Cabin Fever

Last night after work I went over to my friend's house to check out his newly finished cabin in the woods behind his house. This is what us country folk do; we hang out in cabins with our acoustic guitars, just talking about random things and allowing a rift to interrupt when the room grows silent. I actually don't own a guitar, so I was a bit out of place with the four guys who all happened to bring theirs, hahah. I don't mind being the listener though. I like watching people's fingers fly all over the place when they play. Once in awhile I'd join in with singing, but that's as far as my musical talent goes. I really want to take up the piano again. Maybe in college I will. Anyways, the cabin was really nice & cozy, especially with the woodstove running. The photo above is of Zack and Bill's guitars I believe, but I could be wrong. I just thought they looked nice so I snapped a shot :). Those guys are all entertaining to hang out with, I couldn't bring myself to leave until 11:30, but that was only because of my midnight curfew ;P. Call me weird, but I absolutely love waking up the next morning after a night around a bonfire, or by a woodstove in this case, and still smelling smokey. It feels homey.

I spent today a little differently. Julie, Amanda, John, and I all went to see the new Avatar movie. It wasn't too bad-- it was good, not necessarily omgomgGREAT!, but I don't regret buying the ticket. The visuals were pretty fantastic. The female's accent kind of annoyed me at first, but I got accustomed to it. The movie reminded me of Fern Gully from my childhood. Jog any memories? I used to love that movie, but it made me despise logsmen, hahah. Avatar gives a good message though, about conserving our environment. I've been reading this article in National Geographic about the deforestation in Borneo.. We need to really fix these issues, people need to care-- myself included. The human race is, for lack of better phrases, turning to shit. A couple of months ago we found WATER on the moon-- a pretty significant discovery, no? But you know what attention that raised? A small portion, possibly an eighth of a page in my local paper. Compare this to the publicity that a unfaithful professional golfer receives.. It's pathetic. You know, I wasn't the least bit surprised to hear he was a cheater-- alot of people are, sadly. Especially celebrities, it doesn't phase me. It's wrong, terribly wrong, but why do so many people care? And why do so many people not care about other issues, ones that could affect history? So yes, this movie might force you to think :P. Afterwards we dined at Panera's and I scarfed down a chicken caesar salad with side of macaroni and cheese. Delicious. Next was a quick stop into FYE so Julie could buy a couple of new horror flicks, those After-dark Horror Fest ones, LionGate's side project thing. I watched one of them, Autopsy, at her house before coming home. Now I would say it's time for bed. I'm scheduled for the early shift at work tomorrow and I could use a few hours of sleep first :).

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays

Vacation feels amazing.

I have to say, I'm digging this whole not-rolling-out-of-bed-at-7:30-suffering-through-almost-seven-hours-of-classes thing :). Towards the end there, that's how it was. I couldn't get myself awake any sooner than seven, atleast not awake longer than it took to touch the "dismiss" button on my phone. I would set three alarms, and my barely concious self would not take any of them seriously.

So yes, this change of pace feels nice.

Wednesday night, the night before Christmas Eve, my friends and I had our little Christmas Exchange get together at Julie's. We sat in her room while her two ferrets tumbled around, play fighting with eachother and crawling through cardboard tubes. It was great having everyone there, Julie, Shayla, Amanda, Jenna--- our lunch table from last year :). This year, we don't even bother with the cafeteria. Amanda, Derek, John, and myself all go to the art room. How things change, eh?

Amanda's present to me. It was her first attempt at ceramics. I think it has character ;). Also in the background is the cute little chinese take-out box Shayla gave me , filled with holiday goodies and a sweet card.

Mittens from Julie :), I love 'em. As you can see, I already wore them while looking for my camera in the hay mow.

I miss having my real camera like crazy. I almost want to go out and buy a new one--I do have giftcards for Best Buy-- but I can't, not yet. I haven't truly given up, especially with the knowledge that my memory cards, all six or seven of them, are floating among the abyss of hay. I'm not ready to admit that they are gone forever, they can't be...right? The barn will be emptied eventually. For now I guess my trusty camera phone will have to do.

I spent Christmas Eve at Derek's for this annual holiday party I've never been to before. I hung out downstairs with the guys playing pool and talking. It was a pretty decent time :). Kindra was there too, so I wasn't the only female for once. Derek and I exchanged presents; I felt a little guilty because he got all of the guys pretty cheap stuff(ie: A package of paper plates for JP), hahah, while I was given the movie Up, which I hear is adorable, a burnt copy of Inglourious Basterds, and a sweater from the dollar store, hahahah. The kid spoils me :P. I got him a dry erase board with the marker kit, and a big glass bowl and glass stones for his beta fish, which coincidentially died the very same morning.

The family Christmas events were nice. Not as crazy as previous years, a little more conservative--although I did get two generous giftcards, one to Best Buy, and another for B&N. I had been given one for $25, but when we did the giftcard swap over at Grandma's, I drew another $25 one, so that makes for some excellent book shopping. Otherwise I got things I needed, such a warm socks and a yellow coat for doing the farm chores. I can offically "have" my Ralph Lauren comforter now :), as pictured below. Also, my grandma gave me a membership to AAA, since she's worried about my commuting during the winter, very useful. My grandpa won this beautiful wooden trunk in a raffle and gifted it to me; I thought that was rather sweet:). I received a few other things which I won't drone on about, but that was my Christmas. I hope you all enjoyed yours.

Now is the time that everything has to come together, college-wise. I'm discovering that most of the colleges I have held interest in, don't really have my major. They have English, with a concentration in journalism. According to my guidance counselor, that could get me a job at the local paper, but it wouldn't be the degree that would get me launched onto a more die-hard career path. Of course I can't even say if that's what I will end up being-- but I figure for the price of these private institutions that I've been looking at-- Cornell, U of R, Cazenovia-- I should come out with a degree that will be able to land me a job that will pay off the debt of college. So now I'm turning my attention more towards my SUNY picks. Atleast for starting off-- so many of the kids I go to school with are going to the community college 20 minutes away. 95+% of the students who are going to college at all, are going there. I know one guy who's going out to Ohio, one girl is considering a SUNY school 3 hours north, one's looking towards Vermont.. but I believe everyone else aside from me is going to the CC. Most of them plan to transfer after the first or second year, once their core classes are out of the way. Maybe this is smart, but I just don't feel like doing it. I want to get out and experience the college life.

