my most open to the world, submissive, completely in adoration of it. Creative, I suppose. Science and Maths and all that means nothing to me. I just want to live my life freely, and not (as you sososo cleverly put, and I love you for this analogy) worn down and squeezed of my ambition like an orange at the Tropicana factory.

I deeply apologise for my rambling comment!

Fantastic post :D

n a t a l i e said...

I know the feeling... I hate just blogging about my boring day to day life, but I have no idea what else to talk about. I feel like if I try to write a deep and meaningful post like you can and just did, it would just end up being a joke :P You're such a wonderful writer, you know that?! I especially liked the line about the orange juice, hehe :)

But yeah, it just feels like I'm alive but not really living. It's just a dull and boring routine of doing nothing really, and as sad as it is, I can't even remember the last time that I was truly, completely happy and laughed so hard that I was on the verge of tears. I hope that this summer can change that and I'm not bored out of my skull the entire time :/

I really like the picture, and I'm glad that you're getting some time to spend with Shayla :) Have a great weekend!

kayleigh said...

I like your photos on the right side of your blog