The internal debate

A few factors exist that kind of make me consider going to the Community College.

1) Being #2 in my class, or if I'm not anymore, atleast a part of the top 10, I can go there for lttle to nothing. Probably for free, now that I think about it. Plus no room/board charges. Living at home is cheap as hell.

2) I could keep my job at Ralph Lauren, maintain an income.

3) I won't lose touch with the friends I have here. All of my friends who are going to college, are going here. I won't feel left out on what's going on with them.

4) I'll still have my car available to me.

versus...

This is why I want to get out, and justifications for life on my own.

1) I have lived in the same town my entire life. It would be nice to get out and meet some new people, college makes that easy.

2) All of my years at school were spent working hard to be at the top. It kind of feels like going to Community College makes that a waste.. We joke around here that the school initials mean "Anyone Can Come", and being towards the top of my class, I feel like I could go somewhere a little more selective.

3) I have always said I was going to get out. If I stay here, it kind of makes me all talk. Especially when it comes to my "love life", or lack thereof, one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to get out is to try to really move on from the past. Staying here means I'm still involved, atleast emotionally. I might have to watch things change with my own eyes, rather than be busy in my own life, and hear about what's happened with his later on. I'm not sure that I want to, or can really handle, having a front row seat to watching things change. If that makes any sense.. To put it simply, I don't want to watch my ex date other girls. Going to a new place gives me a distraction, and allows me to carve out my own life. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, and I hope we keep in touch; I just know I have to move on and see where life takes me.
The possible compromise.

I have two schools really in mind for my next two years atleast, maybe all four. Both of them are SUNY, and one is an hour's driving distance, and another is two hours by train. SUNY makes them cheap, both between $15-25 grand/year, before financial aid and grants take place. I could possibly come up to work at Polo some weekends, atleast with the one within an hour, and I think they would allow me some time to work during breaks and vacations. I still wouldn't be bringing in a lot of money, but I suppose it's something. Plus I could visit my friends, and cease the difting from becoming too bad. If I go to the two hour school, I could possibly get into the Creative Writing program, so I would be doing more than core classes during my first years, and I could combine that program with journalism. If I don't meet the Creative Writing standards, I could still do journalism by itself. Then the hour away school has a decent journalism program as well. The good thing about that school also is that I know a few people in the area already. Tom and Julie's older sister lives there, and she told me I could come over and stay there every now and then if I went to school there :). Plus my friend Shayla has an older sister that lives there, so I might see a familiar face in the hall.

The future is just becoming a bit overwhelming. I think for now I will apply to these two schools, and give a couple of the private universities I had longed to go to a phonecall, just to make sure my counselor wasn't mistaken about my journalism major. Feel free to add any imput, but I basically just needed to sort my college thoughts out in type, to make sure I'm making sense.

Happy Holidays Everyone,

Or you could sleep through the static.

We say anytime, anywhere, just show your teeth and strike the fear
Of god wears camouflage, cries at night and drives a dodge-Pick up
the beat and stop hogging the feast, That's no way to treat an enemy
Well mighty mighty appetite, We just eat 'em up and keep on driving
Freedom can be freezing take a picture from the pretty side,
Mind your manners wave your banners, What a wonderful world that this angle can see.
[Sleep through the static - Jack Johnson]

I feel boring. I do the same things day in and day out. Shampoo, rinse, repeat. Eat, work, sleep. I could train a chimpanzee to take my place. This is why I have been such a bad blogger lately, I lack exciting events to tell you all :P. Lately it's all about preparing for the future(college), and making money. I could use an enlightening vacation. Don't get me wrong, things aren't going badly. I have plenty of good laughs at school, I still enjoy working at Polo, I just have a craving to go out on an adventure.

The bitter cold is getting to me. I lotion my hands like a million times a day, or else they're white and dry. This weather takes some getting used to. On a good note, we've been having Tom come and work again lately. I can't rightfuly explain why, but I actually like to do farm chores when it's me and him. I don't usually like it enough to help every day all week :P, but for the most part I'm out there. I guess it's just nice to hang out and talk with him. The prospect of drifting from people next year is really beginning to freak me out, so I want to spend as much quality time with my friends that I can, now. I don't see Julie as much as I'd like to, and I haven't hung out with Jenna in months. I think I have some friendships to tend to.

Holidays.
It's going to be different this year. Usually my grandma makes a big deal over Christmas, and as an only grandchild, I definitely prosper, hahah. But this year things are hard. My grandma is nearly bedridden, confined to sleeping on the pull out sofa in the living room, unable to go outside, or even cook for herself. On good days, she's able to navaigate the one level of their house. But those are far and few between. I need to make seeing her, and my grandpa who has his own set of ailments, a priority. They could really use me, and I could learn alot from them while they're still here to tell their stories. I just need to slow down and think about these things, rather than letting everything pass me by. It's so hard to lasso in time and slow it down. It requires more focus than almost anything.
So anyways, that also translates into less of a big deal at Christmas time, which is perfectly fine with me. I don't need all of these materialistic items to be content. I still plan on buying gifts for people, I have ideas for almost everyone :). I think as you get older, more mature perhaps, the basis of Christmas is more about giving than receiving. Sure, I hope to get a couple things. Maybe a giftcard to a bookstore from my parents, or a homemade or inexpensive thing or two from my friends. But it doesn't matter that much to me, honestly. I'll be happy with anything I get. I can't lie, I miss the excitement that came with waiting for Santa. The holiday just lacks a certain magic without it.

Weekend to do.
* Search like mad for my missing digital camera in the hay mow.
* Write up physics lab reports so I can be passing again D:, complete take-home test.
* Work on my college applications.
* Spend time with the grandparents.
* Get some Christmas shopping done.
* Buy warm essentials for doing farm chores. My boots currently have holes in them, not helpful when trudging through the snow. I also need a better jacket.
* Use the treadmill.

Drained,

I started to write a post, and then it was turning out horribly. That's what I get for writing at midnight when I have to be up at 6:30 the next morning.

Expect something new, soon. :)

These moments are alive.

I believe I am officially back in the blogging realm. :)
Because I have been such a busy little woman lately, I think I'll skip out on alot of the details and give a brief overview, maybe elaborate on things I don't think will put you to sleep, although they might. Friday I hosted a little get together in my barn, I wouldn't quite call it a party. These days "parties" generally consist of over fifteen people, and there is usually alcohol. I had a little over ten, and no illegal substances. So depending on who you are, I either did or did not have a party :P. Anywayssss, it was a chill time. Beforehand I went to Chinatown Express with Amanda,Julie, and John for lunch to celebrate our friendship. Recently we decided to go somewhere new at the first of every month, and John always tags along. I have to admit that I've had better dumplings before, but overall it was a nice place. After I brought everyone home so they could get ready for my "party", I brought Tom with me back to my house to set up. Derek showed up like fifteen minutes later and helped too, then the guests began arriving. The jist of it was this; We set up decorative lights on the beams, climbed up a ladder to the hay loft, arranged square bales for seats, and sat around talking with eachother. We played music too, and occasionally people would get the urge to rock out a bit, which was entertaining to watch :). Surprisingly, it was never boring. We were pretty good at keeping a conversation going, people did and said some funny things, and it was good. Diversity is key I think. Above are the girls and myself :). I would post more pictures, but I lost my camera in the hay! I'm so frustrated, we searched a bit that night to no avail. But I'm going in tomorrow and tearing the place apart. The one downside to parties, atleast for me, is the tendency for teen cuddling. I probably only have a problem with this because I am not an active participant. I shouldn't whine :P.

We had our first real snow yesterday. It's exciting for now, but I know I'll be sick of it a week from now. I'm especially annoyed without my camera to photograph it. Work has been going smoothly for me. I'm finally getting the hang of using the register, and I don't break into a nervous sweat every time I have to ring someone out, hahah. That's a plus. It's kind of nice to have a working enviornment where you learn as you go, rather than just repeat the same steps over and over again. Sure, some things are a process, but atleast things seem to get switched up often. I enjoy gaining the style insight too :). I visited another Polo store, one over in Vermont because our outlet didn't have any more of the bedding I wanted. My mom decided to buy me a gorgeous new comforter for Christmas, one I could take to college, but if she didn't get it now, chances are it would be gone by the holidays, and now it's on sale and my mom can use her friends&family discount. It's a full/queen so it should be practical and last me past college. I'll take pictures of it once I actually "unwrap" it, haha.

I've also kept myself busy with all of the clubs and committees I belong to. The Yearbook first section deadline is about to slap me right in the face, we still have portion left to finish.. I have spent the last two weekends at either Key Club or Honor Society functions. Papers are due, so are lab reports. I need to hold a student council meeting, since I'm now President and such. Our last Answers Please match is Wednesday (tear), I just joined a Mock Trial team, and I really really need to finish college applications. If I had to say right now, my top picks are SUNY Purchase, Cornell, Cazenovia, Syracuse, SUNY Geneseo, and maybe SUNY Stony Brook? I'm applying to SUNY Albany too. I still need to research a few better. Unless the colleges offer me an amazing financial deal, I don't think I'll go to a non-SUNY school for my first two years. Just because it's too much to spend fifty grand on taking core subjects. Purchase is kind of my focus right now because it doesn't cost an insane amount, it has both majors I want, it's literally right outside of the city, and it just seems nice. I think we're going to take a visit on the train soon :).

So yes, this is kind of my life for now. Worrying about my future, then curbing those worries with a little chill time with my friends.
I actually spend alot of time with "the guys" lately. Mainly because I'm the only girl they can hang out with and have it be like it's just them-- I don't really change the "dude" atmosphere I guess :P. We sit around and drink Voltage, play music/watch funny videos, or just talk. Another one of our favorite past times is going to Walmart randomly when we get bored. It's an adventure I suppose? Derek always takes us out driving to wherever, I love it :D. The only thing that really brings me down is thinking of how much I'm going to miss them, and my other friends, especially Amanda and Julie, when I go away. Another recent highlight was being able to see Shayla again when she came up :):). I miss her so much when she's gone away to college, so it was great being able to see a movie with the girls, then to have dinner at Panera's with just her and myself, then go back to my house and sit in my room talking and laughing until the yawns began. I wish she was still here. This growing up thing is hard.

OH JEEZ, that reminds me!

Since Julie turned eighteen this past month, she took advantage of her newly awarded right to ink up her body. Yes, she got a tattoo :D. It's so cool. We just decided one night to go out, and she wanted to check if the place was open, and sure enough it was. I'm not sure if you're all familiar with "fruit stripes" gum, but it looks like this, and Julie absolutely loves it-- even if it only keeps its flavor for less than a minute. In each pack of gum little zebra stick on tattoos are included. So what did she do--? She went out and got 'Zipes' the fruit stripe zebra mascot rollerblading across her wrist, identical to the packages stick on. Strange? Yes. Badass? DEFINITELY ;). I give her alot of credit for going through with it, especially since it was her own, original idea. That's what a tattoo should be about, something meaning something to you, not necessarily anyone else.

Enough rambling! Are you still glad that I'm back? ;P hahah.

Bear with me,

I'm making a comeback.

First off-

I apologize for my lengthy absense.. :/. It's been what, a month? I cannot even believe I've let myself slack off for that long. So if some of you have quite reading, I definitely understand. But any of you who choose to bear with me and my at times sporadic writing, a million thanks. I genuinely appreciate that people actually take the time to read what I have to say, especially when they give me such awesome feedback along with it :). It's a wonderful thing, and I have truly missed it.

I suppose my alibi is my insane schedule, plus the fact that my laptop is still waiting to be fixed. I plan to get to that this week. But almost every morning I go in early to work on the yearbook, then we can't even access blogger in school, and after school has become a whirlwind of obligations. Preparing for college, doing my research, pesky homework, meetings galore, ect. Then weekends I try to squeeze some time in with my friends between volunteering and working. So that's basically my excuse, although I'm still ashamed that I've neglected writing here for so long. Having this slow internet certainly doesn't help when everything I do seems like a rush lately. But I think it's about time I start to slow down.

The college application process is driving me crazy. I need to put together a creative writing portfolio to submit to SUNY Purchase. I have no idea what all to write about, I need a bunch of poems and short stories. Wish me luck.

Hectic, yes. But this is me trying to pull everything together, and organize myself before I'm out on my own. Writing will definitely gain its priority again, I have missed you all way too much to start slacking off again. I just needed some time to get myself settled a bit :P.

Throughout this week I'll be catching up with you all, returning comments and seeing what I've been missing :). I hope you all had a fantastic holiday, and I can't wait to see what all you've been up to. I'll fill in the blanks alot better once I get back in the groove.

Miss and love you all,

Not cool.

I think something's gone terribly wrong with my laptop :(. I can connect to the internet, but nothing, no pages whatsoever, will display. I've tried several things, restoration, connecting to someone else's wi-fi, fooling around with the security options; nothing will work. So I will head out to the Verizon store tomorrow to see if they know anything I can do, but I'm assuming not. I have a hunch that it's a virus, and I will most likely have to send my baby back to the Lenovo store and be sent a new one. Gee am I glad I paid the extra to have the accidental damage warrrenty.

I'll be trying to get myself back up to speed with comments, and everyone's new posts-- but this home computer we have takes forever, and I don't want to steal it from my mom too often. So this might be a semi-dead week for me, but I'll keep you guys updated :). Thanks for reading!

A little scrambled.

Well, I promised Wednesday posts, so here it is.

It'll be short and sweet, because it's past midnight, and I'm ready to hit the pillow.
I was way too overloaded tonight. I had one study hall to actually do my work, and I was only able to get a bit done because I couldn't focus. Then I spent my last studyhall in the physics room preparing for tomorrow's test, but we didn't get through everything. Then I had soccer practice until 4:15 or so, I rushed to pick up John and bring him back to the school to leave for our Answers Please match. During the first round I usually do my homework, since we play the second one. But this time we wandered into a classroom to wait, and a team invited us to play "just for fun", which took up all of my homework time, and they crushed us anyways. As you can guess I didn't get anything done the next round, which was ours, and I actually got home around 9:15. I completed my essay for English and my review sheet for math, but I never really was able to study for the physics or math tests tomorrow. And I have an english vocab sheet. Ughhhh :/ , overwhelmed.

I'm currently #2 in my class though, so that's exciting. I just hope it lasts for more than a couple of weeks. I think things will be better once I have more time after the soccer season's over. Our last league game is tomorrow, then come the sectionals. So I possibly only have two games left. It's weird to think of it being the last time I'll ever play soccer on this team. Or ever, most likely, unless it's just goofing off.

I'll catch up with blogs and such later, I'm exhausted. Sorry this has been more of a short rant than a real post, but I'm trying.

So let's end it with some current events! :P
Have you guys heard about the whole recreation of Edgar Allan Poe's funeral? Interesting stuff. I can't believe only 10 people attended his original funeral.. Oh, even better, how about the flock of sheep that spontaneously combusted in Jordan?

Apparently, there was an underground gas leak under a field, which the flock just so happened to wander over. Locals were setting fire to dry gas, and the sparks travelled to that area, igniting the methane, blowing up the sheep. I can't even imagine how paralyzed and confused the shepard must've felt, standing there watching as his entire herd of sheep set fire before his eyes. That definitely has to be one of those unforgettable "Huh." moments.

ps. I'm still thinking about the whole purpose to life thing, so if any of you want to share yours, or what you feel you're meant to do, go for it :).

I think mine can be summed up with to love, to learn, and to write. If I continue to do those three things throughout my life, and the little subcategories that go with them(such as travelling, experiencing new things), I will be happy. Those things go hand in hand to me.

Happy Sunday

Right now via webcam :P

Good Evening folks,

So I am actually holding true to my word and posting on a Sunday, woohoo! As you can see I have my Cumberland Farms hot beverage in hand, supplying the necessary caffine for me to complete hopefully half of the things I need to accomplish before I turn out the lights. It's a kooky mixture. A fourth of chai, maybe a sixth of french vanilla, a little white chocolate caramel, and a splash of pumpkin spice. That's what I love about mixing your own, it tastes a little different each time.
This weekend was enjoyable. I spent a majority of it working, but that's okay, I like paychecks. Plus work is nice, as I've mentioned before, the atmosphere at Ralph is wonderful. It's clean and crisp, and I certainly don't mind having an excuse to dress up. Trousers and chinos are comfy :). And I bought two new oxfords, a white one and the yellow one in the picture above, love 'em. Aside from working, I did have a little fun as well. I spent all of last night immersed in conversation with Julie, Tom, and Jared. Just sitting around the kitchen table, pondering about life. We have some deep conversations, let me tell you. I mean, we seriously get into it, haha. It's amusing I'm sure. So, inspired from our talk, I'll ask you guys what is the purpose of life?

Back in the day, I'm speaking neandrathal times, the objective of our lives was to survive. Catch our food, create weapons to defend ourselves, construct a simple shelter, live. Now we don't have to "survive" most of the time. If we aren't able to take care of ourselves, someone will most likely step in to our rescue. So now that we've made it past the survival barrier, what is our mission? Is it to find a job, a career, to make tons of money? Is it to find love, get married, raise a family? Or maybe, some of us just want to make an impact on the way other people think. Personally, I think it varies for the indivudual. The sad part is that some of us never discover our purpose, living life day by day, a blur of repetition. They work at shitty jobs they have no passion for, climb into bed each night with someone whose soul they don't understand, the only connection bonding them being their children. They feel flustered, they boil. But hey, isn't that the way everyone else is living? I think these people, the ones who ignore what they truly want inside for money, or social status, or just because it's all that they know-- need to re-think what they are doing. Life is far too short to spend miserably. We cannot be happy all of the time, there are periods when we need to do something to help us reach what will make us happy, such as a part time job to pay for college. Or an awkward conversation to salvage a friendship. It's only when we give up on happiness that we have a problem. When we decide to work that job we despise for the rest of our lives, when we hang on to someone we don't love just because it's easier. It's when we shut off our impulses and live by the clock.

Ahem, alright, I'm done being all philosophical and such. Thanks to those who critiqued my article. After reading through it, I realize it's not my best. I was a little nervous writing it, since the person who will be reading it and deciding if it makes it in the paper, is a Pulitzer Prize winner, and I have quite a bit of respect for his opinion. Another thing about writing to me, is that once you publish something, your name is attached to it forever. If I write something for the newspaper, I want it to be a near perfect representation of my thoughts, I don't want to bullshit my way through it, or say what I think the public wants to hear. I am not going to write something a certain way to ensure it's published. I don't know, it's just the way I am :P, I want my words to be as true as I can make them. So because of that, I'm going to revise what I wrote before, maybe even change the whole thesis, make it stronger. I might write it on self image, which is kind of like the original, but a little smoother, a little more put together. Whatever I write, I want to focus on society's behavior, because that's what I feel our downfall is, as a species, we are undeniably self absorbed. Myself included. I fill up my tank with gas, I drive all over the place, polluting the air that other species breath. But hey, I want a car, so too bad. That's humanity, and it's a true, but sad thing. Sometimes I wish we were still primitive, atleast to an extent. I wish we could take a magic eraser and wipe out everything that harms anything else. We could keep the good stuff, warm knitted sweaters, instruments, and books. We could find entertainment in the company of eachother, trade for the things we needed, and live as a little clan of woodlyn creatures. Basically, I wish we were elves, haha. I know things are only going to become more advanced, and more convenient for people, but I just hope, for the sake of our future, that we can use what we create to do good, rather than slip into complete self absorbtion, complete greed. I don't believe in communism, I am not some anti government rebel. I realize it is far too late to undo all that we have done, I just question what is going to happen to us, and where we will go from here. The first step is recognization. If we all, as a whole, realize that we're headed downhill, then we all, as a whole, can work together to pull ourselves out of this mess. Oh, I just remembered I started this paragraph off by saying I was done being philosophical. Well, I unintentionally lied, whoops :P.

I apologize if this made little sense, I just type what I think, and it jumbles out.

Status Shmatus.

I read an article in our local newspaper inviting highschool and college students to write in about relevant issues in today's society. And of course, I simply could not resist adding my two cents to the mix. So this is what I plan to submit, feel free to give your critique or share your opinion on the issue, or any other issue you feel needs to be recognized.


One of the greatest plagues to society today is the high regard given to social status and materialism. Many people have forgotten what it truly means to be alive. We expel all of our efforts into achieving financial success to raise our status and allow us to feel as though we are well off. But what does this mean exactly? Everyone wants to be able to meet their needs, to own a home, afford their groceries, have a car to drive to work. Somewhere along line however, these sensible wants shift into higher gears, based on the standards of others. Our home is not as nice as the neighbors, the other children have brand names on their snacks at lunch, our car is not equipped with the latest comfort features. Then we splurge, we hand over more than is stowed in our pockets in order to satisfy our desire to fit the mold.
We want to be American, we want to live the dream. In most cases, our dreams do not consist of disappointment, of settling for less than the best. We take pleasure in believing that we can have anything that we want, so long as we pay the price. The United States is primarily a mixed market economy, driven by profit. So consequently, consumers are motivated to buy. The more we are capable of affording, the more we appear to have, and the more successful we seem. If we think we have less than the people around us, then life is not fair. Something went wrong, or the other person simply has luck on their side. This is our dilemma, discovering a way to enjoy what we have already worked hard to attain. This is not to say we should always settle, never strive for the things that matter to us. Just maybe, from time to time, it would be in our best interest to move a step back and take a good look at what it is we are trying so hard to obtain. When did these tangible objects or positions of status become such significant factors in human life? Honestly, it is rather disheartening. The simple things are losing their appreciation little by little. People get so caught up in the currents of working and spending that eventually, it may be all that they know.
We tend to take moments for granted, losing fragments of time we can never have back.
Are our lives truly so busy that we cannot make the time? Time is a constant variable, ticking along at its steady pace. We cannot rightfully use it as a scapegoat for why we do not indulge in the things that bring us happiness. All we must do is find a way to organize it, forcing us to choose our priorities. Of course it is not reasonable or realistic to always choose the fun option. Work must be done, but like most things, there is a balance to be struck. If we ignore the role of status, instead focusing on what makes us feel alive, while working to the point where we can live comfortably, we might just find ourselves to be a little less overwhelmed. Another crucial part of life slowly slipping out of existence is the quest for knowledge. Obviously there are scientists, engineers, inventors, plenty of experts geared towards figuring things out. But what about learning on an individual scale for personal fulfillment? Our minds exist for a purpose, to be exercised and used. In conclusion, there are many components needed for our society to function suitably. We do need a stable economy, we need producers and consumers. However, these consumers should recognize the need for balance. Lost in the cycle of buying and selling, people miss out on healthy relationships with one another and themselves.

Organization Station

Alright, it's time I buckle down.
Things have been continually hectic for me from the first day of school, and I feel like I need to pull myself together. This year cannot be a meaningless blur of homework and obligations. Sure, I'll keep doing what needs to be done, but I can still have my fun :), and keep my blogging alive while I'm at it too.

So here's what's going to happen;
* I will post something every Wednesday and Sunday.
I hope to post more frequently than that-- but I'm promising both of these days.

* I will finally finish that article I began for the newspaper. It will be submitted no later than Friday evening.

* Physics labs will all be written up for class Monday morning.

So yes, expect to hear from me atleast both of those days, and hopefully more. I would sit here and write forever tonight, but it's already past midnight, and I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. I will catch up with everyone eventually, I promise :).

Wow, look, a pulse!

Alas, I have risen out of my coma.
Call me busy, lazy, unmotivated, dead, all of those would be correct. I have just been overwhelmed with work and things, making it rather hard for me to find time to do the things I enjoy, such as blogging. I would give you some huge, super epic post, but I have nothing super epic to tell you :P. Sorry, sorry. Alot of my time has been spent at school, practice, and games. And lately, weekends at Ralph. I really do enjoy the job. Honestly, I've never been the most organized person, I keep a decent room, but my bookcase it a clutter, my drawers are a combonation of folded and tossed, and I often neglect dusting. At Ralph Lauren, perfection is expected. So I have had to get myself used to folding, and folding with precision. Noticing when a shelf or rack is not straightened up to par, and paying acute attention to the customers. It's been challenging, but I feel like I'm adjusting. I've made friends with a couple of co-workers, and discovered a great hidden deli across the street, where my employee lanyard earns me a 30% discount.. score :). But I do like my new job, and the enviornment I work in. It's cool being in such a style centered setting. You tend to forget about class, when you in well.. class, haha. You wear your jeans and your tshirts, and forget the elegancy. I like seeing little old ladies come in, who still know how to dress well. It's not just for the older generations either, I see some stylish girls come in, the kind where you wish you could have their look, but you know it wouldn't be the
same on anyone else.



Anyways, enough about that. Things feel as thoug they are calming down (aside from SATs this weekend, but we'll just ignore that..) I am spending more time by myself lately, and whether or not that is a better or worse thing, we'll have to see. We can't afford to pay Tom to work here anymore, so I've lost that time, it's really disappointing. He was always nice to just chill with, and if anything was bothering me that day, you could be sure it was fixed by the time he went home. It's kind of lonely now, but that's life and the curves it throws at you, and I will deal. It's just that I can already feel what it's going to be like to miss people, and it's a rather saddening thought.

Current want; I would really like to go apple picking.
Current jam; Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson

Help me decide :)

Which one screams to you "Hey, I'm Olive's senior picture!"?
Just select one if you will :). I have to choose one soon, and I seem to be having a little last minute uncertainty. I won't disclose which ones I was considering the most, I don't want to affect anyone's judgement on them, haha. If you do it, thanks a bunch. If not it's fine, I understand it's a bit of pressure :P. I am just looking for a few more opinions.

It's nearly ten thirty, so I don't have the time I was hoping for to post-- but I will make up for it. Last night we played an epic game of soccer. We beat the team that hasn't lost since it's entrance to the league three years ago. The team that creams just about everyone. Last season we were tickled pink just to tie with them, that stirred up a little dust in itself. But this time, this season, we held our own, and actually won 2-1. It was a great feeling.

I feel a sickness coming on. However, I'm taking Jocelyn's advice, and a method that has worked in the past-- major orange juice comsumption! Plus a little nyquil. I should be able to evade it :).

Does anyone have good tips for studying for the SAT? Mine is October 10th, and I keep lacking the time and motivation to really sit down and absorb the books. I'm kind of getting worried. I might just need to crack down on myself and plow through the reading-- it's just so hard with everything else that's going on.

That reminds me.. Guess who has an orientation at Ralph Lauren? ;D. So basically, I have a job? Horray! Well, I hope that everything is good with everyone.

♥ Olive

You're wearing your skin like it's too tight,

Craig Owens...

Is the man. Friday night I went to a concert with Zack and Derek. Opening was a local band, Travis Gray, and then the lovely Automatic Loveletter, then headliner Craig Owens with The Classy Gents. The venue was awesome in itself, the second story of a small bar, one room with only a practice room off to the side and a bathroom. We were able to get in the second row, no problem. We were actually right in front of the microphone too. The first was a tow man band, who I'm not sure the name of, but I enjoyed them. A boy playing an acoustic and singing while his bandmate sat on a stool next time him shaking the tambourine. The next band, Travis Gray, really surprised me. I had never heard of them before, but damn. They were good. Their sound was realloriginal, the singer had a great voice, they incorporated the keyboard, it was just alltogether great music. Now I need their EP haha. Next was Automatic Loveletter, which I never listened to either, but apparently had a decent fanbase there. It comes to no shock to me after hearing them, the girl has a phenomonalvoice, really soulful when it needs to be, and delicate in all of the right places. She looked like an Indian/hippie too, I loved it, really gorgeous girl. Her brother/bandmate was good too, they were constantly cracking jokes, ragging on eachother. It made the show even more interesting. I made a point of going home and looking up their songs afterwards.

Pretty much the whole show was spectacular. Never was I like "Ugh, I just wish this band would leave." I enjoyed the entire thing. I definitely got the most excited when it was time for Craig Owens though. In case any of you didn't know and are interested, he's the frontman for the band Chiodos, where he's famous for his more "hardcore" side, even though his vocals are higher and more beautiful, I'd say, than most bands of that genre these days. He also has a softer band, Cinematic Sunrise on the side. He hates it when he isn't busy. The performance he gave was awesome, the man knows how to interact with his fans. He made the audience laugh, coaxed us to sing along, and talked directly to certain people in the crowd. Since we were so close, I made a point to take plenty of pictures. His voice was perfect the whole way through, but then he began having problems towards the end of the set because he's been sick lately. He played the accoustic versions of Chiodos songs, one from Cinematic Sunrise, and he had a new group formed to help him that night, The Classy Gents. Partway through the performance, when he was ready to play from his new EP, he asked everyone to take three steps back, and sit on the floor. Then he got rid of his microphone and sat on the edge of the stage in front of us all, and we had a little kumbaiya session ;). Now that's what I call "unplugged". He said he felt like this is the way his songs are supposed to be heard, natural, without all of the fancy equpiment. This is how it sounds when he makes them up in his living room, and this is how he wants his fans to hear it. He encouraged everyone to sing right along too. I just admire how real he is, fame hasn't gotten the best of him. It was adorable how he talked about missing his girlfriend all of the time, too. She was there that night, but I never saw her. He wrote a cute little song for her though :), "Joanna". After the show he had a meet & greet over at the tshirt table for everyone who bought the $5 EP, which was like--everyone, hahah. Definitely worth it. Zack was wicked excited, Craig's his favorite artist ever, and when it was his turn, Craig said Zack was one of the best sing-a-longer's he's ever seen :P. That boy knows like every song by heart. Derek asked him to sign his chest hahah, it was great. He's usually into more heavy, hardcore music, but after the concert he has a new appreciation for Craig Owens and his music. I got to meet him too of course :), I told him it was my first time seeing him, and it was definitely one of the best shows I've ever gone to, and I asked him to sign my cat bag. He gladly did :P. Oh yeah, the singer of Automatic Loveletter did too, she thought it was awesome haha. But anyways, I wish I went in for the hug when I met him like some other people did, but I was too shy. I guess it's probably good I didn't, I bet he gets tired of stinky people leaning in towards him in attempt to swap sweat. But it was an amazing time, I'm so glad I was able to go.

We were close enough to see the set list on the stage floor ;)

Zackie and I :)

Yes, the kumbaiya session :).

Zack's meet and greet.

YES, my catbag is 100x more awesome.

Anyways.

After that crazy evening I fell asleep and hung out with Kindra the next day. I never hung out with her before,
but I figured we ought to change that, she's wicked cool :). We watched television and talked about a bunch of things, then went out to see The Time Traveller's Wife at a dinner and a movie venue. It was a really good movie I thought, cute and sad. Of course I haven't read the book yet--shame on me--, but I didn't want to have to wait until its dvd release. The book is always better, so I kind of like doing it in reverse, so that way the movie doesn't disappoint me, and I have the book to really anticipate. Yeah, I'm weird :). Yesterday morning I also hung out with Amanda for a bit, we took senior pictures again. I'll post whichever one I choose once she sends them to me. I want to keep writing and rambling on, but unfortunately I have homework to do, so I'll leave it off here.

I hope everyone had a great weekend :D,

Olive

And from then on it was turpentine and matches.

From then on it was cold Campbell's from the can

And they were just two jerks playing with matches

Cause that's all they knew how to play

Thanks a bunch Natalie!! :D :D :D.

Okay, so like everyone that follows my blog has been tagged, or there aren't 10 people who have not. But if anyone wants to steal this and do it themselves, feel free to. As long as you're a reader of mine, I dubb you awesome on some level ;). Soo.. now I must give 10 facts about me, let's do this.

1). My hair is naturally this curly. Okay, maybe that's not entirely interesting, but I get asked it a lot :P. I used to hate my hair, and straighten it relentlessly. Now I've grown to accept my "lion's mane", as Amanda lovingly refers to it as.

2). I really want to learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons! Nerdy, nerdy, nerdy, but I definitely want to give it a try. One of my friends, Derek, actually helped me create my own character. I was an Eladrin wizard, it was awesome. But I still haven't begun to play.

3). Cheese is like, my favorite food group. Except I hate foot and goat cheeses. Those taste like mold, I don't care how fancy of a delicacy they are :P. Oh and I really enjoy pigging out on Chinese food.

4). I plan on getting a tattoo when I'm of age. Right now I don't have anything picked out for certain, and I won't get one unless I know I'm sure about it. I'm considering something olive related, like maybe a branch with them dangling, because I've always had this nickname, so it'd have meaning. Also, Julie, Amanda, and I want to get something matching so that's a possibility. If I stumble across a quote that really enthralls me, and I feel it's something I could live by, then maybe I would put that somewhere, in fancy script.

5). I think it would be really badass and cool to have the chance to drive a monster truck. My favorite one used to be Monster Mutt, then it disappeared. Tom says it's because it was the worst one out there, but I always thought it was cool, even if it lost the races.

6). I don't read enough. It's depressing, I wish I could freeze time and be able to read all of the things I want to, then hit play when I feel like paying attention to the rest of my wordly obligations.

7). I'm agnostic, leaning more towards atheist. Except I don't like to call myself one, because they're given a bad rep. I'm tolerant of everyone's beliefs, and I'm certainly more than willing to befriend anyone despite what their views are, because I don't see religion or non-religion as that high of importance, to where it can decide who you associate with. I'll admit that I don't know what happens after life, that's why I can't believe.

8). I want to visit oddball places. Switzerland, Holland, Iceland, ect.

9). I have never crowdsurfed. I'm waiting for a good opportunity :).

10). Basically it's physically impossible for me to frown. I smile like, all of the time. If I'm not smiling, my face is blank or indifferent. It's definitely a rare occasion for me to look truly angry.

LIFE. Has been good. :)

I survived the first week of school, engaging in #2 now, and it's not so bad. I love having two studyhalls at the end of the day, Amanda, Derek and I just hang out in the art room every day for them. I need to start bringing my own lunch though. Answers Please starts this week, I'm super excited for that. Senior photos are due soon, when I choose the one I want, or if I need help deciding, I'll post it on here for you guys :). On Friday we didn't have practice, so I took the opportunity to spend time with my friends. Julie, John, Amanda and I went to town, hitting up the library, the mall, and last but not least---the petstore. I fell in love.

It was the cutest thing. All of the other puppies were up against the little fence, fighting for attention, but that raggamuffin was over in the farthest corner, facing the wall. Eventually it turned to face me, wood shavings stuck in its little dog mustache. When another puppy tried to paw at him and play, he just sat there, all antisocial, I thought it was the funniest thing. I wanted to take it home sso badly.

In other excitement, we surprised Zack after work and brought him to Chinatown for dinner Saturday night. That was fun :), he deserved it after all of the effort he put into my birthday. This Friday we're going to see Craig Owens together in concert, I can't wait. Lately the specials on National Geographic suck me in. Julie and John came over to watch The Girl Who Cries Blood wit h me last night, which was interesting but annoying, since they never came to a conclusion by the end of the show. Then I watched another one about a girl in India who is sixteen years old and only 23 inches tall. It's insane.

Well, now I realize that I'm just rambling. Have a great week folks ;P.
I'll try to keep up with this better :).
♥ Olive

First day back.

It's finally time, I'm a senior.
I remember very distinctly sitting in a classroom at twelve years old, gazing out a window thinking; "Wow, I'm half way through school. Another six years here and I'll be graduating." And here I am, entering seniority. I don't really 'feel it' yet. I don't think I look that old, that mature. I don't know if our generation is shrinking.. or if it's just my school, but we're TINY! We don't look grown up at all. I think back to seniors of years before, even in the yearbook, just to prove it's not my memory being fogged, they looked ready for college, most of us[my class] does not.
Unfortunately, being the upperclassmen doesn't reap many benefits here. We can't leave school early/to go out for lunch. There isn't even a restaurant to go to in town anyways. The only "priviledge" I'm really looking forward to is budging in the lunch line, hahaha. Oh, and we get our own senior mailbox cubbies. Dream big, right? Oh well, I'm pretty content anyways I suppose. I love my first two classes so far, English and Economics. Everyone in those classes is great, Amanda's in my english class, along with other good friends of mine. I actually have a class besides gym with Tom, in economics, for the first time since like ninth grade. Physics might be fun, and I enjoy Spanish. I still have some glitches to fix in my schedule, like where to fit Digital Photography and stuff, but overall, I think it'll be a good year.
Some annoying changes have been made in our school, but I won't get into them unless they really affect me later. Basically, I feel like they are starting to treat us like a big, inner city school, when in fact we're this little facility in the middle of nowhere, with six hundred kids. There's a new annoying buzzer system because all doors will be locked promply after 8:07, student drivers need parking passes because they have limited our space.. I don't know, we'll have to see how it all pans out.
I survived day one. Now I only need to get through tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday--then it's the weekend! You forget how significant those two sacred days are during the summer months :P. Soccer has been keeping me busy, I have a game tomorrow night, and I went to a pasta party tonight. We have this tradition in our team where before certain home games, someone, usually a senior, hosts a dinner for the team where we devour some carbs, talk loudly amongst ourselves, and play plenty of games together. It was pretty fun. Mary's grandma makes some awesome ziti.

So, this post was kind of boring. I promise to write a more exciting one soon :).

Long Overdue.

I must say, I'm pretty ashamed of my blogging these days. It's been weeks hasn't it? Sheesh.. What has gotten into me?

I will blame it on the ending of summer, that's my alibi and I'm sticking to it, haha. But really, I have been keeping myself quite busy. Rarely do I sleep in my own bed, solitude is becoming an occasion. Living it up is my ambition, and I've been refusing to let the remaining days of freedom just pass me by. During my absence I have gone a few hours away to Lake Champlain. Julie and her family brought me and we stayed with her cousins in the overhead story of their garage. It was a wonderful time :). When I'm with that group, I feel like a part of their family. I'm not just the awkward tag-a-long. I even got along great with the other 'non family', Will's friend Dustin, and his girlfriend Kelly. Us "kids" hung out talking about things, especially late in the evenings. Already we can tell that we're the next generation of "Sapperknackers", which I mentioned in my Fourth of July post, all of the ex and present hippies, who have kept close contact as the years pass them by. I know that several years from now, I'll be coming to their get togethers, and maybe hosting them, feeling more at home every time. It's nice being able to just talk with people about intelligent things. We decided that what we need to do is purchase our own island, away from the rest of the world, and just live on our own accord. I wish that was possible. Although I would miss blogging :(, that's the only downside, haha. But we discussed government conspiracies, the concept of marriage, religion, drugs, life, ect. We had some great conversations.

When we weren't being all philosophical, we played wii sports, hahaha, and pool in their basement. Julie's ferret waddled around, taking in the new enviornment. Another nice thing about the trip was the weather. It was actually warm enough to go swimming in the lake :). We swam out to their anchored , square dock. I would like living on a lake. So overall, I loved the visit, and now that I can drive, hopefully we can go up there again in the near future.

Also, another exciting outing was boating back at home with a teacher and her family. Nice people :). We walked around town, devoured some pizza, and got ourselves a little sun. On the boat Julie and I noticed that fetus cloud.. atleast we thought it oddly resembled a little baby. Another day was spent swimming at a different lake, but alas, no photographic evidence is available. Basically, we've gone lake-hopping this summer :).

One day we actually set out on a hike. That endeavor was shortlived, because it was a scorcher, and none of us ever go hiking. I felt like I could've continued onward, just because I've gotten used to long walks with my dog, but it was probably best we only went so far the first time. Next time though, we'll make some distance.

Julie at the end of the bridge we crossed the highway on :).

August is a month of birthdays for our family. Both my grandma and dad share ones only a day apart from eachother. Which is weird to think about, because my own mother gave birth to me a day after her fourthieth birthday. Huh. But anyways, we had little celebrations for each, including presents and cake. We're a simple family, it's nice. For my dad I bought two shirts and drew a card, and for my grandma I baked a cake, bought a card, and got her the latest edition to Jon Katz series she enjoys. He's a local author that writes about his dogs and his life on the farm. I think it was called "A Dog's Soul", or something of the like. I'll have to check his books out sometime.

Tom is finally nearing the completion of my bookcase :). It was my birthday present, but he's been building it in their greenhouse, so it's a little overwhelming trying to work on it in the summer heat, so I've cut him some slack. I came over the other day to watch him/help construct it, and I'm pretty impressed. Right now it's at the point where all the wood is cut and ready, complete with knotches for the shelves to slide into. All it needs is to be screwed/glued together, and it'll be good to go. Depending on how it looks, we might put a protective coat over it, but it's nice wood, so I don't think an actual paintjob will be necessary. I'm thinking of painting a mural as its backing, since it lacks one currently.. but I don't have much faith in my artistic skill. I was thinking of cutting a piece of plywood to the proper proportions, then painting a purplish sky, and orange sunset, a few dark, bare trees, and maybe some ravens randomly swooping. It looks fantastic in my head, but getting it to resemble any of the above is the challenge at hand. I mean it doesn't have to be perfection, seeing as alot of it will be obscured by my literature, but it'd still be nice to have a cool backing.

Just a walk in the park.

So fastforwarding to the present, I spent most of today with Jenna and Shayla. We harassed Jenna at work until she was released, then Shayla bought me Starbucks, which I swear I will repay her for, and we ate dinner at Panera's. It was nice sitting and talking with them, I hadn't seen either of them in quite awhile, so we had some catching up to do. Jenna had to get going afterwards, but I drove Shayla and myself to the local park to kill some time. And that we did, via photoshoot :P.


My failed attempt to be a tree :P, and the beautiful Shayla.

^Notice the creeper baby :P, I uploaded this one specifically for Natalie, hahaha.


So yes, I've been keeping myself busy, haha. Summer days are dwindling down and it's frightening. Class is already in session for alot of you. Yikes. My motto these days is just "Live it up", because I don't want to spend the few days remaining sitting around waiting for the boredom of school to fall upon me, haha. Okay, maybe I'm a bit dramatic. School isn't that bad. Senior year is definitely something worth looking forward to. Still, I can't help but to wish that this blissful season lingered a little bit longer.

Oh, and I decided to join soccer. I was pretty certain I'd end up doing it, and here I am, about to start the second week of practice tomorrow. It was rough getting myself accustomed to all of the running and stuff at first. I was definitely not in the prime physical shape I should have been, haha. But I think it will be a good season. I like just about, if not everyone on the team. Everyone pushes themselves, and encourages eachother. I have good feelings about it. Although, tomorrow might be less than a breeze, it's 1:05 and my practice begins at 7:30, haha. Oh man. I needed to update this though, I loathed how behind I was getting. Many things have been circling in my mind these days, I wish I had the time and ambition to write them all out. Eventually, haha. Just for now I needed to update you all on my little adventures, and prove that I'm in fact, still alive, and not in some vegetable state either. I'll save the philosophy for later.

Have a wonderful week everyone, I'll try my best to catch up with your posts.

Sincerely,

livia

PS. Natalie and Christina, I have not forgotten your prizes. Just give me time :).